♥ We have (another) honest discussion

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Submitted by emerson on
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Today I wasn't feeling well and I hung around. Sparkles hung around too. I fasted because that helps me get over being sick quicker.

This afternoon I was laying around and Sparkles joined me. I got quickly aroused and she said I could connect which I did. It felt great as always but we aren't really into the very satisfying territory in our intercourse.

And the reason is clear from what developed.

So after about 15 minutes we lay together. She told me that she wasn't really into it but didn't feel comfortable saying no to intercourse.

That she was afraid I'd want sex several times a day and remember, she doesn't have nearly the powerful sex drive I do. And that it doesn't feel any different to her than sex the old way.

It wasn't as harsh as it sounds as I'm writing it.

I said that if she doesn't orgasm for a bit, and we continue to snuggle and cuddle then she might feel some of the emotions for me that I felt for her, in that way. After the post-orgasm stuff has worn off.

But it's an experiment, I said. Who knows and if it doesn't work that way, that's fine too. I'm very happy to feel the way I'm feeling for her even if she doesn't change at all.

She asked if the physical sensations she felt would be different. She said it feels like it always does when we have intercourse, no different.

I said that she would feel more sensations in her vagina as that takes time to develop.

That this took some time.

And that while regular sex is a matter of increasing tension and excitement, this type of sex is a matter of awareness and that the more aware she is, the more I can feel it (which I have experienced as recently as yesterday and really even today in noting something absent from the lovemaking today.)

She said she is very skeptical of all this.

It was actually a nice talk. She said she was glad that I have the confident direction that I do. And she complained in her charming little girl voice that I'm changing the rules. But she is open to being non-orgasmic and giving this all a chance.

I said I loved her the way she is and that it would be fine either way. Which it will. I told her it might take six months to get into sync.

I know I am still acting very needy at times and I told her that and I apologized for it. I said I'd do better outlining that I'm okay if she says no to intercourse. That I'd rather not have intercourse if she really didn't want it. She said she didn't really want it but realized I did. So that's why she agreed. I said I would rather she didn't agree unless she was really into it. But the cuddling and bonding was very essential. She said she always loves to cuddle and snuggle. Which she does.

I am hoping that she begins developing the level of emotion I feel, but if she doesn't, she doesn't. We'll work it out. What do you think? I am grateful for your presence here and your responses are always so welcomed and pondered.




Emerson, just my opinion, but I don't think karezza lies in our bodies only and I've always said the man isn't going to feel anything different if the woman isn't putting her mind and energy into it (which you already know).

There is so much more to it than going slow. It requires *both* partners to be present and involved. I don't think it's possible for it to be one-sided.

Just my opinion and I don't want it to sound like I know everything because I don't, but I just know how much it changes the sexual experience when each person is committed 100% to making it happen.

I think most of the people I've seen post here who have expressed that karezza just didn't feel that great or any different than conventional sex did so because they did not have a partner who was invested in it as they were~~it's truly a dance between lovers and if one person can't commit to giving their full attention and awareness, the dance will be awkward and dull.

Here's hoping you and your wife can come together to learn to make love in this very special way~~


~A heart that is open to appreciate every blessing should always be bigger than the eyes that see what is missing. ~Rumi

thanks Rachel

I'm totally into it. I will continue not orgasming even if my wife wants to orgasm. Life is so much better this way. So I guess I'll be like Darryl was or Virgil is for different reasons, but I'm okay with that. I think my wife will learn to be present with it and it will blossom for her. I'm confident that it will but we'll see.

I love your posts and your wisdom is so appreciated.