♥Does this sound right to you?

Submitted by Jethro on
Printer-friendly version

Greetings all,

I am new to the forum, nearly finished with "the book" and waking up to the wisdom I have read and how it has affected my life.

One of the realizations is how I have been addicted to the passion cycle for many years. This addiction lead me to make some very poor choices about seven years ago. I was experiencing a bad time in my marriage and I ended up pursuing online porn, then meeting others for sex. During a three month period, I met with several couples for sex. Eventually, I decided that the open and honest relationships that these couples were having was what I was looking for. I ended the affairs and told my wife what I had done. We've worked hard to improve our relationship since then, and I think we are in a better place now than ever before.

Now to the point of the post. During these meetings with the couples, I rarely had an orgasm. These sessions lasted two to four hours with erections coming and going as the stimulation rose and fell. I found much comfort and relaxation in these meetings and still haven't found that with my wife. (She is very goal oriented and feels that she has failed somehow unless I have an orgasm during sex.)

My question is this: Does it seem reasonable that I unintentionally stumbled onto a form of Karezza with these other people? During this time, I lost many of my other cravings and even lost a significant amount of weight. It feel right to me, and if so it gives me great hope as to how this can help my relationship with my wife.

Topic:

Comments

could be

I think the real question is, how did you feel afterwards?

If you felt good, and it had a good effect on you, then it's wonderful.

I am personally avoiding orgasms completely now and feel amazing because of it. However, I am very committed to this and it isn't easy. I have been blogging about my experiences in this new way of living if you are interested.

My wife was very puzzled when I wasn't having an orgasm. She could not believe it, and she could not figure out what would motivate me. So she didn't try to discourage me. And she's avoiding orgasms for awhile also now.

This is all taking us to territory that we have never explored together and there is a lot of self examination and growth that I feel going on. I think it's a fantastic idea for you, too as you seem very open and drawn to it.

It may be an especially good idea for you to start abstaining from orgasm and just see where things go. That's what I did and I think it was a good idea.

Why not?

Insights arrive in some very unexpected ways.

Partners can be a challenge. Did you sniff around at the "Karezza Korner" link? Some of those topic might give you inspiration.

Looking forward to your insights.

Jethro

I think there are about as many different ways to approach sexuality as there are people on the planet. Behaviors that one person delights in simply horrifies another. Non-monogamy is usually a pretty touchy subject and can easily train wreck a relationship. Some folks are quite comfortable in non-monogamous relationships and others are not. Whether the positive benefits you speak of around being sexual with other people had anything to do with abstaining from orgasm is hard to say. Engaging non-monogamously may have simply allowed you to release some inhibitions and experience some new found sexual freedom. Obviously refraining from orgasm allowed you to engage for a much longer period of time, clearly a good thing.

The point would be, how to bring this experience of refraining from orgasm back into your marriage. A change in sexual behavior can be very unsettling to a partner, especially being non-orgasmic. For many sex without orgasm simply isnt sex, so.... what do you do with it? It may take some time getting your wife on board, but without a doubt sharing karezza style love making is very positive for a relationship.

We have a lot of ideas about sex and letting go of our partners orgasm as the measure of our sexual performance is deeply engrained. Personally I think we offer more to our partner by focusing on our own pleasure. Of course, with awareness of the other. Untangling our sexual knots takes work

Is your wife willing to engage with you without orgasm? Are you letting her know how much you enjoy her, orgasm or not?

Trying it with my wife

I've just finished the book and waiting for a quiet moment to talk about it to my wife. This morning, I woke before her and started rubbing her legs (a favorite pleasure of hers). When she woke up, she began to stroke my penis to erection. I just kept focusing on her legs, massaging, rubbing, and stroking. After 5-10 minutes, my erection began to fade. This was fine with me, as I was enjoying the pleasure i was giving her, and her stroking still felt good without the erection and sexual pressure. But she became a little upset.
"Don't you like what I'm doing?
"Yes. It feels good"
"But you lost your erection. That means you aren't interested."
(sigh)

Jethro