15+ years of porn addiction

Submitted by Dutchguy on
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Day 1, February 3rd 2012

This morning I had to get up early because I had a meeting at 9am. Since I'm the opposite of a morning person, this means that I got up as late as possible, did breakfast etc. according to my tight but precise schedule, and went to the meeting.

How different would the day have been if I had had nothing to do; I cannot remember a day where I didn't masturbate as soon as I got up in the morning, as long as I had the chance. And, being a student, I can assure you I wasn't lacking in chances.

As I'm writing this I am 27 years old and, I'm embarrassed to say, a virgin. Back in September I met a great girl, and at the end of November we finally kissed, and started to date each other. The last time I really kissed a girl was at that point also about 10 years earlier, and I had never experienced more than that. Suffice to say, I was pretty inexperienced.

The strange thing is, I'm actually a, or consider myself to be a, pretty good catch. I'm reasonably good looking, I'm intelligent, kind, caring, etc.etc. Certainly a better catch than a lot of other guys who do seem to hit it off all the time. So, my lack of experience was puzzling to me, but while it was hard at times, I learned to live with it and figured that if one day I would meet the right girl, she would see me for the great person I am, we would fall in love, etc. etc. make lot's of babies and live happily ever after.

Three weeks ago this ideal was shattered mercilessly when the girl I had hooked up with broke up with me, after just a little over a month of being together. It came as a big shock to me at the time, since we had had a great time together, and we were getting very close to each other. She said she did have strong feelings for me, but that they weren''t progressing in the way she thought they should be. In hindsight, I think I came on too strong and moved the relationship ahead way too fast, which I now regret immensely of course.

Since I have no intention of letting this happen to me again (I know you can't control the world but a man can at least try, no?), and because I want to try to get this girl back, I started reading up on getting back together with your girlfriend. I had already decided to cut her off, at least temporarily -in the hope that enough space between us would reignite the flame-, when I stumbled onto something called the 'no-contact method'. Since this is what I was already doing anyway, and since it seems that this is one of the only -if not the only- method of maybe getting her back I decided to expand my knowledge of this method, and especially on how to proceed once she re-initializes contact, since this is way out of my knowledge zone.

By reading a lot of stuff everywhere on the internet I finally came across PUA-forums. I had heard of the method before but had basically dismissed it without giving it much thought since it seemed to kill all the spontaneity, respect and actual love for women. The advice they gave on how to proceed after a break-up seemed very valuable however, and what I found interesting was that they said that PUA is not so much about a standard operating procedure when it comes to women, but about improving your inner self so you won't have to have a standard operating procedure, but will act the way woman want automatically, without even thinking about it. I was about to give it a shot when I read a post by someone about porn addiction, and this triggered my curiosity.

You see, I have been masturbating and watching (soft)porn since I was eleven, before any of my friends or classmates gave any thoughts to sex. Over the years my porn habits have escalated extremely, and while I have thought about the possibility that it may actually hamper my motivation (and thus success) with women and have actually occasionally tried to change my habits, after a while it always seemed like a fruitless and distracting exercise, so I went right back to where I left off.

After the breakup with my girlfriend I already decided to change my life in a number of substantial ways, because frankly I felt embarrassed with myself when she asked me certain things and I wanted to answer her truthfully. When I heard myself say those things, it made me cringe, and I can only imagine what she thought. What also bothered me heavily, was that after the first couple of times we were together, I didn't seem to get a full erection anymore, and in general I just didn't seem to be as aroused as I thought I should be and wanted to be, since she was my first with basically everything, and was going to be the first I was going to have sex with (we hadn't done it yet because of something I wanted). It was upsetting to me, but I imagine it was at least as upsetting for her, and she definitely didn't deserve that...

I had already started exercising and was bent on self-improvement, but today I read the articles and saw the videos on yourbrainonporn.com and I realized that their was a good chance that most of the problems I had been having in my life where due to very excessive PMO since basically the day I hit puberty, and that this would have to go first if I were to have any chance of throwing my life around. Before I found YBOP, my plan was to exercise and masturbate today. Now, I decided to just do the former today, and since I had no “morning session”, today is day 1 of the rest of my life!

So, the plan for the coming weeks, months, years, decades, is to stay off the PM, only have O's with my girlfriend/ wife (and I will definitely look into Karezza), keep on exercising and -hopefully- get my girlfriend back! I'm really hoping that doing this will allow me to change sufficiently to lead a happy life and that I thus don't have to become a PUA, since that would be the end of the closet romantic inside of me. I'll keep you posted!

Day 2, February 4th 2012

Day two. So far it has not been very difficult to get over the urge, although the urge was of course tremendous this morning when I woke up. I stayed in bed for quite a while, reading things on P addiction and other self-improvement topics. When I got up I decided to do a quick workout, then I hit the shower and now I'm having my breakfast. So far I feel good, but of course I've just started. I'll go for a long walk to a shopping centre not to far from here to see if I can find some other things for what I'm planning to start doing a.s.ap.; yoga and running outside in the winter. We'll see!

Comments

hello dutchguy

Hey buddy,

Many of us have viewed porn and our sex lives have been affected by this. I am into 34 days wo porn, had sex with my gf,masturbated twice without porn.
You will experience some bad days! Depression, anxiety, nightmares, and urges to masturbate(especially around times that it was routine). I was MBing one to three times a day in the last few years. I also had ED and delayed orgasm with girls.
After about three weeks, my erections came back strong but I am sure it is different for everyone. If you feel the need to masturbate, jump in the bath and run cold water on your junk. The longer in between that you do not satisfy your urges, the less and less intense they are.

On the girl, it sucks, and I am sorry. Work on your porn issue and then turn your attention to the girls. You'll be more confident and your brain will be more motivated to meet girls than you are now. When you do have sex, pay attention to her, look in her eyes, connect to her. I say this because all you know is porn sex right now, and you will drive a girl away if she thinks she is being treated as a sex doll, and you won't even know what happened.

I wish you luck, be strong, and realize that this is not a temp fix but a way to change your life as an individual; to become the man you want to be. There will be lows, but expect that and cherish the good ones too.

Good luck

I'm on day 35 now. Make a real commitment to this, deciding to give up porn could change the direction of your life. There will be a lot of ups and downs over the first couple of weeks but it gets better quickly. I dabbled with the PUA stuff a few years ago. Most of the guys into that stuff are great people who just want to improve themselves, it gets a bad press. Keep blogging, in a way when you record this you feel that by giving in you aren't just letting yourself down but everyone else here which I feel drives me on. Good luck.

Please don't get involved in

Please don't get involved in the PUA community.

The PUA principles make sense when you read them but they install destructive beliefs such as "you're not good enough the way you are" and "you need to be this type of man to attract women" and "do not show interest or she will run away".

There are many PUA websites and books and they all contradict each other. Personally PUA destroyed my self-esteem by making me belief I was not good enough the way I was and that I first had to transform myself if I ever wanted to be successful with women.

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

Quit porn and masturbation. That will take care of all your problems with women. You will feel better about yourself, more confident, and you will not be afraid to approach.

Not necessarily

It's a tough world out there, I wish abstinence would turn me into a ladies man. I'm ok with PUA stuff that is about personal development. Not meaning I'm not good enough the way I am, more like I don't have enough accurate information. There is always room to grow and social interaction I believe is a learned activity. That being said, there is a lot of machoism and immaturity in the community which you need to filter out.

Get ready

I'm going to try to keep this short because I have a ton of homework today. lol. But I want to give you two pieces of advice man. 1. Get the porn out of your life. 2. Don't rule out other girls in favor of the one that is gone.

So, the porn. I am just like you. I was a virgin until I was 30 years old. It sucked. I was increadably embarrased. It was like the single biggest issue in my life and I just wanted to be normal in that respect. I did end up meeting a girl, and finally getting laid. It sounds like you are just about there now too. But I really really wish I had known what I know now about porn a long time ago. I think getting it out of your life will seriously improve your odds. But get ready because it is a struggle.

On girls... Don't get too hung up on your ex. Be open to new girls. Here's what you should do. Get out of your house and go to places where you are in public. Don't be afraid to go by yourself. Go to the library, the local coffee shops, bars, whatever. And then just start talking to people. If you are shy, just start by talking to people who are standing in line with you at the store. "How 'bout this weather?", whatever. Just talk. Then start talking to women. But don't try pick them up. Just talk to them. Do the same thing, make small talk. This is considered flirting. And you will know very quickly weather the girl is interested or not. More often than not, if they think you're a cute guy, but they have a boyfriend, they will be very talkative and friendly, but then they will mention the boyfriend at some point in the conversation. If she doesn't mention the boyfriend, and it seems like somebody you would like to date, ask her if she wants to go get a cup of coffee or a drink some time. If you get the number, and meet her for the date, and you are still interested in her, you're pretty much home free. Then just let it happen, and don't worry, it will. Things will progress, and when she's ready, just do it up. Don't worry, your male instincts will take over at that point and a good time will be had by all. Ha ha. But don't save it all up for the one girl. Get out there and find another one that is interested. I guarantee there are more.

Good luck!

P.S. I stopped writing in the middle of this response so that I could go out and "get the mail" so that I could conveniently bump into the new girl that moved in next door to me. She's a sweetheart and I got her number. Wink

Thanks all

Still going strong hehe! Just wanted to thank you all for the encouraging words, it's good to read about other people who have been in similar situations and made it work eventually. Also, wanted to add that I found this site that is more or less PUA-like, but a lot more women-friendly, and does a very thorough job in explaining the female mindset, how to seduce her, and about improving yourself in a wide variety of ways. Hope it's of some use!

http://www.girlschase.com/

ummmmmmmmmm

Fresh blood... MWHAHAHAHAHAH...

haha, so u finally woke up from that nightmare and ur gonna work ur self out of it.. good luck with that, we r all on the same ship.. :) ide like to give u some tips

1- never ever get concerned of what happens, here i am nearing my 50 days and masturbated once after a wet dream mid way, things r progressing slowly i guess, upwards and downwards.

2- Dont hurry the recovery, let it take its time, when it happen, it will happen.

3- Whenever u feel like shit just remember the day that will come when ull be back normal again, no ED, no emotional disturbances, good life, a relationship and everything good :).

good luck.