Hi guys; I came across to YBOP website thanks to a friend about 3 months ago. At first I didn't take it too seriously and just 'cut down' porn instead of giving it up. However before my summer holiday I realised how I was feeling tired all the time, lacking motivation and it was too hard to concentrate so I decided to take up a 120 day no pmo challenge. All of the symptoms were similar to what other guys wrote on YBOP and this forum and after having a difficulty in the first week due to a deep flatline, I realised how I was recovering and how porn ruined my life. In the meantime, in order to speed up 'rewiring' and 'recovery' I started going to the gym and meet up more frequently with my female friends. However on day 53 I stupidly thought it would be a good time to 'test' masturbation without porn, and I actually succeeded to masturbate without watching or fantasising about porn. However, it led to a big chaser effect so I relapsed after just three days. Today I am re-starting my counter and taking up a challenge of 9 months or at least 250 days of no PMO. I think I learned from my mistakes from my first reboot, so this time I am installing a parental control software to my lap top to block porn sites and this time I will avoid masturbation even without porn.
Another conclusion I drew from my last reboot is that I turn to masturbation because; even though I hate to admit it, deep down I fear that I will never have a proper relationship with a girl I like. I'm not a virgin but only had sex couple of times, all of them were one-night stands and in my last two affairs, I had difficulty to 'get it up' and thought it was just performance anxiety. Now I see it is actually porn related.
Another thing that worries me is that during my past reboot even though it lasted nearly 2 months I didn't have any wet dreams and after masturbation I realised how my balls shrank so deep down, I also fear I might have lost my fertility at some point may be? And as I said before, when I was at high school and university I was shy around girls, so I believe reboot will take longer since I started MO with porn, before I started to 'flirt' around girls at a young age (when I was 14, actually and now I'm 23)
Also I promised myself that in two years time, before 01/01/2016 If I don't have a proper relationship with a girl, I will give up trying to find a girlfriend and even having one-night stands. I was never good with girls anyway, didn't have a single GF since puberty so even after this reboot If I can't find a girl, I will just accept the fact that I'm not good at relationships and girls don't like me so wether I PMO or not won't matter anymore.
For those who read this post to the end, thanks a lot! I will give you updates every month; at least I'll try. Any comments, suggestions and motivational writings will be appreciated.