Hey guys it's been a while since i posted something of substance here, so I figured today is a great day to do so.
If my memory serves me right, then today is the second time I've gone 90 days without pornography. There have been long stretches here and there but always included a slip somewhere along the way. This time though, I don't think I'll have anything to worry about as I did this 90 days much different from before. I'll explain.
Let's start with last years reboot:
So I read the info on YBOP and immediately start my journey into this new lifestyle. Naturally I was clumbsy to a fault and I barely made it to 67 days or so before I started masturbating again. Sigh. I can't stress enough that one should never go back to masturbation. It's just pointless. Sooner or later(After more than 100 days) I got back into porn and the loop restarted. 50 days or so would be followed by a relapse followed by another long stretch. So many times I told myself and my girlfriend that I was done this time, only to slip again. I made great progress on the way though:
- I stopped masturbating(Minus the porn slipups.)
- I stopped needing to come to this site.
-I met the greatest girl ever and started dating her sseriously.
- I started to take studies more seriously
- I started to really evaluate my friendships and take back the energy wasted on the bad ones.
- I picked up a new hobby in bass and guitar playing.
And now for this year...
What I've done differently this time around is something that was so obvious, and yet, I could never do it. I completely took out the visual stimuli. I eliminated all women from my computer screen. I can't believe how I never saw my own patterns before, but I honestly feel like I was edging the whole time last year. Basically, if you're quitting something, don't tease yourself at all! So yeah that little detail changed everything for me and I haven't had many urges this time around at all.
So lets' do a list of the improvements this time around:
- Sex with my girlfriend is mindblowing every time. I swear she gets sexier and sexier to me, and it goes beyond physical.
- I completed my first solo album in which I recorded the bass and guitar parts. It's my baby though so no, no one can here it sorry.
- I joined a band recently, and we're scheduled to start playing during christmas break.
- I made lots of new friends who I can't wait to build relationships with. I actually am interested in people in general now, and I get excited easily when listening to life stories. I really never cared before. I don't beat dead horses anymore in that if someone does not have the same drive or inerests as I do, I leave them be. I no longer hang out much with the old friends who reinforced my bad habits. If I do, then we're doing different things other than sitting in playing video games for hours.
- I feel the desire to have female friends... This one is big because I really sincerely feel it now that I want to care about them now. I don't want to have sex with them even though they're very attractive. It's wierd, my girlfriend always told me that guys and girls can be friends, but I never thought it was possible to not want to have sex with the opposite sex. Now I'm humbled.
- I'm almost a year in with the same beauty that I started dating last year, and our love just gets better and better. I hear it gets tougher in the second year though.
- And again, the women... I feel different about them. I feel like I want to build relationships with them. I still want to have sex with some of them, but those are the ones I don't know yet. I feel like the ones I DO know, I don't want to have sex with them as much as I want to care for them. Plus I'm taken so...
Last thing I want to say is that if you relapse, you probably should restart the counter... It sucks but the withdrawal, although mild at times, seems to have started over with me. The mood swings came back for a long time, the anxiety was through the roof, the low motivation was there, the attraction to vidoe games and web surfing was very strong! I always hear that the progress is cumulative and I do agree, but that does not guarantee that you will never have withdrawal again as in my case. Somewhere around day 75 was when I started to feel on top of my game again, and my girlfriend had to play a role in this too. Another thing that helped was starting a penny pile. One for each day at the foot of my bed really inspired me to keep going, and after 30 days, I started to use emeralds. After a while though my girlfriend found out and convinced me that I no longer needed to pile them if I was truly done with porn. Guess I was.
Be well guys.