About 20 days in, today is just crazy.

Submitted by Jake81 on
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So 20 days since i last masturbated to "my version" of porn, and 13 days since a wet dream. I was feeling really good yesterday, but today is extremely challenging and confusing. I had morning wood when i woke up, a strong erection. I don't really know if this was a full erection cause it's been so long I've been hooked I no longer even know. Before I continue, I have to mention that my addiction is not to porn, I used to watch videos of girls beating guys in wrestling, this is my huge turn on. I haven't masturbated to actual porn in a long time. So when I woke up with morning wood, it led to thoughts of a probable future sex opportunity. In about 10 day's time, I'm meeting a girl and I expect this will lead to sex.

So I was still in bed, and looked at me penis. It had a strong erection but was at an almost 90 degree angle, I could not get it straight. This tripped me up cause I realized I could not have sex with the girl being on top. If I am in the top position, it is still curved, but nothing that would prevent me from doing my thing. So I went on google to see if any other guys could not be in the bottom position, eventually this got me pretty aroused cause I was thinking of sex with a girl on top, which turns me on. I stopped thinking about it but noticed about half an hour later, a leakage of precum or sperm, don't really know which it was.

For the whole day I've had a minor headache, and the feeling of too much sexual pressure. Now I have had headaches frequently the last 10 days from smoking. I've tried stopping but end up going a day without then chain smoking, which usually gives me a headache.

A part of me thinks that I have relapsed (not fully) because of the arousal and precum/sperm leakage. But I have not thought about the fetish videos that I was/am addicted to, just looking forward to a probable sex encounter. I think it's normal to think about sex occasionally and get aroused, but I'm not really sure what to make of this.

If anyone knows more about this, I would appreciate any help.

It's so easy

to get suckered into that "Let me see if I can find a video on that" during the rough stages of rebooting. Two weeks after one's last orgasm is often particularly challenging....something to do with natural neuroendocrine cycles perhaps. I'm sorry about the headache. Sometimes cold water can reset your system: Cold water technique Headaches are a "normal" withdrawal symptom for lots of addictions: WITHDRAWAL

As for your penis configuration, stop worrying. You and a caring partner absolutely will find ways of satisfying you both.

Glad to hear about that date. Hope it goes well!

Thanks, went to the gym and

Thanks, went to the gym and feel better now. Had an outburst in my car on the way back, said to my self "stop **** tripping out every ***** time you get hard".

I was making a mountain out of a mole. I know the feeling after a full relapse all too well, I feel like crap and like I've lost a part of me. I don't feel like that at all right now, so it's a small hiccup at most.

a bent penis

isn't any obstacle to sex unless it is REALLY bent.

It's one of those things us guys will obsess on needlessly. Telling you that won't help I'm sure, but I'll say it anyway, lol.

The obsessing about this is a typical symptom of what the brain does in order to get us to jack off. It is best to realize that these are what I call "garbage thoughts" and just be okay with those thoughts but don't believe them.