Another reboot...1.5 years later. Age 25

Submitted by avb on
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I apologize for the long post but not sure how to summarize this. I rebooted once and fully recovered in about 2 months. This was in January 2012. The link to that is below:

http://www.reuniting.info/node/11159

I was recovered to a point where I felt invincible... stupid, I know. I was able to get hard erections all the time and then I got back into my downward spiral- the dreaded PMO. I was into PMO on a very regular basis...maybe every 2 or 3 days but long sessions. Then 6 months later in August 2012 after my full recovery, I was getting worse again. I kept telling myself I could take a couple weeks off and get back to normal. That kept getting postponed, I continued my PMO and it started gradually getting worse.

In March I took 3 weeks off and saw a pretty good improvement- barely any TV to trigger urge, no dating sites, and of course no P. After the 3 weeks I had a 85-90% erection and PMOed. I continued PMO every couple days for a month then decided I needed a drastic change. Starting in the end of April, I told myself no PMO. I was very good but continued browsing dating sites a lot, regularly but stopped this after a month. Then a month later, I felt about 70-80% healed but you can never be sure. I was able to get almost a full erection just thinking of a girl. This was 2 months in then I gave in and PMOed 3 times in a week and felt back to feeling as bad as I was.

The last time I PMOed was July 5th so it's been about 40 days now. I browsed dating sites during this time but decided to stop a few days ago. I've been getting erections at times when I'm on dates and getting many half spontaneous erections when sitting down at work, train, etc. but not standing ..not sure if anyone knows what I mean. I get semihard erections when kissing but I feel off. I don't have wet dreams and haven't ejaculated in 40 days and I feel semen leaking when I urinate. About two weeks ago I felt like I was fully healed. That went away the next day. I haven't felt that good since. My question is do I need to/will I experience a flatline to fully heal and when can I try to get oral and or have sex. This has been very depressing and mentally tough. I'm not sure if I should try to rewire with a girl or wait until a certain point.

I appreciate your feedback. Thanks.

Sorry for your struggles

I hope anyone else with this problem reads your post. If your brain is sensitive enough to today's porn to develop sexual performance problems...then it can easily do so again. It's like an allergy...at least for you. You can't use it. You can't be "healed" in the sense you rationalized.

It sounds like you know all this...now, but have you totally accepted that you can't watch it? See these advice posts from other recovered guys: Rebooting Advice & Observations

The other key piece is that Internet porn addiction is, above all, and Internet addiction. Your brain doesn't know the difference between porn and online dating pics. It's all one big dopamine bonanza to it, because of the seeking and novelty and sexiness. So it's the behavior of clicking to arouse yourself sexually that is the addiction...not porn as such. What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)? | Your Brain On Porn

No one can say what your flatline experience will be, but whatever it is, you have little choice but to go through it and then stay off the porn if you really want to heal. Ominously, young guys are needing longer and longer to rewire to real partners. Did you see this article? Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo

There are lots of good resources now, if you need support:

YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

r/Pornfree

REDDIT.NoFap

NoFap.in

Everything we've learned from the men recovering is collected here: www.yourbrainonporn.com

You might like this guy's vids: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4ujctdYJnQ

And learn more about what's going on in your brain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvyejdlmKpE&feature=youtu.be

One successful guy's tip (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/age-25-ed-cured-no-more-depression-anxiet...): "Research. Read all the articles from Your Brain On Porn. Read rebooting accounts here. Read success stories. Read studies. Then, when you're tempted, you know EXACTLY why you're rebooting, know EXACTLY what will happen if you CHOOSE to relapse, and have complete confidence in the process. Any doubt, any uncertainty leads to failure. This process works! The first couple weeks are the hardest, but once you break through and start seeing results, it gets much easier."

Inspiration: "You Know Nofap Is Working If...

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1j1t3j/you_know_nofap_is_working_if/

Lies your mind uses to keep you addicted:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/45-lies-your-mind-uses-keep-you-addicted

Hope things sort out soon.

my suggestion

is to spend as much time with a girl as you can without orgasms, someone you like. A lot of cuddlng and hand holding builds up Oxytocin and will help you not only avoid porn but also have better erections and more sensation. I think this is key to a recovery and without it, I think recovery is much more difficult.

 

Determined and focused

Thanks Marnia. This has been a difficult battle and doubts keep creeping into my head. I'm determined and will keep my focus. I'm currently on day 45 so I'm exactly halfway there to my theoretic recovery point of 90 days (hopefully even sooner). The link to the account of the 25 year old has really helped me mentally. It has built faith in my efforts since its not always easy to keep going when you can't see the light at the end. I've read many accounts but keep thinking my case is unique and may take longer to fully recover. For some reason I never saw this particular rebooting account - maybe because its pretty recent.

And Emerson, I'll take your advice and will keep you guys posted. Thanks.

Also it seems like people don't post here much- I don't see many recent posts. Are people posting still or is it just me not able to find them?

Most of the rebooting guys

got shuffled off to other recovery venues last year when we were away for most of a month. I didn't want them to be without support. Here's a new one, founded by the creater of r/NoFap. You can get an accountability partner there, which can really help.

www.nofap.in

Other forums:

YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

r/Pornfree

REDDIT.NoFap

Everything we've learned from the men recovering is collected here: www.yourbrainonporn.com

Stimuli to avoid

I'm avoiding all the obvious stimuli but what about dopamine-raising intense shooting video games?

I like to play these games sometimes but since they are not PMO-related at all, they seem fine. I remember reading somewhere on YBOP that you should avoid such video games but I am very skeptical. If playing them truly does hurt recovery time, I will stop but I just don't see how it can affect my recovery.

What do you think?

It's up to you

In general, time away from the computer seems to help the brain rebalance better. So socializing, time in nature, exercising, meditation, etc. have been shown to be particularly helpful.

Gaming can keep you in that escapist, distraction mode that is based on constant visual novelty and anticipation.

But moderation is probably the key.

In any case, what really matters is what works for you in your life. Getting too rigid can bring its own set of problems.

You might like this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at21uKqawJA

When I least expected it...

It happened, I relapsed. I've been edging and browsing dating sites and before I went to sleep, I PMOed. Just before I was about to go to sleep, I had the urge and I couldn't fight it, wanted to MO to just images at first but that didn't last very long. Felt pretty crappy today and don't feel normal. Mentally I'm exhausted and was difficult to function normally at work.

If anything good was to come out of this, I have been very good for the past few months. Since March, I've had streaks of 20, 60, and 50 days of no PMO. I've only PMOed 4-5 times since May but have browsed dating sites which has set me back some. I see people have trouble building streaks of even a week of no PMO and am glad I can go weeks and months at a time but these random relapses realy hurt my recovery.I keep wishing I could go back in time and just go to sleep.

I saw one really great post that helped me realize what I was doing. I knew most of this but this reinforced what I knew and what a beast this is to overcome and fully heal from. This was me all along and I realized even seeking out the smallest visual stimulus hurts and the day count is meaningless. Not sure how many people are here but a great post below anyone in this situation needs to read:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=3381.0

Thanks

I think that's the solution. Like you said before, anything too rigid isn't good either.

Thanks for all your advice and support Marnia. I'll continue to check in here and maybe other sites as well.