Being physically specific when sharing personal karezza experiences on reuniting.info

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I realize that there is much knowledge from long time members on this site regarding karezza techniques on how to relax both partners, bond appropriately, how to move or not move, and the nitty bitty details regarding PIV. However, I have found that most members speak very vaguely and do not share in physical detail on how they are practicing karezza. I often read forum comments searching for advice on the various interesting topics, and I find very vague and aloof descriptions in what exactly people are doing. I know Karezza in your own journey, but if this is a forum where we share experiences, I want to understand details. Members Emerson and treehouse have done a pretty good job at explaining physical actions that take place during their experiences. I think that one reason that members are not sharing details is that they are sharing their experiences in regard to the feelings they are having, rather than the actions they are taking.

Example: allow the love to emanate from your breasts. A concept I've read about on here. What exactly is happening? If the point is to focus on the present moment, I could see how "focus on the sensations you are feeling in your breasts right now" could help. But telling me about a "positive polarity" or some vague electrical flow sensation doesn't do me any good. It suggests that this is what I could feel, but not what I'm supposed to get there.

Also, there is a lot of vagueness in regards to how a man moves inside a woman. I request that when people write about their experiences, they write specifically.. At least when they are talking about a specific topic. I don't expect someone to say the details for a three hour long love session... But when you describe a certain issue, like lack of movement in a PIV connection, don't describe it as a "connection" or "one unit"... Or any talk about seeking greater understanding or ascension together... . These are descriptions of what it feels like in PIV, not what you actually do.

Let's face it, the emotional parts of karezza can only be known by the two people who are doing it. Stick to talking about the nitty gritty details regarding the penis, the vagina, the hands, the eyes, the body. Poetic descriptions only make karezza seem beautiful- not any more attainable or realistic. Tell me how many inches you move, your positions, how long you are there, how hard or soft the penis is, how tight or non-tight the woman is. These are the details I want to know!!!!!!!

I know there are descriptions like this in Marnia's and Diana's books, but the whole point of a forum is to hear from all different people's experiences to gain perspective... Not just hearing about the ideal sexual experience in detail from an author and then trying to base my understanding only on that. Please, please, post and describe what you DO. I need advice about what I can do, not about how you felt.

I think you misunderstand something

you think that all the answers lie in technique, and that if you just wring the details out of forum members you will have all the answers you seek. I doubt this is the case. Part of what goes on in karezza is changes within you and your partner, over time, as you become more sensitive and more accustomed to the concept.

No amount of technical detail will substitute for that...unfortunately.

I guess

You're right. I've just been wondering if anyone else has been noticing this pattern. Didn't want to mark it seem like I'm demanding what other people do- I'm more bringing up the topic and I'd like to know if others can relate.

Gentle

I have found this particular journey with karezza particularly self evolving and never seems to stay in any one place for very long. I also like specific details but this arena seems to work best with a rough outline from my experience . "Engage sexually without orgasm", is really about it in my definition. I dont think anything further is really necessary although I enjoy and appreciate other peoples stories. When I started practicing this approach to sexuality there was no reuniting.info, no Cupids Poisoned Arrow, no forum, no one to talk to at all, just some Taoist sexual information I got out of a couple books. We just felt our way in the dark, so to speak....and it was wonderful journey, our individual journey.

I follow the feeling not the technique. What I might do on Wednesday could look considerably different on Saturday. This comes just about as close to a technique-less practice as I have ever found. Personally I think you're better off with less information, rather than more.

I also think sex is a rather personal matter and some folks prefer a more general sharing rather than a nitty gritty one.

With that said, feel free to contact me personally anytime you may have a personal question, I'll do my best to answer as specifically as possible.

I recall

one of the members here was asking me for really specific stuff. He was in a bit of a point of feeling like he and his girlfriend weren't moving. I gave him all these specifics like how my my penis went in at first, how many inches, how many seconds, whatever, all this bla bla detailed stuff.

But a week or two later, it was kind of a joke because they were had broken through where they were. It's just totally unnecessary and actually doesn't add anything to your journey.

That's my experience personally. The specifics seemed to matter a lot but only when I felt stuck. But just persevere and you'll break through and it is always your journey and the nature of it is it doesn't matter how you do it. It just isn't important. You'll do it the way you both love it, and that's enough.

Very different from all the "25 new positions" crapola that's touted out there, the "what to do that's new in the bedroom when you're bored" and all that. Technique is just totally unimportant here.

I appreciate the responses from everyone

I realize that my partner and I have learned a lot through our own practice. I guess the real problem is both my partner and I trusting our own feelings as we realize what is best for each of us individually and what is best together. Thanks for your thoughts.

it can take awhile for this to smooth out

but it does...it really does...you end up in a great place as a couple, even if it seems difficult now.

There is nothing that helps this as much as Karezza but that is in the medium and long run. Short run it can be kind of threatening and stir the pot a bit in a relationship, but it works out.

I don't recal

Hi and welcome~~

I honestly don't recall seeing vague posts and feel that many of the posts here (including my own) are *quite* specific~~not sure what you've been reading, but it would probably help you to get Diana's books (all of them) and then perhaps some of the posts will make more sense? Good luck to you!

Sex Is an Art Not a Science—Especially Karezza

I have to agree with everyone else responding that most people are fairly specific in responses. I had a problem with “hitting bottom” if you will against my girlfriend’s cervix. Rachel and Marnia both gave some pretty explicit suggestions on how to slide in gently and not hurt my partner. They were specific enough that I made my girlfriend much happier the next time I went in deep—actually almost too happy.

Karezza isn’t something where you use an assembly manual. Karezza is the journey you take with your partner not the destination—it doesn’t have a goal like regular sex. You enjoy the journey. You don’t need a roadmap you just need to be pointed in the right direction. You are looking at this too much of form over function. You try something and if it doesn’t work exactly, you try a little differently next time. Even if it does come out good try something different. Don’t know about you and your partner but we like trying things a little different—experimenting can be fun.

Everybody’s sexual response is different, Karezza or not. When my girlfriend and I were not together for awhile I hooked up with this one girl that said she liked a lot of boob action. So I did this thing that my girlfriend liked when we were doing regular sex, bunch of tongue action and a little sucking. This other girl found it absolutely annoying and it just totally turned her off. I almost didn’t get to the main prize. The next week I tried it with a different girl I was with and she couldn’t get me inside her fast enough. The moves were the same just different players.

So my bottom line is try to get the basic concept and go have some fun. There is no right or wrong answer, if you enjoy it is all good.

Cervix Sex Advice from Rachel and Marnia

Emerson, here are the links to Rachel and Marnia’s comments on sex and touching the cervix with your third hand. Ironically it was on a thread that you started a little over a year ago.

http://reuniting.info/comment/84901#comment-84901

http://reuniting.info/comment/84915#comment-84915

You do need to be careful; the pillow I think tightened up my girlfriend’s “grip”. Rachel is right it does push things to hot pretty fast. Both suggestions are fun to try!

The problem is we're having a hard time enjoying mutually

Anything mutually. He wants more stimulation, and I generally want less. We've both gotten very frustrated at different times- when the other really likes it. We're really at opposite ends. That's why I'm looking for details on what to do, because we try something and it works for one, not for the other. But neither of us feel fulfilled at the same time. It's getting to the point that we feel depressed to get into bed with eachother. We are also dealing with the stress of trying to build a business together, and balancing responsibilities... So that could be part of it. Any advice helps- thank you!

What about taking turns?

One time you try out his rhythm, and the next time he tries out yours...both keeping open minds. That would minimize resentment perhaps. As long as he's not trying to push you over The Edge, it may work out.

I find it helpful when we talk to each other

The specifics can be important, but only to you and your partner. My specifics aren't the same as yours, or anyone else's really.

There absolutely is a connection between what you are doing, how you are doing it and what you and your partner feel in response. But it's a delicate dance, never the same twice (kind of the point); an almost infinite number of sensations and emotions moving and flowing, never staying in one place.

Because of that, I find it's helpful for us to talk to each other about what we're doing and feeling in the moment. It's not like we're chatting constantly during sex, but since starting our Karezza journey, we've found ourselves talking a lot more and more specifically about these things; and it's very helpful. There is a much, much higher level of honesty and frankness between us now. Now, we don't take offense when our partner speaks up saying something like, "I'm not feeling it", or "that's not working for me", or, "how about a little more of X and a little less of Y", or "I need to slow down or I'll go over the edge", or even "wow". We certainly didn't start there, but having done some book reading about Karezza and in this forum, we're finding that a lot easier to do than it was. But it still takes courage to speak up. Maybe someday (I hope) we will find it totally natural, effortless and risk-free.

In our (American) culture, it seems to be expected that people can read each other's minds, or better yet, that there is a one-size-fits-all approach to sex that anyone can master rendering the opposite sex powerless to resist, blah blah blah. That's all a load of crap. What matters is what works for you, and the only way you'll ever know that is to talk to each other.

Hope that helps.

I love the idea of talking but it doesn't work for us

I find that conversation really doesn't help. I would like it to, but in our case, it doesn't.

It just doesn't add anything to the mix and makes things awkward actually.

Fortunately the fullest expression of this type of living and sex is all the communication a couple really needs, IMHO.

Couples just need to find their way here on their own in many ways. One of those ways is talking or communication. In our case, less is more :)

emerson wrote:

[quote=emerson]I find that conversation really doesn't help. [/quote]
I suppose I should have said communicate, connect, etc, but not necessarily talk Smile

In our case, if we don't talk, then ideas form in our heads about what the other is thinking, feeling, wanting, not wanting, etc. so we find that for us, talking helps us connect and bridge the gap. And at times, there is some adjustment that needs to be made that I'm not intuitive enough to pick up on without it being said out loud. Perhaps in time, we will need to talk less. I don't know. I believe Diana Richardson considers communication to be an important aspect of this style of lovemaking (one of her "love keys"). She also says that not every tool she recommends will work for every couple, which is why she offers more than one.

[quote=emerson]I would like it to, but in our case, it doesn't.It just doesn't add anything to the mix and makes things awkward actually.Fortunately the fullest expression of this type of living and sex is all the communication a couple really needs, IMHO.Couples just need to find their way here on their own in many ways. One of those ways is talking or communication. In our case, less is more :)[/quote]

In this particular thread, the original request was asking people to share what they do specifically. For us, the talking is probably more helpful than focusing on specifically what the genitals are doing. But I probably have a tendency to assume that what works for us is what works for everyone, so I get your point.

Thanks

I agree on that it changes each and every time, and we have gotten better about talking, but we have a Lon way to go. I can see how out experience so unique to ourselves,, which makes it our own journey. I guess we'll keep trying.

it took us many months

I think it takes at least 6 months to "get the hang of it" and maybe a year or more. It just does.

It changes the whole relationship for the best I think, but it takes time and there's no way around that.

It didn't take me long to stop having orgasms. But it took me a long time to feel good about my life and get over issues that were mostly due to my imposing my beliefs on my partner.

So there was an undoing, a letting go of that, and accepting what I had rather than what I imagined I wanted.

Now it's all good and it's been about two years.