Benefits of Extended Continence?

Submitted by John G. on
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I keep pushing the limit, and keep falling over the edge, every 10-14 days.

I regularly have an inadvertent ejaculation every 10-14 days; there is little pleasure in the release, i.e., there is no accompanying neurochemical blast/orgasm.

My recovery is quick, given that my wife and I have been practicing Karezza for two years and that I eat well, exercise, meditate, handle stress well, etc.

I read of folks going without ejaculation and orgasm for months and months, and that sounds ideal.

I see the benefits of my 10-14 days of continence: increased energy, increased confidence, more creativity, more even-keeled, better muscle mass.

I have never in my adult life been continent for longer than 10-14 days; my current regimen is as good as it has ever been.

Do the benefits of continence increase linearly out to months and months? Are any men out there becoming Hulk-like or Buddha-like or Tesla-like as they maintain their continence out to months and months?

A picture of the benefits of continence at months and months out versus the benefits of continence at only 10-14 days out may somehow get through my thick skull that I really ought to stay away from the edge so that I, too, can enjoy 'benefits X, Y, and Z' of months-long continence.

It seems more complex than a

It seems more complex than a linear increase in benefits over time as there are cumulative gains even if punctuated by orgasm. It's an experiential practice, perhaps like meditation or even life itself. Hard as it can be, it's important to avoid excess focus on day counts or any particular orgasm. Over time, one begins to have had many o-free days and periods in contrast to those with orgasm. With that practice comes insight and perhaps some of the elusive benefits. Is there some reported benefit that you're not seeing? 

In tracking these things, I wonder whether any animal other than humans might resort to such a mad enterprise? 

"...Is there some reported

"...Is there some reported benefit that you're not seeing?..."

No, even with my ejaculations happening once every 10-14 days, I think I am seeing all of the purported and reported benefits of Karezza. I am very happy with Karezza, with its help in my marriage and with its help of me, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I just bring up the question to see if there is, indeed, something that I am not seeing, given that I am a relatively leaky faucet, compared to the Karezza continence studs around here.

Hi John -

Hi John -

In my own personal experiences the continued continence has a host of subtle and not so subtle benefits which are worth the effort required to experience. Like yourself, I often find myself inside of the passion cycle due to ejaculation beyond my control. I've learned that if I'm inside of my wife, I'm going to pursue orgasm. I'm 27 and eat a Paleo diet which supports healthy hormonal balance and the hunger can be too much for me to handle. My wife and I decided that due to the benefits of prolonged continence we would no longer engage in any genital stimulation.

That may sound extreme since you've never been on the other side, but I've been out to 50 days without orgasm and it was a tremendous experience. I felt much clearer, brighter and invigorated. The spiritual part of my being felt much more in tune with realms other than purely this physical one; I felt connected to Source. I could walk through the beautiful forest that I live on and feel the vibrations of nature. I do not feel any of that on the inside of two weeks. My wife and I currently undergoing a "real" 100-day reboot from orgasm itself, and are already enjoying new benefits as a result.

Caveat to my advice above: I grew up with high-speed internet in my bedroom, I had extremely aloof parents and a penchant for solitude. I spent a great deal of my teenage time indulging in pornographic material. My brain has a roadmap that when activated by any sexual stimulation, craves pornography and separation from the world so that it can maximize the exposure. For me, the number of days away from sexual stimulation is vital to personal well-being. I would recommend that you give orgasms a break for a few months and see how it works for you. It will represent well under one percent of your lifetime that you will go without an orgasm. But that small investment of time could very well be the best investment of your life in terms of happiness.

Warm Regards,
Key Grove

Thanks for your report, Key

Thanks for your report, Key Grove! Absolutely wonderful, what you report out at 50 days without ejaculation, being much clearer, brighter, invigorated, and much more spiritually attuned. Those are things that I want.

Very helpful, that you report that you do not see these things within two weeks of ejaculation, but only out beyond.

You convinced me, that the benefits of extended continence are real and most worthwhile.

I will try better at not pushing things, at staying away from the edge.

Thanks, Key Grove!

Absolutely John! I would add

Absolutely John! I would add one more thing: the importance of having an ideal. I realized recently that the only thing that truly helps me through the moments when hunger just washes over me and all of sudden I am experiencing thoughts of just having to search the internet for sexual content, or I just have to make love to my wife in a frenzy, is having an ideal picture of what life would be like without orgasm. I try to be an open-minded skeptic about it but with a couple of key data points from prior experience it is hard to not just have faith in continence. I grew up reading all of these spiritual books, mostly Eastern, and they all talked about celibacy as a necessary component of attaining these profound states of consciousness. So I realize I have this built-in ideal complete with a belief system that drives me to want to experience what it would feel like six months, one year, five years out from the last orgasm.

What builds up over that period of time? What happens when you combine that with other spiritual practices such as letting go/releasing, meditation, binaural beats, clean diet? It's up to us to explore and find out because only our own subjective experience can truly give us the answers that we seek. There are so few data points from others to go on. That's what makes it fun and rewarding: we're exploring for ourselves and finding our own ideals. We have to have the discipline within because no one else is going to do it for us. And if they do give us an answer, we'll toss it away anyway because it isn't our answer. If we didn't derive it from our own data points then it is a map of the territory at best. It only shows the way; we have to travel it ourselves fully and completely to get all that it may hold for us.

Marnia's book was rocket fuel that finally launched me off the pad and convinced me to break away from that which was holding me back. Her husband's first 10 month account of Karezza brought tears to both my wife and I and we decided we wanted to experience our version of that. Now we're exploring in this direction. It's been a struggle at times to let go of the hunger, but with perseverance we are heading in that direction. Best wishes to you and your wife as you strive to find what works for you.

No Genital Stimulation?

Keygrove you said, “…we would no longer engage in any genital stimulation.” I may be a little dense, I am an engineer and my girlfriend says I prefer very concrete concepts, but what do you do? I mean this is sex, right? At 27 you are just a few years older than my girlfriend and I are; we enjoy genital stimulation—a whole lot. We have both at times gone more than a month without an orgasm; hard to do at our age but we did it. We did it with controlled intercourse and stimulation.

We both decided we liked the

We both decided we liked the way our lives flowed without sex, or any stimulation in those areas. I like the clarity and creativity that flows in other areas of life when that is not a part of it. We use what is often called "releasing" or "letting go" when a lot of sexual energy arises. (For a formal method of releasing see Sedona.com). Basically the idea is you get into radical acceptance about what you are feeling, you stay with that feeling without trying to modify it or change it and you allow the feelings to be felt without resisting them. In due time the feelings pass and you are left lighter and freer.

I found that this technique was amazing in all areas of life. You can tell when you are resisting by the clutching that you experience in your physiology, especially in your stomach or chest area. When you let go of the clutch consciously, and allow the energy to just be there, it will dissolve without repression or suppression. It can take hours sometimes, but it is always worth it. In this way we have discovered that life is so much more vibrant without sexual activity. That's our position on the sexual continuum; it may certainly not be for everyone (no right or wrong here implied).

That's my long way of saying: no, I don't have sex anymore. But I wanted to give you a concrete reason of why I don't. I started releasing on the feelings behind thoughts about 18 months ago and ever since I've allowed the process to go into deeper and deeper areas just to see what happens when I do. I'm really liking the results so far. The times when I've had sex, even Karezza-based stillness without movement or orgasm, I just didn't like the results afterwards.

Next Step for You and Wife...

...becoming 'breatharians'?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inedia

I say it tongue-in-cheek, but not really.

The stuff that I read says that beings at higher levels get by on chi/prana alone. I have not investigated the claims by breatharians, but assume that they are telling the truth, that they get by on sunlight alone. There is evidence that some of our cells use photosynthesis to create energy:
http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/dietary-chlorophyll-helps-us-captureuse...
http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/can-humans-photosynthesize-1

I was paleo some years ago. But, over time, I have adopted the view of our daughter, who is largely vegetarian, that animals are higher-order beings in spiritual evolution, just as we humans are. So, my wife and I are largely vegetarian, now, too.

It really is great that we are free to pursue the myriad of paths available in our pursuit of enlightenment.

At this point, I admit that I am a caveman, willing to give up animal meat but not wife meat (ha, ha).

Great topic and some really

Great topic and some really insightful comments. I have been experimenting with sexual continence for around a year and recently consciously brought to an end a 10 week period of retention. That was the longest yet but the cycles have been getting longer and longer. I brought it to an end because I was curious to see what would happen.

I must emphasise that mine has largely been a solo journey. I have seen other topics around Karezza as a solo practice and I would like to say that it is undoubtedly a valid option. Of course, with a partner is better.

So, my thoughts on the benefits of extended continence. I first started with a "21 day challenge" that I got from a Tantra website. After a few failed attempts I eventually got there. I was not aiming to get there by pure abstinence but instead continued masturbating as well as the odd interaction with my wife (these usually end the cycle). Once I had got used to the idea of going for the 3 weeks I embedded this as a regular way of being although actually getting to 3 weeks continued to be a challenge and I would fail every other time so more normal was a 2 followed by a 3 followed by a 2 etc.

However, in doing this I began to notice some curious things. I noticed that the benefits reported of continence were kind of there but in a vague way. In contrast the physical reaction and loss of energy on the other side of the orgasm was more noticeable. Eventually the penny dropped and I realised three important things -
1) in my regular masturbation sessions I was coming too close to the edge and, while not ejaculating, was probably triggering some of the hormonal and other reactions and
2) that by avoiding orgasm for 1, 2 or 3 weeks was of little point anyway - if you figure that the body spends say a week post orgasm totally out of whack and then spends another week restoring order then all you are really doing is keeping the body in that continual cycle. Every time it heals you just break it again which is quite mad
3) psychologically the idea of having a target was sabotaging consistently getting there and most certainly preventing any notion of going beyond. Instead, the 3 week orgasm was becoming the goal. The constant day-counting also set up the mindset when I strayed too close to the edge that I may as well continue over as a "reward" for getting to day X anyway.

As a result I changed my outlook totally. I lost the concept of having any goal or target. That was key. And I slowed way down and became more conscious of my body, how it was feeling, where my arousal was at. Masturbation became self-pleasuring, or self-love if you like. Instead of almost exclusively taking place for 10 minutes or so in the shower I took the time to plan a long bath or an hour or two on my own to slowly, lovingly and without pressure "wake" my body up.

In this way I very quickly began to lengthen the gap between orgasm to 6, then 8 weeks then suddenly the desire or need to orgasm disappeared. Like I said at the beginning it took a conscious decision to go there.

This is where it began to get really interesting. I also do a lot of energy work on my self and also meditate on and off. I focused my energy work around my sexual energy and the first two chakras. I also began to meditate with the same focus - supplementing with binaural beats focused on the prostate, kundalini and relevant chakras.

What I began to discover amazed me. Physically, I felt more in tune with my body. I felt more in tune with my sexual side. I became very aware of my penis through the day (up to now I hadn't even realised I was unaware!!). I felt more powerful. Not in a macho kind of way just somehow more solid. More there. I calmed waaay down. I have a very stressful job but a feeling of serene calm and certainty descended. I could concentrate. Was less reactive. Less needy.

Energetically I began to feel a real buzz that I have never in more than 10 years of practice experienced. The energy became much stronger and had a visceral quality to it. So palpable the boundary between physical and energetic were iindiscernible.

Sorry for rambling but I am most excited for these discoveries and wanted to share. So in summary in answer to the original question I think the benefits of extended continence look something like this:
- 0 - 3 weeks. None
- 3 - 6 weeks. The benefits one reads about begin to manifest. Physically more in tune, mentally more alert. Calmer. Desire for orgasm diminishing - begins to pale in comparison to toher benefits.
- 6 weeks on. Desire for orgasm goes away (even replaced by fear of straying to orgasm and losing the benefits). All the other benefits listed above but on steroids.

Hope that is useful to anyone wondering about retaining for longer or stuck in a short cycle wondering where the benefits are.

It's so important to experiment

It's the best way to learn. In my view, it's also the case that no single formula will be perfect for everyone - given that we're all at different starting points. For example, while I hoped 3 weeks of Exchanges (in my book) would be enough for people to get a "taste" of the kinds of improvements they might see, I've come to realize that in today's hyperstimulating sexual environment, some people need months of cutting back before they can begin to experience benefits, and that's assuming they're not "edging" a lot, as you say.

I track several porn recovery forums, and I see many guys make the same mistake I did. They may try to give up porn for a year, making some progress - but with frequent reversions to porn. Then, they finally get rolling, are more consistent, and see huge gains - and assume that whatever they did last "caused" those gains. My guess is that the earlier progress was essential to the healing process, too, and that once they were somewhat stabilized, they were ready for the next phase, whatever that was for them. And suddenly, they saw a big step forward.

In short, there's plenty to learn, and your experience is very instructive because you tried different things and carefully observed what you experienced. My point is just that the earlier phases may contribute in their own way to the ultimate gains, just as much as the willingness to alter the experiment over time.

Thanks!

Thank you for thoughtfully sharing your experience and observations, slowloader.

Very helpful to me; the benefits that you report at three weeks and out sound worthwhile and wonderful. And, your approach -- of dropping targets, and just becoming self-aware, which resulted in you becoming more sensitive, powerful, calm, energetic, etc. -- sounds logical and doable.

Your experiences and keygrove's are attractive, appealing places to try to get to.