Submitted by new-balance78 on
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Now I know alot of people have varying experiences in terms of intensity of self esteem issues.

That is what I am going to post about here since it is the strongest way I have been impacted by the lack of this discipline described on here. That said it is possible that I understand it better than some with similar problems.

As a good faith gesture I am going to mention this once, for the past 10 or so years I have used pornography to varying degrees ultimately culminating in a very low sex drive and an extremelly low self esteem.

In the past I have been told I have been handsome and all this, but I can't conceptualize that I am attractive to anyone of the opposite sex. Big surprise then really that it has been difficult for me to maintain relationships for very long.

I have been struggling with this habit for almost as long as I have had it. I would say for 7 or 8 years I have been trying to stop. And before that when I just consoled myself with magazines I always threw them away. Once I started buying videos I always threw them away too, I think I bought one or two. That is the insidious thing about internet pornography, it is always there.

Yes I could use a filter but I want to quit for good once I am done I want to be done. I know there are some small ways in which some media is getting a healthier spin, but so far as I am concerned, if I ever want to put this behind me, I need to do it now. A couple years ago I made alot of progress and abstained from viewing any materials for 3 or 4 months. Since then it is an on again off again pattern, often I go for a month or so and then relapse for a few days and so on and so forth. So that is the main story.

The good news is that I have seen first hand how beautiful solo karrezza can be and the last three flings I have had that is basiclly what I was doing when we got close, but those women didn't seem to understand or appreciate my perspective, well maybe one of them did.

So there it is, I have posted on a porn recovery site for over six months and made minimal progress there. I have decided to come over here and try this instead. And do the reading. All that stuff.

When it comes to personal habits I have changed a few that are difficult but this is the most difficult of all being a person who is mostly motivated by love. So with that said I am not going to do aggressive tracking of my counts, or any sort of involved technique besides maybe adhering to a daily personal journal.

But otherwise I will just try to motivate myself on the real reason I want to quit. I fell in love once. I won't ever deserve her, I am too much of a loser, but I can do the things I need to do to get over this idea that she was "the one", and most importantly that no woman would ever want me.

And the main way I am going to do that is by licking my porn habit ( archaic slangwise), and the other way is by conserving my energy.

I think you all know what I mean by that. It is about to be winter where I live and I plan on holding on through the winter, for the first time in my adult life.

I am not sure I even want to do much sexual practice right now.

After all maybe I should be learning how to be a lover with someone who loves me, maybe I can wait.

It might help me to form a clear psychic boundary between myself and online porn, because at this point my body probably associates me touching myself with all the porn I have watched. Maybe it would be kinder to allow for a period of transition.
Just some thoughts.

Good luck

Please do not use your real name. Please split up your paragraphs if you want people to comment, so your thoughts are easier to read.

Using a filter can be helpful at first, but it sounds like you're already pretty far along in your recovery and just need a final push.

Have you watched this guy's vids? Get.heartrate.pumping

sorry

okay. I guess that should have been self obvious. everyone else, I apologize about the lengthy post. I guess I can be kind of wordy. maybe brushing up on my english basics is in order.

not a fan of solo Karezza

I think people are meant to be with other people. 

Yes you can wait. But it is far easier with a partner. I think it is so much easier. Guys without partners have it really tough. 

For me porn was very easy to quit with a partner. I quit and never looked back. And without a partner I would never have been able to do it.

I don't agree in general that it's better to go solo.

We hear guys

say both ways are best. Of course, on this site we tout the benefits of union, but if you're dealing with porn you definitely need a partner who's on board and will allow you to slow things down.

well

I have a pretty banged up nervous system on account of prescription drugs, I think it will be easy enough to wait. my libido has been so damaged by pornography use that it is starting to completely lose its appeal to me. However, the love of woman has not! :)

Greetings and salutations

I made it through a landmark stretch going without pornography that lasted 17 months. This was partly because my computer conked on me but also because I remained motivated. This was profound. Rounding up for the next stretch just now having grown and changed a lot but still realizing how retarded my relationship skills have become on account of being a "golem" net porn user. I am excited though despite having backslid a little, there so much to learn.