Broached Karezza to Our Kids

Submitted by John G. on
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On their way out the door back to college, one-on-one, I gave each of our two kids a copy of 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow.' Both were surprised, but seemed appreciative. Of course, if my wife ever finds out that I did this, I will be in the dog house for a long time (she is a good and caring person, but is private and not a believer -- just a cooperator -- in Karezza).

I look forward to chatting with the two over time on the subject. I think it is really important -- maybe the most important personal intervention there is; for me, it has been much more effective than meditation and 'positive thinking,' e.g., trying to remember to 'not get angry' -- and I think the practice will put them in a better position to have a lasting, loving marriage.

Ha ha!

Can't imagine them finding time to dig into it while at school. Besides, does anyone even read actual books in that age group? Wink

But if it leads to good discussions with them, then your bold move will be well rewarded.

you are a brave man

my kids HATE for me to talk about sex (which doesn't stop me)...when errr, push comes to shove, though, they do talk to me about it. I don't think I can discuss this with them though. Maybe I should try.

Marnia, one of my two kids is

Marnia, one of my two kids is an incredible, voracious reader whose favorite pastime is reading. Given that the topic is 'sex', there is the distinct possibility that CPA gets read by that one in one afternoon. The other does not like reading, but plows through things (both are near straight A students at an Ivy and 'public Ivy') when required. I may point that one to the YouTube video on Weor's work, 'Sex: The Secret Gate to Eden,' in a further attempt to spark interest.

But, nevertheless, the seed is planted. As I see it, that is my sole role in this at this point. I am happy to chat with them (without personal details) or point them here if the seed germinates and they have questions.

Yep, e-, my introductory remarks with my daughter were just a few sentences, given the look (of horror!) on her face: 'I think many truths are withheld from us in many areas. Sex is one of those areas. This book may become important to you later down the road as you approach marriage.' My son took took things much better -- he was surprised, but open, comfortable, and receptive -- so my remarks were much less rushed and fuller with him.

I have a third copy of CPA, earmarked for my brother-in-law, which I will deliver to him at Easter. My sister and brother merely chortle at my introduction of the topic, so I will not attempt to pass the book to them. Oh well, I tried!

They sound like

great kids. And I'm glad to hear that someone is still reading actual books. I see a particularly short-attention-spanned group on the recovery forums, and it's good to be reminded that it's just one slice of the population.

There's a saying that a prophet is never recognized in his own country. I don't know if that's true, but a prophet is certainly never recognized by his/her siblings. Biggrin

That's interesting and bold move

I don't talk with my kids about our sexual experience though they somehow know we like lying naked together. Wink They are very young and I haven't had any discussion about any sex issue with them yet.

How much open you are with your kids? What's their age? Are they aware of your practice?

l-, I have no plans of

l-, I have no plans of sharing personal details with our kids, who are college age and live thousands of miles away. They can find what they need in CPA, this website, and chance friends who practice Karezza or white Tantra. I just pretty much handed the kids the book with some introductory remarks. They probably assume that we practice Karezza, but I have not told them that.

I took this furtive tack because my wife is not onboard with Karezza; she physically cooperates, but does not participate in energy circulation, etc. She seems to be stubbornly rejecting it; it seems to serve as the whipping boy for our disagreements and spats in other areas. Since your wife in onboard with Karezza, you may be able to be direct and open with your kids. Best wishes!

That's too bad

I'm sure I don't know the answer, but here are some ramblings in case they inspire something useful.

Can you come up with a way to let her feel heard by repeating back to her what she has said so she knows you get it? Often that takes the poison out of the sting. And maybe you'll find that the "real" issue is something entirely different that you can do something about.

If she's opposed to the karezza idea, she may be orgasming on the side "to get hers," which wouldn't be productive. Better to let her go for it during intercourse and see (gradually) that it's the problem and you aren't. Maybe you can get her to agree to 3 weeks on (with conventional orgasm on her part) and 3 weeks off so she can compare.

Also, keep in mind how you would feel if she imposed something on you sexually that you hadn't signed on for. I know you're trying to be a good pilot, but when you hit a wall, you sometimes have to find another approach.

Just for fun, see what the oracle has to say. Consult the Oracle

Be careful

That's good that even your wife isn't on board with karezza, she physically cooperates you. I think she will certainly prefer karezza if she experiments what Marnia has advised and compares.You will then enjoy the best of karezza: the unification of body, mind and soul that karezza offers to its two devoted practitioners. For us, this is the best part of karezza. But, remember it always dangerous to get someone on board forcefully rather than naturally chosen by her. That's what I think personally. So be careful and caring. Best wisehes!

My kids are very young (only 10 and 7) and we don't have any plan now to have discussion with them. We personally try to be private and secretive about our karezza with our kids and it is our bedroom issue with a closed door. But you can not hide it completely from them when you have kids of these ages who like roaming and peeking here and there. They have some hints what we do but we never disclosed or talked about it even when we are questioned. But what we notice that they are gradually getting supportive to our karezza by leaving us some more private time and not interfering during. One thing I can assure that they will be interested in karezza if they get introduced in future because they are the best witnesses of the goods that karezza has brought to our family life.

Thanks, Marnia, for the

Thanks, Marnia, for the counsel; I appreciate it.

I will try the 'repeat back' technique (she is on to my defusing techniques, though!). I will consider the three weeks on conventional/three weeks off demonstration/experiment; now may be an ideal time since we have few outside social commitments during this upcoming stretch. No doubt, I do not like things forced upon me, and this -- my no longer providing her orgasm -- has been de facto forced upon her; good point.

And, I will definitely consult the Oracle later today!

Again, thank you for your counsel, oh Experienced and Wise One!

Appropriate gift

I have a female acquanitence who I think might benefit from knowing about Karezza. My problem is, where can I point her that won't seem odd or even creepy coming from someone almost twice her age who she has not asked for 'sex advice' (or any other form of advice) from?!

I think a book can be very non-threatening

Don't present it as "advice," but rather, "Wow, I read this mind-boggling book and I thought of our conversation about X. I'd be interested in your take on it. Wild idea" - or some such.

I used to pass out Taoist Secrets of Love, but now I pass out mine, because it also addresses the "woman" side of things.

Worse case, she won't read it. Unknw

Chickening out

I did buy a copy of CPA for her a while back, but so far have not found a suitable opportunity for handing it over. One problem is, we haven't had a conversation about 'X'; and I'm not sure I want to initiate it.

I was hoping I might be able to get away with emailing her a link to one of your interviews, instead. The trouble is, even that feels like it might have awkward consequences.

I did toy with the idea of slipping CPA into her bookshelves unobserved!

I've broached karezza to several people

including:
- My wife. (We've been practicing karezza for five years, at my behest; she just goes along with it.)
- My kids. (After many years of mentioning it about once a year, I think my son is finally starting to consider it seriously. Smile )
- My parents. (After I sent them Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, Mom told me "Dad is trying some of the things in that book.")
- About ten friends and acquaintances.
- One of my bosses, when I heard he was going through a divorce.

I'm not pushy and I don't say "This is something you definitely should try." Instead I usually say (in an email) something like "My marriage has been much more peaceful and pleasant since we started practicing karezza... (more explanation and testimonial details). You can find out more at reuniting.info."

If I think the person might be uncomfortable with the topic, I may say "I'm mentioning this stuff to you because I _really wish_ someone would have told me this stuff at the beginning of my marriage, or even earlier. It could have saved me a lot of conflict and unpleasantness in my marriage." I may also say, "I won't mention this again unless _you_ want to talk about it."

I've never gotten a hostile response to my messages. People either express some interest or they ignore me. My boss thanked me for the info and said we could talk about it anytime - and we did, face to face, several times!