College Students with Questions on Starting Karezza

Submitted by Maso on
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My girl friend is taking a Women’s Studies class this semester. She started telling me about stuff in the class, some of which I will admit I didn’t pay too much attention to. A few weeks ago she told me that she would like to try Karezza. I told her like yeah, whatever; I thought it was some kind of food. Then she said, “So you are totally cool with not ejaculating? That is so awesome.” I am like WTF, but she seemed so happy and excited. She said it was great that I was more open to new things. Contrary to what she sometimes thinks, I am not a Neanderthal. I am engineering major, she is a psychology major. Sometimes with us it isn’t half full, half empty; it’s two different glasses.

As some background to our relationship; we have been together since midway though our junior year of high school. The beginning of our second semester freshman year of college my girlfriend wanted to “take a break” and see other people. We were both under a lot of pressure, moving away from home, starting college and the relationship. I didn’t take well to being dumped and just started really partying. Weekends were devoted to getting wasted and hooking up. Towards the end of the semester we were both so miserable from being apart that we just started talking, no sex. We had both been with a bunch of other people during the breakup and decided that we really belong together. We grew up a great deal our freshman year. That summer we went home and each had to make up a couple classes at a local junior college. Needless to say our parents were all pretty pissed at our second semester grades. They also questioned our relationship, they knew about the breakup but not the other stuff, and we plan on keeping it that way.

Now a year later we are both absolutely committed to being together. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and she is truly my best friend. I want to make her happy in all aspects of our relationship, especially sexually. Our life is back on track with school. She gave me information on Stockham and Karezza from her class that I read over the last few weeks. I did a search and looked at this site, which is really informative. When my girl friend registered for the class I told her not to get any crazy ideas like not shaving her legs; she said not to worry that I was hairy enough for both of us. I never thought this was where the class would lead us, way beyond leg shaving or not.

Now for my questions; I don’t see a lot of college students involved in Karezza nor do we know anyone here involved in it. When I do see them on the site they are not in a relationship and have some problems. Is Karezza common for college students; is it particularly beneficial for us? There are certain logistical problems with long Karezza sessions living in separate dorms, even though there are definitely sleepovers. We my roommate’s Wednesday night class and our alone time is 2 orgasms long. Our private relationship time is where we can find it. Do you have any information or suggestions on other college Karezza relationships or anyone who is in those relationships information on how things work out? Any real benefits or problems that are specific to college students?

It seems like most of the relationships on the site, our current status included, is sort of “guy run sex”. Since Karezza is my girl friend’s idea I would like to make this experience more “girl run sex”. Any suggestions or thoughts on that would be appreciated.

Sorry if this is a little long and a bit rambling. I am normally a really chill guy; just when I am researching or studying I get pretty compulsive until I get my mind wrapped around the thing, then I kind of sort things out once I understand them fully. Just the way my mind works, no wonder I am with a psych major.

i seriously doubt it's very common

Karezza is not at all common anywhere so I doubt it's common on college campuses. You'll be pioneers.

Congratulations because you are an amazing man to be open to this and asking here. Already you are very unusual and exceptional.

Here are some of my comments. I've been on this road for about 5 months now and I'm a lot older than you are, by the way, just so you can get where I'm coming from.

1. You don't need to have long Karezza sessions. 10 or 15 minutes is pretty cool, as is an hour or longer. But no need to have really long sessions.

2. You the guy will be ready for sex pretty much all the time. That isn't quite it even. It's like making love will become an endless event somehow. There is no beginning or end. Even when you have your clothes on there can be this connection that is quite amazing.

3. This type of sex really is great in terms of your relationship because you and your woman don't suffer from the aftermath of intense orgasms and resulting fallout that you may not be aware of but that has a powerful effect -- more drama, clingy behavior, neediness, pulling away.

4. This is definitely the opposite of "guy run sex." Guy run sex is object oriented and this isn't that way at all. But I'm a guy and I vastly prefer it.

5. If you don't masturbate and don't have orgasms with your woman, and if you do a lot of cuddling and non-sexual bonding as well, you will find that over time everything in your life gets much, much better -- more success, better exercise workouts, better mental clarity, more achievement. I think this is an amazing way for a man to excel in our world and bring about an incredible masculine power that in most men is lacking and will set you apart.

6. If you start, start for 3 or 4 weeks and give it a try. In my experience you'll end up with the most amazing feelings you could ever imagine for your lover and your life.

7. It all takes work in a way. Orgasms are so difficult not to have but as you go along it gets much easier. You'll still have them but not as often and you'll feel much better without them after awhile.

I just say, hey what the hey and experiment. You do want to give it the 3 or 4 weeks but you can always have orgasms again. It's just something to try for sure.

 

I think it's awesome

I think it's awesome that she learned about karezza from a college class (gives me hope!)!

What is so fun about karezza is that it *is* driven by the woman~~and that's what makes it so good for the man. When you discover what a woman really enjoys about sex (having your penis inside her for a very long time and feeling your love come up through her from your penis), you will own the key to life, lol.

You are so fortunate to learn about this at your age...

Thanks for dropping by

Men who "get to the bottom of things" are gems in my view.

No, don't know of many college students who have spoken up on the forum. This guy blinked onto the screen for a while. He was 25 http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/studentoflove Maybe others will come to mind. (I'm the hostess here.)

BTW, there are lots more karezza posts on this site than you can easily find. Due to an upgrade, I still have to go back and recategorize them.

Karezza's a funny thing. The more consistent you are, the more you get a taste of its potential. And yet if you fret too much about the avoiding-orgasm aspect of it...it can take all the joy out of it. So if you want to give it a try, do. But be gentle with yourselves. And keep a sense of humor. It's not easy to alter a deeply ingrained pattern of any kind - even for long enough to experiment properly. You will gradually learn to tiptoe around your biology...if you choose to stay with it.

I made a different experiment in college, but it was as enlightening as your Freshman-2nd experiment. I moved in with my sweetie our junior year. Both of us saw a radical improvement in our academic performance. (He later became a doctor, I a lawyer.) So I'm a big believer in tapping the unique potential in stable relationships. Sadly, after our honeymoon neurochemistry wore off (about two years into the relationship), I found his decreased sexual interest alarming...and ended the relationship. If only I had known what I know now!

So I encourage you to experiment with an open mind. The key is to find the right balance for your relationship. And for many people, that balance is not found best through following the "how to spice things up" advice of the mainstream.

Here are some articles that suggest there's a bit more to human sexuality than we realized, in case you're interested:

The Passion Cycle

Women: Does Orgasm Give You a Hangover?

Do You Need A Chaser After Sex?

Whatever you do, enjoy yourselves. And if you feel like sharing your insights, whatever they may be, please do. In any case, we [forum members] are happy to answer your questions as best, and as honestly, as we can. BTW, our [my husband's and my] book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships explains how I wandered into this weird information, and how my husband came to join me.

 

A True Lawyer Story for You

Marnia, since you shared that you are a lawyer here is my favorite true lawyer story. My father is an attorney specializing in civil litigation. Being of Northern Italian heritage we have Sunday family dinner at least once a month at someone’s house. My father’s brother and his family live only a few blocks away so my one cousin and I were in elementary school together, usually the same classroom. We had just started Middle School and wanted to assert our independence. The school was a ways away and we wanted to ride our bicycles to school. Since I am 2 months older that she, I was elected to make the argument to my dad at a Sunday dinner and then she would have an easier time getting my aunt and uncle to go along. We also figured since I was a boy they were more likely to let me do it and if I was there then it would be ok for her to go along. We aren’t chauvinists, just Italians.

Sometimes being a lawyer’s kid is difficult. My brothers and I probably knew the basic rules of evidence when we were in elementary school, at least if we wanted to convince my dad of something. This time the dinner was at our house and it was just our family, my cousin’s family and my dad’s parents. I started the discussion during dinner, even warming my aunt up to the idea—she is always an easy touch. My dad was enjoying himself with a verbal sparring; telling me I had no basis for the argument and using a bunch of legal terms. This went on for some time and my dad suggested that I ask for a “summary judgment”. My grandmother got tired of the nonsense and said to my dad, “I’ll give you a summary judgment, quit badgering the boy with all the legal mumbo-jumbo.”

Right where I wanted them, with a somewhat smug smile on my face I turned and said, “So Grandma, what do you think about us riding our bikes to school?”

“Don’t be ridiculous it is far too dangerous. The people drive crazy off this hill and all those busy streets you would need to go down, absolutely not.” Two short sentences ended the argument. She then turned to my dad, “That’s how you give your child an answer; you don’t need to waste a bunch of time arguing about it. No wonder you lawyers all charge by the hour.”

Mean, mean grandma; obviously we never rode our bikes to school, nor did we ever bring up the subject again. My dad and I were both a little quiet for the rest of the evening. Moral to the story: Don’t cross an Italian grandmother.

Maso

First, I'd like to say that you are a lucky man to have a woman who is in touch enough with her feminine wisdom and intuition to suggest something like karezza in the first place. Second, that she is a lucky woman to have a man like you who responds to what she wants and then digs into it to find your own truth there. Sounds like you have the makings of a meaningful relationship

The concept of karezza is really just beginning to become known so its no surprise the few college students would know about it. Hardly anyone at any age is familiar with it. The other thing is that karezza and what it embodies is centered around creating harmony and meaningful sexual interaction in long term relationships. I'm generalizing here, but I observe that a lot of folks in their twenties are not thinking about building long term relationship and simply want to enjoy themselves with some good hot sex. Nothing wrong with this of course and is not the case for everyone. Obviously you have done some of this and now want more.

You ask if karezza is beneficial for college age relationships. My answer would be that its beneficial for anyone in a sexual relationship, especially for couples that want to create something long term and lasting. I have been practicing karezza for a number of years and would have absolutely loved to start at your age, knowing what I know now. If you do start now and develop a lasting relationship you will be one lucky couple. I dont think there's anything different being college age students. You may have a different set of tasks and responsibilities than I do but there's no special approach to karezza for your age group. You explore and discover as you go, same for me and my wife, we just dont have to work it around exams. We work it around other things appropriate to our lives.

You mention this site talking about karezza being more "guy lead". This is definitely not the case in the long run but sometimes in the beginning when a woman is not on board yet, the guy has to take the masculine lead. For you this is not the case and not needed. Karezza by its nature is more a feminine flow and is naturally best more "girl run". I often talk about all things sexual being the woman's domain and us men are built to serve our beautiful goddesses in this way. It sounds like you two are already setting it up to begin in this way. 

A few suggestions. Start by focusing on your part, which is to get a handle on your urge to orgasm and ejaculate. No easy task for most men. Enlist her support if needed. Since this was her idea she should be right on board with you. Be aware you may need her to stop moving momentarily or slow way down when your getting too close to the edge. This may not seem so "in the flow" in the beginning but it will pass. When I first started I would often say "stop" or put my hands on her in a "stop way" to let her know nonverbally. You may take to it right away but most of us find that it takes some time to fall into a groove with karezza. Karezza usually needs some space away from conventional sex for couples to create a new sexual language. Its a journey of sexual self discovery that is very expansive.

Give it a full shot, which means time. If you do, I think you will find it to be one of the most rewarding things you'll do in your life. I wish you the best. Use this community for support as you go, its a valuable resource.