Days 8-14 of hangover recovery

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A recap: Some observations about the 2 week "reset" after the last orgasm with wife. I realize that by forcing myself to look clearly at everything during the course of the coming days, I will affect the observations. Because I KNOW there are symptoms, I will see them, hopefully without distorting them.

See here for first 7 days.

O+8 Fri 
 
Had an emotional evening...wife is struggling with this whole thing. Change in this area is hard, and I kind of dropped a bomb on her. Felt generally OK except started to struggle with fear that this would all fall apart (I guess that means I would fall all apart). Again, cycling a bit emotionally.
 
O+9 Sat 
 
Noticed a pain in my lower right side, around my kidney.  Figured out is was muscular.  I have had persistent muscular issues in my lower back (keeping things too tight mostly), and I suddenly noticed that I was relaxing.  The pain I had was not something tightening up, but loosening! 

A lot of tenseness in my body is starting to release.
 
O+10 Sun 
 
Not sure what to make of today….emotional, a little "off", guilt, unsure about whether I can make this whole thing work.  Negative thoughts: What is wife thinking?  Is she enjoying her "holiday" and doesn’t look forward/need more physical contact?   All the perception concerns that start to interfere with feeling good about your spouse.
 
Not really super down, just a little negative and feeling unsure of everything. 
 
O+11 Mon 

Felt pretty good, pretty even, no super high or super low, no feelings of hopelessness, etc. Nothing much to report.
 
 
O+12 Tue 

Struggled with feeling REALLY physically needy, to the point where I was reaching out in a needy way to my wife. Had some fallout here, mostly around the fact that I wasn't really in control and during some physical contact she could tell I was being needy and got all tense. What was interesting is how she said that while she was sure I wasn't going to "escalate" to sex, the experience did "escalate" in a negative way.
 
O+13 Wed 

After sorting out the previous day, felt pretty good although a emotionally spent. Been a lot of high emotions in recent days. However, I felt in control of myself at this point (unlike day before).
 

O+14 Thu 

Nothing to report, felt ok, positive outlook, etc. Will note that my appetite is still WAY down and I have lost 7 lbs (note that most of that has to be water weight....I stopped snacking late and sugary/fatty things just don't hold the attraction they did).

SUMMARY

Well, it has been interesting. I feel much better about a lot of things, including myself. It was a little disturbing how out of control I felt in the first 7 days, and how I got jumped on Tuesday last week with what seemed like one last ditch effort of biology to screw me up. Time will tell....I will be very curious to see if those odd days of insecurity pop back up again, in which case it's just my insecurity rearing its head. Obviously we all have days we feel down, etc, but this one was stronger and somewhat out of my hands.

Was it worth it? YES. I have to assume that some people will be affected more than others, so your mileage may vary, but it is a worthy experiment. If I were to try and tell anyone what to expect, I would say to beware of the strength of the feelings that your biology can induce in you...don't give in to what seems like the strongest drive to do something you have ever felt, because it will change.

Patience

What is next?

Patience...lots of it.

When I started this, it was very unilateral. For my own reasons at that moment, I needed to see this for myself. I really did nothing to prepare my wife for this. I had figured that she would possibly relax a bit if I took sex off the table, but that wasn't what really happened.

She was kind of freaked out a bit last week. The whole thing was extremely stressful for her and she still doesn't understand where this is going. When I tried to start a discussion, it didn't end well. I put together a number of articles from the website into a little epub that she can read on her reader, but she has not touched it yet.

While I didn't go into great detail on karezza when I decided to try this, I dropped some of the science (which she understands to a great extent) and made sure to state that the two weeks was MY experiment, not hers, that I would like to talk about it in depth at the end of my experiment and we decide together what happens next. The strength of her negative emotional reaction surprised me.

We have never been very good about talking about sex, but we had reached a kind of "known" territory where we understood the rules of engagement, but obviously were not talking much about it because I had started to have doubts but had not voiced them....partly because I was worried about the reaction I would get. I suppose that right there might indicate that I should NOT have been surprised at her response.

At this point, I am being patient. I have told her that I would like to talk about it, but that she can take all the time she needs and that I will not push her. I have asked that she read the material I have given her and then give me a chance to explain my thought process that led me to this.

In the meantime, I am trying to giving, loving and not demanding physically or otherwise. I guess I am trying to establish that maybe she could trust me when I say that sex is off the table and that I have no "goal" right now with physical contact. She is making physical contact each day, but I can kind of sense that she is a little reserved (and frankly, I can't blame her).

I know that what I am doing is stressful for her...heck it is stressful for me. I probably could have handled it better on the front end, but here is where I am at.

Gee, I'm sorry

Let's hope that when you do talk, it leads to a breakthrough.

She's probably assuming you found her inadequate in some way - because women are taught to believe that there's only one measure of attractiveness: bodice ripping passion. Wink Going for sustainable mutual magnetism through a "warm" approach seems weird. Although, if she's willing to read a few chapters of my book, she'll probably grock it in a heartbeat.

Just do what you can to make it clear that this is not about inadequacy; it's about experimenting with an ancient idea and then making a decision about what would work best for both of you.

Good luck.