Well, I'm a 22 year old male. Ive always had issues with myself, and with puberty came a fresh onslaught of crap. I still dont have reasonable facial hair, while my peers are all hairy bastards; i have a bent penis, which for some time i thought was because of peyronies; and i have man boobs. so, all in all, not a great teenage experience, what with high school and college. I have a fetish as well, and am turned on only by that. And for the past couple of weeks, Ive had a new problem. Im worried about being gay.
when i say worried about being gay, I dont mean I'm attracted to guys. Its like my mind goes "haha, you;re gay" and "gay, gay, gay, gay.. penis, penis, penis" all the time. It just doesnt stop. all the time thoughts pop up into my head like 'what if i was gay' and 'would i do it with him', and another part of my mind would be"what? no. thats gross". its basically like a war is raging in my head. or when i see some picture of a guy,immediately my mind is 'ur gay' and then i have to look at the picture for some time to make sure im nto aroused. one time i gave up and decided to try out gay porn. I was both grossed out and fascinated, but not at all aroused. It was like that scene in clerks 2, where they see the guy blowing the donkey, and are grossed out, but cant look away. after a couple of minutes it got too weird, and i shut it off.(but i never really cared for normal porn either, i usually jacked off to my particular fetish videos, which were not homoerotic in any way as far as i know.) Ive had a girlfriend in college, which broke off a few months back. we didnt get to have sex, but did other stuff, and i really enjoyed it. but this whole thing right now is screwing my mind up, i cant sleep, i cant think, i cant be peaceful for a few minutes before some unwanted thought popping up into my head. And in addition to that, now I'm worried if I am TURNING gay BECAUSE of this. All these thoughts and all. And im worried even if this is just HOCD, theres no way to be sure, and one encounter with a gay dude is enough to turn me completely to the other side.. I dont know, Im just confused and screwed up. I really dont want to be gay, not because of society and shit, its just weird. Im not/wasnt homophobic, and didnt think any less of any gay man. It just wasnt my cup of tea.