Ejaculatory Anhedonia and a newbie

Submitted by johnny on
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Apologise in advance for such a long first post, but I felt before I begin my journey with this an outline of my situation would be helpful. I am little embarrassed about sharing, but felt it was necessary. Forgive me if this is too detailed I will happily remove or edit it if needs be.

I am happily married with 2 children and have always had a very good sex life with my wife. We happily discuss each others needs and are both very communicative during sex. Our goals were and I guess still are the aim of enjoying each other with the end goal of an orgasm for both parties.

A change to this was forced up on me around 6 years ago. After having my vasectomy I lost the ability to orgasm. I can still ejaculate, I still get all the desires and have very healthy erections. It is just that I get a lesser amount of the build up to ejaculation and then no orgasm sensation at all.

This was very difficult for me and I searched for solutions for my ‘ejaculatory anhedonia’ for a long time, over the past year or so I have become less transfixed with fixing this and become more keen to learning to live with it. My wife is great and from her point of view she notices no difference, from my side of things I have become more keen on enjoying the actual sex rather than achieving an orgasm. I still like to ejaculate it still has that same sense of need to happen that it always did. I have become a more visual person during sex and this is a lot of fun.

So after searching around I found my way here and this seems to be something I can develop into a sexual technique that may help change my focus further.

I do have questions though.

Last night my wife and I had sex with the goal of not having orgasms or in my case ejaculation. We had great sex and then stopped at an appropriate morning. This can feel a bit sudden and we both had a bit of a ‘now what?’ moment. I was wondering how people dealt with that?

We actually lay still snuggly for a moment, but I still had so much desire to finish we went back at it for another session! Then when we were done again, my wife gently stroked my penis as I fell asleep.

I awoke this morning very excited and we had early morning sex again which was fantastic. I have been out at work all day and feel really good although I still have a constant desire to ‘finish’ with ejaculation. I am easily aroused and I liken the whole experience to the time when I was first dating my wife and we were not yet having sex, but were making out quite a lot and I was very aroused without being able to have sex with her.

I feel like my genitals are aching today and I am holding back, I am hoping this is normal? But it feels a little uncomfortable and I wondered if there are health risks here?

It isn’t painful, but a slight feeling like something needs to come out almost a little bit like I need to pee I guess hehe.

On a side note I suffer from anxiety and today is the first time in a long while that I am not anxious! I wonder if the hormone levels are helping with this!

Anyway, again apologies if this is too detail I am not sure on the etiquette, but I wanted to share and I was hoping to give this a shot!

Johnny

Welcome

This is a laboratory and everyone's "findings" are welcome. I'm not sure any of us knows the answers to your questions.

I can certainly suggest some help for the discomfort of blue balls: Help for blue balls

I'd say you're going through a natural adjustment period. You're going to feel extra "horny" or "needy" for a bit. But if you stay with this practice, that should level out, leaving you with the benefits of heightened responsiveness without any physical discomfort.

Try less vigorous motion and periods of stillness during your lovemaking. It might make the transition easier. It also helps you realize that you can just drift into a quiet space as a way to end, when you're ready to stop the "waves" of arousal.

You might like these items: Tantric Sex For Men.RICHARDSON

Lovers' Ultimate Sex Hack: Karezza | Reuniting

 

welcome

it's great that your sexual equipment lets you have sex, good erections and ejaculations, if not orgasms. Lucky guy!

It's a wonderful way to live, without orgasms or ejaculations. After awhile you get very sensitive and feel a lot more than you used to, in my experience. And you feel a wonderful connection to your wife. And you are always ready for more action.

So when do you stop? When you need to get stuff done, or she wants to move on with her day. I would stay engaged for hours if I could, but she is usually the one who has stuff to do so we end it.

But it's like life is one continual sexual time right now, it's wonderful.

And, the congested feeling...focus on directing your attention to your balls, your pelvic floor, and keep the msucles relaxed. Slow down and don't let yourself go too far to the edge. 

Putting cold water on your balls can help when you first start out. You can turn the shower on and stick your dick under the shower, honestly, it works. Or dunk your balls in cold water. 

But after a little practice relaxing you won't need any of that anymore.

It's all about keeping things hot but not too hot, or cool and not too warm, wherever you as a couple settle in. It's a zone and depends upon each couple.

We tend to have it on the hotter side and other couples spend a lot of time "plugged in". It will evolve. It will be wonderful. 

Thank you

I have taken some of the 'blue ball' advice, the best tactic so far is the shower on cold directly on to that area :D

We are already feeling incredibly close with this method and see the benefits.

What are thoughts on not ejaculating for a long time. Does it force a permanent state of this? Can I decide in the future I want to go back to 'normal' sex and then it won't have stopped the ability for this to happen.

I'm just curious after having a problem caused by a procedure it makes me wary of anything new.

Thanks

Why not ask your doctor

what s/he would recommend in terms of frequency? I've heard guys report their doctors say there's no need to ejaculate, and others report their doctors had recommendations.

In any case, it seems to be common experience that even the most devoted karezza practitioners sometimes orgasm inadvertently. Also, keep in mind that your body can trigger a wet dream if it thinks you really need to ejaculate for some reason. So you're unlikely to "forget how."

Yes, I remember that first

Yes, I remember that first time when I didnt ejaculate and had the thought, "soooo when is this over". It was a wonderful moment because I realized a whole new world of potential was opening up and sex could become something new, something tranformative, and experience where my ejaculation didnt signal the end. How did we deal with it? I suppose we just let it unfold and go where the feeling took us. It was like finding a new room in your house you didnt know was there with all sorts of stuff in it you never saw before. Couldnt wait to go back and discover more, get to know what I didnt notice last time.

I wouldnt sweat the genital ache, it will pass, and you've gotten some basic advise that works pretty well. I like to think of it as being used to running 10 amp through your circuits and all of a sudden your pushing 20 amp. It takes a little time for the body to get used to the increased energy.

I love the feeling of not being able to get enough of my woman. I like to say " I can never get enough of you, while being completely satisfied at the same time.

Enjoy the ride Johnny, its a very sweet journey.