[February 7th, 2012, Day 14] It's about giving the finger to everything that doesn't matter

Submitted by Coltrane on
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Two Weeks. Tomorrow morning will mark the longest I have ever gone without PMO in my life. And the journey is just beginning.

Aside from the broody/hormonal moods that have been affecting me since Sunday, a few other withdrawal symptoms have sprung up. I feel tired all the time, and my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. I don't really feel "present" in life right now. My penis still looks and feels dead; haven't been able to get much of a reaction out of it. Doesn't help that it's freezing cold outside.

However, little rays of light are bursting through the dark clouds. I don't know if this has anything to do with eliminating PMO, but I feel that my memory has improved. I retained so much information when I was studying for a history test over the weekend, it was a good feeling to sit down and know almost every single term and date. Also, and this may not be related at all of course, but I've caught the eye of a few girls around campus on the way to class. This really pretty blond flashed me a full smile when I passed her, but I could have had something on my face...

I should also add, that I feel my confidence slowly returning to me. Walking around campus, I pass average Joes and Janes who have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. Every day I'm fighting a PMO addiction that once controlled my life. Every day, though I may feel like crap, I'm becoming a tiny bit stronger. I'm training my mind, body, and soul in secret.

The title of this particular blog entry is a summary of my outlook for this entire recovery process. It's a fine time I stopped worrying about what people think about me and focus on bettering myself. Selfishness is justified when its in the pursuit of self-improvement. Fuck what people say about you, or how they may judge you. You don't have time to worry about the trivial stuff. Quit procrastinating, stop spending all of your time on facebook, and go read a book instead. Spend your time planning the downfall of your enemies instead of wasting away in front of the TV. (P. Diddy summarizes these ideas pretty well in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81UZgJAkRik)

But, once again, this is only week 2. There are many more mountains to climb on the horizon.

Comments

Really inspiring post form

Really inspiring post form you Coltrane. I like what Diddy says. It's street, but it's strangely profound. I too have felt massive memory improvements during the course of my reboot. I feel like I'm mentally swtiched on and present for the first time in my life. I now have an attention span. I feel like for the previous 10 years I couldn't focus on anything and I couldn't remember anything. It was as if PMO was some kind of security blanket, a way of hiding from the real issues that were not having a career and not having the confidence to talk to women. Now after 100+ days it feels like that was a lifetime ago and that I am now moving forward at a decent pace and becoming the man that I am capable of.

You will experience these things to. I like the way you say that you need to ignore what other people think and just get on with your own stuff. Fuck 'em. You have more important things to deal with.

Just keep at it, set yourself the medium term goal of getting to triple figures, and take it one day and then one week at a time.

As you allude to, successful people have no time for trivial bullshit. I have a Facebook profile but I never log into it. I have never even been to the Twitter website. I do everything by email because email is substance over style. I see it as a tool, not a pointless distraction.

Be proud of what you are doing and be proud of how strong and clean you are becoming. You are developing a healthy mind and putting sex into proper perspective. It is part of your life, not the only thing in your life.

Hat's off to you man. Keep going. You'll be in March before you know it and everything will get better still.

What he said

It takes time to stabilize the gains. And bad days will be around for a while. "Cotton-head" and "dead dick" will pass. It's important to stay focused on the benefits, even though they may not feel rock solid at first.

Good for you!