Two Weeks. Tomorrow morning will mark the longest I have ever gone without PMO in my life. And the journey is just beginning.
Aside from the broody/hormonal moods that have been affecting me since Sunday, a few other withdrawal symptoms have sprung up. I feel tired all the time, and my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. I don't really feel "present" in life right now. My penis still looks and feels dead; haven't been able to get much of a reaction out of it. Doesn't help that it's freezing cold outside.
However, little rays of light are bursting through the dark clouds. I don't know if this has anything to do with eliminating PMO, but I feel that my memory has improved. I retained so much information when I was studying for a history test over the weekend, it was a good feeling to sit down and know almost every single term and date. Also, and this may not be related at all of course, but I've caught the eye of a few girls around campus on the way to class. This really pretty blond flashed me a full smile when I passed her, but I could have had something on my face...
I should also add, that I feel my confidence slowly returning to me. Walking around campus, I pass average Joes and Janes who have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. Every day I'm fighting a PMO addiction that once controlled my life. Every day, though I may feel like crap, I'm becoming a tiny bit stronger. I'm training my mind, body, and soul in secret.
The title of this particular blog entry is a summary of my outlook for this entire recovery process. It's a fine time I stopped worrying about what people think about me and focus on bettering myself. Selfishness is justified when its in the pursuit of self-improvement. Fuck what people say about you, or how they may judge you. You don't have time to worry about the trivial stuff. Quit procrastinating, stop spending all of your time on facebook, and go read a book instead. Spend your time planning the downfall of your enemies instead of wasting away in front of the TV. (P. Diddy summarizes these ideas pretty well in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81UZgJAkRik)
But, once again, this is only week 2. There are many more mountains to climb on the horizon.