Feeling tired, drained after Karezza??

Submitted by Daniel S. on
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Dear Karezza friends,

My partner and I are continuing to experiment with Karezza. My experience thus far has been to feel almost invariably more tired after Karezza than before I began. I attributed this to there being too much sexual excitement (fire) too much of the time in spite of our intention to practice Karezza.

Now we have been doing much "better" from the point of view of excitement. Most of our encounter is simply beautiful, with very warm, tender feelings, and moments of "excitement" are the exception - rather than moments of fire, it is more like continuous glowing embers. Recently, I have been "glowing embers" the whole time and never "fire"; at times she is "fire", somewhat strongly so for a time, then we slow down until this fire has gone down to an ember again. So from this point of view, it seems to me we are practicing Karezza "rightly" - since from what I have read, it is normal for "fire" to flame up at times, involuntarily, at which point both lovers simply slow down, take deep breaths, etc., until the excitement has gone down and the energy becomes more gentle again.

I have an erection the whole time. (But the feeling of awoken sexual energy is very gentle, if continuous and strong). I use a condom. After insertion, we do very little motion, remaining still for most of the time, and continuing to caress, cuddle, touch, and kiss throughout.

So while at the beginning of our "attempts" it seemed to me that we were doing things very imperfectly, I now feel this is no longer the case.

The experience is really beautiful and deeply loving and tender.

But what utterly puzzles me is that I feel tired and drained afterward. Not tired and drained like after an ejaculation, which feels disastrous for my body, mind, and emotions for a long time after. So not comparable to an ejaculation, but still very clearly and noticeably tired and drained. Before our last encounter, I was feeling very good energetically; after this very beautiful encounter, I feel drained, sapped of vitality. And I am more irritable. In addition, where there was a palpable loving energy between us during the day before the sexual encounter, this loving energy is hardly noticeable afterward, maybe simply due to my feeling drained.

My partner feels OK. She said after the last time that she felt refreshed afterward.

This is very strange and upsetting to me because from everything I have read about Karezza, Karezza, in contrast to ordinary sex, REGENERATES, REJUVENATES, ENERGIZES, and HEALS.

For me, the opposite has invariably been happening.

I am pretty sensitive to energy: my own energetic state and the energy between us. I have been noticing that I start feeling a draining of energy after insertion (penetration), during the time I am inside her. As I mentioned, most of the time we are simply still in this area, with very little, only occasional motion.

I understand that during the sexual encounter, the man is essentially in a giving role and the woman in a receiving role.

But from everything I have read, Karezza is supposed to be wonderfully energizing for both partners.

As I mentioned, this is very upsetting to me.

What is happening? Has anyone else had this experience? Could we be doing something wrong?

I would be really grateful for any help.

Thank you!


Thank you, Taoman and Marnia for your replies. Taoman, this sounds like a very interesting line of reflection. Could you explain further what is happening here with the wearing of a condom? I would like to understand the energetic process.
Marnia: we engage in very many bonding behaviors and very frequently during the day. We feel wonderful and connected during and afterward.


Marnia: no, it's very defnitely not relaxation, but tiredness, fatigue, feeling drained of energy. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally weaker afterward. Less vitality. More irritable.

I've noticed feeling sleepy after karezza, sometimes.

It hasn't bothered me enough that I've tried to investigate and do something about it.

It might be due to not getting enough sleep recently. I think it also happens more after longer karezza sessions, like 20 minutes or more. You might try shorter sessions, like 5 or 10 minutes, and see if you feel better that way.

This happens to me

When I allow myself to get too over excited during karezza. My feelings for my partner diminish. It's the same as an orgasm effect. Sometimes doesn't last as long afterwards. But it can last for days. 

Karezza Clears Stored/Stuck Emotional Energies

When we first start doing Karezza we found that there is a lifetime of energies stored in the pelvic area that needs to be healed and released. When it is released it is in the form of emotions bubbling up that usually show up as negative "symptoms". Such as exhaustion, irritability etc. The body wants us to go into self-care mode and get the rest we need so that we can heal from all of this emotional energy that is being released, that we have been carrying around for so long. Diana Richardson talks about this in the movie Slow Sex and in her books. Healing can be terribly inconvenient but in Natural Hygiene they call this "right suffering." In other words, suffering that is purposeful and useful to regain wholeness.

It took my husband and I about a year before the "pain" part of this healing finally started to really balance out. Of course, that depends on your age. We are both almost fifty so that is a long time to hold on to this inner junk.

Also, we found that any stimulants that we still thought we "needed" were getting in the way. We found that alcohol, pot, and coffee (now even meat & dairy) were sure fire ways to inhibit our progression of this healing. So sometimes the "symptoms" that we feel can be associated with whatever habits we are engaging in outside the bedroom too.

Of course, taking it very cool is a great idea through these first stages and beyond too is wonderful. That ensures you that you are truly doing the healing that the body needs. The beauty will only get better and better and your connections will too!

condoms slow or prevent the flow

Of female yin energy into you and male yang energy out of you. So you will have a buildup of yang energy in your pelvis which needs to be circulated up your spine to your head and down your chest to your Hara or center. This process is called circulating energy in your microcosmic orbit. The energy is transformed from sexual energy to chi or life energy. Cultivating Male Sexuality by mantak chia is available free online.

This is very interesting food for thought

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies! This is really helpful.

CuriousFellow: the last session (the one I talked about in my first message) was relatively long, and it was the second on the same day. I had also just woken from a nap since I had not gotten enough sleep the previous night.

Emerson: this is super interesting. So it is not a black and white thing, but there can be various shades of gray, according to the level of excitement. It is so helpful to read of your experience. It will allow me to be attentive to this aspect in the future.

Punkz4Peace: Wow! This is really amazing. It hadn't occurred to me at all. I rememeber reading this about Karezza in the past, but I forgot about it and didn't make the connection. I really hope this is what is happening. At the same time, it does feel to me like there is some loss of what the Chinese call jing, the sexual essence - like a milder version of what I feel after an ejaculation.

Taoman: thanks for the further clarification. I looked and found a line about this in one of Mantak Chia's books. My feeling is that I have lost some jing. If the condom is slowing or preventing the flow of yin energy into me and yang energy out of me, I don't quite understand why I would have this feeling of loss of jing, like a milder version of my symptoms after ejaculation. Can you help me here? I have been looking into this condom issue. Mantak Chia and some other reliable-sounding writers say that condoms slow or prevent the energy flow. Some other writers, like Diane Richardson, say they don't, including at least one person writing from personal experience (his feeling, in any case). Some people say they feel that natural lambskin condoms allow the energy to flow better. So these have been my lines of investigation up to the moment. I am aware of Chia's books; I eventually came to the conclusion that it is best to learn the techniques from a qualified teacher and that it could be risky learning them on my own from a book. It seemed to me that it is OK to learn simple techniques, without risks or possible side effects if they are done slightly wrong, from books, but I thought the Chia techniques were very powerful and that the risks could be too great if I tried practicing them and got a few details wrong. What are your thoughts/experience on this?

One of the reasons Karezza appealed to me and I chose to practice it instead of the different Chinese or Tantra techniques is because it seems simple, natural, easy to learn, with no technique and no risks - something about this seemed intuitively right and beautiful to me. But I am still very interested in the Taoist teachings on sex, and might be inspired to try one or two of the techniques if they are simple, solid, and with no risk of negative side effects for a beginner, without a teacher, and who might not practice them perfectly.

Experience since last week

Hello everyone,

I want to share my experience since I wrote last week. We have since started using a different brand of condom (we had previously always used the Durex brand) and I am no longer experiencing the tiredness I wrote about. This has been a very remarkable thing, after months of such unpleasant, debilitating symptoms.

But the most amazing experience was what happened when we, in a totally unplanned way (we were out of condoms), made love without a condom. This was a completely different world - unbelievable! I had been reading about all the beautiful experiences of people who practice Karezza and had been frustrated for a long time since I had not been experiencing any of these. And during and after making love without a condom, there was a sudden click - this is it! It was so indescribably deep and sacred. It was obvious that completely different things were happening from an energetic point of view. To say we felt connected afterward would be an understatement. This palpable, beautiful, sacred energy was so strongly present. It was magical! The difference between with a condom and without a condom was like day and night. Now I can understand all these beautiful things that Karezza practitioners have been writing about, which I had not experienced until then.

Since we do not want to take the risk (and do not wish to use birth control pills), we will probably not be making love without a condom again. (As I mentioned, it was completely unplanned and unexpected). But for me it is now clear - what Mantak Chia, von Urban, and other writers have said about condoms interfering with the energy exchange is quite undoubtedly true.

We are going to order lambskin condoms (it seems there is only one brand available?) and try these.

I would like to post part of this message again as a separate thread on Karezza and condoms, if I may.

Thanks again to everyone for your advice, sharing, and ideas! I really appreciate it.