To be brief, I'm a 19 year old lad currently studying. I'm a nice guy who got exposed to the wrong thing is how I'm seeing things. Basically, PMO is all I know, an internet age kid who started about 13....and the stuff just got kinkier and kinkier. In everyday life I'm a cool down to Earth guy I'd like to think, I'm into sports, friends etc. I'm one of three brothers and none of us has ever had a girlfriend, it's kind of unknown territory in our house though I'd like to think if I ever met someone amazing who I felt was meant for me that it wouldn't be awkward. My mum's kind of creepy like that too, it's as if she knows we'll have girlfriends one day, but she's just awkward, anyway I can't really explain it plus I'm going off topic.
I'm confused at the moment as I know porn isn't because I'm a bad person, it just got into the hands of a nice guy, hopefully with a strong enough will to get rid of it. I've experimented briefly with no P before but relapsed after 4 or 5 days, but the London Olympics really inspired me, like seriously, seriously inspired me. Since then it hasn't even been a challenge....I'm on day 8 which feels good. Sometimes in the evenings I'll have a really weird sense of being lost as if I should be doing something else - that is watching porn. It's a problem.
Anyway the reason I'm so confused in essence stems from what I've found on this sites about the benefits of no MO. I thought it was one of the most natural things in the world....isn't it unhealthy not to masturbate? The only reason I could consider it worthwhile would be for rebooting reasons. Anyway, say you had a girlfriend and had sex a few times a week, wouldn't that have the same physical effects as masturbating, if not emotional?
Ultimately I think this PMO stuff has taken a toll on my life, it is effecting me and I want out. I'm a nice guy and I want to go back to the nice guy I have been but with the feelings I had before I discovered porn at puberty, of complete pure sexuality and with pure, perfect ideas of women. I'm currently on 8 days no P and 3 days no MO. I'm adding to a tally at the end of each day as it makes me feel good, though time is passing deathly slowly. I just want to be months free now. After a couple of months if I had stayed clean I'd stop tallying as I'd want to feel as though each day was a new day, rather than "how long's it been today!" Normally my drive comes back roaring on day 3, though I can't get it up with my hand, it's got that bad. Only laying on my front on the mattress in front of porn does the job. I need to be hard on myself in order to reboot.
I appreciate all the help I can get at the moment, I need it more than you can know. I'm 19 and I just want this PMO larky to stop here as a teen.
p.s. Say you abstained from PMO for 70 days, managed to reboot yourself, wouldn't you go back to masturbating healthily say once a week as is healthy to do so or am I missing the point? I thought everyone masturbated.....why would something natural be self-damaging? Eating doesn't do the same?