Getting out of my head?

Submitted by EvergreenAshes on
Printer-friendly version

Hello all! My partner and I are very new to Karezza and are enjoying it very much. He's a recovering porn addict and uniting like this has gone a long way towards helping me heal from the feelings of betrayl and worthlessness. I thought he would balk at the idea, but he really has taken to it! Better than me, I think, lol. I'm finding it difficult to open up. I start having these intrusive thoughts, like he's going to get bored or even that I better not get used to this because he's just want to go back to normal sex like everyone else. I've also done a lot of reading about karezza so I almost can't help but think "Ok now I have to open my vagina more...now try to send energy from my breasts....oh he's not relaxing, aren't we supposed to relax completely?...I'm not feeling anything in my chest...aren't I supposed to?"

It takes nearly 15-20 mins for me to start getting in the zone and leaving those thoughts behind. Is this normal? How do I get out of my own head and just enjoy the attention without feeling like he isn't sincere or feeling resistance to being vulnerable?

good question

I also look forward to others' replies, as this was my m.o. with traditional sex for decades, with any and all sexual experiences with others. I am currently not in a relationship, but wonder how karezza will work when a new partner comes into my life, given that I am also so prone to such left-brained beingness.

It does sound to me like your guy is certainly willing committed to this style, though.

Glad you asked.

Shannon

Good question

I think it does take a bit of time to get into the zone. That said, maybe it's like any other meditation-type practice...the more you learn to quiet your mind (here, by focusing on what you're feeling in your breasts and vagina), the less mental chatter you have to put up with. Smile

Some women find Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson very helpful in this regard.

Welcome! We look forward to hearing more. It's great that your husband is willing to experiment.

Thank you!

Thanks, Marnia. You're right, of course. I just have to sweep those thoughts away. I haven't read that book, but I've seen a couple videos by Diana Richardson. I just love her. What a sweet soul. I'll definitely check it out :) I hope it can answer some of my questions, particularly about why I feel so hollow in my body. Just sort of numb, like I'm in my head, and I can feel stuff during sex, and that's it. I don't know if that makes sense.

After the second time of us trying karezza, I felt really whole and alive. Like I could feel the inside of my foot, lol. That's why I started wondering if there had been something wrong with that inner numbness, and I began to question everything.

here's what I do

I am male. I love this life. I love being inside my woman for a long time. 

What I do is focus on my sensations. I focus on relaxing my root, and focus my attention there.

That's it.

I notice thoughts appearing, thoughts about anything, really. And I gently bring my attention back to my root.

This is how I've been doing it and it's great.

I think your guy there is very lucky. And don't worry, he's getting a lot out of it. And he'll take to it more readily if you can feel those sensations in your own vagina and breasts and not try to be in any way focused on him. Weird but true. The more you focus on your own sensations the better it is for the man.