Healthy Masturbation after Reboot

Submitted by DCWB on
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I haven't posted here in over a year... It took me a long time to get where I am now. I discovered YBOP in Feb 2011 and it took a year of on-and-off success. In Feb 2012 it clicked. I went ~40 days PMO free til my first relapse... that relapse was a one time thing and it was 81 days ago.

I haven't given my penis so much as a single stroke, I haven't looked any porn, I haven't looked at any non-porn as porn, and my fantasizing has been very minimal. I haven't even had many full erections, even though I'm horny... I just know how to stop it now.

I feel rebooted, as I can get aroused at almost anything, and it's nice.

I'm a virgin, and I'm 24, and it really messes with my confidence. The reason I got into rebooting in the first place was to be ready to lose my virginity, and be hornier and more inspired. I have been really trying to ramp up my pursual of women, but nothing has happened yet. I'm quite hard on myself about it. It's a subject for another forum, but basically I've been investing my entire identity in getting laid, and it's left me feeling crappy.

I had thought that I never wanted to masturbate anymore, only real sex, from here on out, but I'm realizing it's something of a self-punishment. Not masturbating has been something of a self-punishment, as in "you don't deserve that until you go find a real woman."

I have realized I need to work on unconditional self-acceptance, so I'm thinking after I hit 90 days, I'm going to start some healthy moderate masturbation. No porn, ever again, and I am going to stay away from any type of visual stimulus, and hopefully keep fantasy to a minimal and focus on sensations. It's going to be once a week, at first at least, and I'm going to hold myself as accountable to that as I've have been for the past 81 days.

No hands... ever again... I'm going to get a fleshlight, so as to avoid squeezing too hard with my hands. I'm going to practice... I'm going to thrust it with my pelvis, from different positions, and I'm going to focus on learning to last longer, which will hopefully give me some sexual confidence! I know, it's funny that in a few days I have gone from an anti-masturbation nazi to a guy who's shopping around for a fleshlight :)

Lastly, there will be no more shame, no more beating myself up. I'm not religious and I'm quite socially liberal, so I never had that kind of shame about masturbation or porn. But since finding YBOP, I have had shame about my lack of self control, and how masturbation is counterproductive to my goals. During that year of on-and-off success, every orgasm ended with disappointment in myself.

But I certainly don't want to fall into my old habits... porn, and masturbation every single day. Has anyone gone back to masturbation after reboot? Can you share your wisdom, your stories, your warnings?

I want to thank everyone here for this crazy journey the past year and a half... I'm definitely a better man for it.

don't worry about it

YBOP in no way caused shame.... matter of fact, shame might be the wrong word.... i just have a tendency to expect a lot from myself, and be too hard on myself at times. YBOP is awesome, and changing the world. :)

Here's an FAQ

on healthy masturbation: Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?

Congratulations on all your hard work.

Maybe if you go at the challenge from the perspective of trying to get to know a woman you like better it would be better than just trying to get laid. Just saying.... Orgasm feels good, but connecting closely with another human - with or without orgasm - is also a really good feeling. Maybe stay open to both.

thank you

my chosen terminology 'getting laid' might have been a bit crude, but i most definitely want to connect with other human beings :)

i overthink things, give myself anxiety, so on and so fourth. but like i said, i'm trying to cut myself some slack and stop being so hard on myself.

Good idea

Believe me, had I been a man...I have no reason to believe I would have escaped the lure of Internet porn. Wink It's best just to think of it as a trick your brain played on you in a new, sex-cue flooded environment never before seen in mankind's evolution.

Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am 38 , i have completed a 90 days reboot. I had 3 masturbations in the past days but i really want to avoid to come back to my old habits. So i'm thinking about following your ideas about healthy masturbation.

Congratulationsd on your progress

Have you seen any benefits from giving up porn? It definitely seems to be internet porn that causes havoc in most men who develop problems.

You might find some useful tips here: How do I masturbate without porn? | Your Brain On Porn

FYI, this is no longer a porn recovery forum, although you are welcome here.

If you need a support forum, we recommend RebootNation or NoFap.COM (not on Reddit).