Heavy Withdrawal

Submitted by New Life on
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Hi guys, I havent written on here for about 5 years now, which is really surreal. The last time I wrote on this was when I had hit rock bottom and I had nothing left. My masturbation addiction had literally taken everything from me and I was left to pick up the pieces of a broken life had just nothing but hate.
Since then, I have managed to fight hard against my addiction. For everyone who is recovering, they all know its a life long battle. I have managed to have some real breakthroughs, with periods of upto 6 months without masturbating.
I am in my final year at uni and I always said to myself that by the time I leave uni my biggest accomplishment will be to stop masturbating.
So the final year started in October, and I was doing so well, until it came to beginning of January, where I masturbated once. I was so upset and refused to go into the usual binge which has always happened. I said to myself that this was a small blip in the long road and that I will just move on an pretend it didnt happen as I was doing so well.
Unfortunately things have not been the same since. Whilst I have not masturbated since, I am in a real depression that hasnt gone away like it usually does. The withdrawal symptoms are still there and I feel like the tug of masturbation has never been stronger. I am really sturggling to not masturbate and I really dont know how long I can hold out for. Every since I masturbated in January, I feel like everything is falling to pieces. Things are going wrong, my social skills have fallen (which I had spent so long building), I am getting ill more often. I just cant get out of this negative frame of my. The only thing thats telling me that will stop all this is masturbating again, as its the only solution to all this pain!!
I really need help, I feel so alone and helpless. I just want to stop masturbating, Im trying so hard but it still wont leave me alone and let me live.

First, congratulations on your progress

Sorry you're struggling. You're wise to reach out. Things often get tough just before you step up to a new plateau.

Second, this is no longer really a porn recovery forum. We collected everything we've learned about porn recovery on my husband's site: www.yourbrainonporn.com. Have a look. However, YBOP is not a forum. And a forum is one of the things you need now. Try www.rebootnation.org. If that doesn't work for you, I'm happy to suggest others.

Finally, the things that help the most are exercise, meditation, time in nature, socializing and beneficial stressors like cold showers: http://yourbrainonporn.com/cold-showers Are you doing those?

Also, if you're fantasizing a lot, read this: http://yourbrainonporn.com/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-... or this: What about fantasizing during a reboot?

Good luck, and when you're ready to try karezza with a partner, come back and visit us. WinkKarezza is for addicts (too)

Thought of you when I saw this:

Don't beat yourself up man!

Stay focused and confident that you can get back to where you were before. The best thing you can is to try and stay positive and fight the urge to relapse. Relapsing without P in my opinion isn't as bad as fulling relapsing to P or PMO. The less you obsess over this stuff (in my opinion) the better off you will be. Learn to incorporate a porn free life into your lifestyle, and once your mentality has shifted towards that only then will you be able to accept it. It's never easy man!! But don't give up, I've been going at this for a while too man.. it sucks, but I know I am better off without P.

Stay strong
EOA

Dude, if I held myself to the

Dude, if I held myself to the same standard as you, I would have a PROBLEM.

Taoist exercises were what really got me out of using sex addictively. I can now watch tv and even see crazy sex scenes, and although it may turn me on a little sometimes, I don't get "triggered" by it. And I really no longer have interest in porn. Yeah, if I see something, sometimes I'll think, "Wow... she's hot" and then I move on because I started to see the women who are actually in my life as more important than a digital image or picture. This no longer requires any effort on my part. The real key to this is no longer judging yourself on any level. When I used to think, "I shouldn't be watching/doing this", guess what what my next move was? That's right, I kept doing it...

And, yeah, there are still times, sometimes I even go up to twice a month, I will pleasure myself all the way to orgasm. But with no fantasy, only focusing on the sensation. And guess what, I think it's perfectly healthy....

What I'm saying is I would like for you to get more of the mental state like I am. You can have a healthy view of sexuality and accept you are a sexual being. You don't have to "fight" an addiction for the rest of your life. You are basing your progress on what you "don't" do rather than what you "do" or "be"

IMHO "not masturbating for a year" is a ridiculous goal   Dash 1

Yeah that sounds about right

I seem to drive myself crazy with trying to focus on NOT masturbating, but when I do decide to cave in I feel horribly guilty/depressed (Without P). It is unrealistic to not masturbate I guess, but I've seen so many different readings on people going 300+ days without PMO and so on.. so it's really a trial and error thing for what works best for you! :D

EOA

it's much easier if you have a partner

I've gone years without masturbation and have no desire to anymore. It's because we are practicing Karezza and that has no interest for me anymore. I went from a major habit to not at all without effort. It may not work for you but that was my experience. Don't know why it was so easy but it was.

Hmmm

That is a very interesting notion. Do you think it's because of the no orgasms all together?? Not to sure how Karezza works.