hi well this is my story, ive been with my boyfriend for about 5 years and we live together.
first i saw porn on his phone and computer history and it bothered me but didnt want to overreact so i didnt really mention it. but stuf kept appearing and he started to get really distant, we would still have sex everyday but it was like he was somewhere else in his head and my self esteem hit rock bottom. i decided to check him emails and saw he had looked at live web cam sex, i felt betrayed and confronted him and he said sorry and wouldnt do it again. then about 2 weeks ago i checked his emails again and found this time he had been paying for web cam sex and that he had also sent a message to another person he randomly found on the internet arranging to meet them for sex (he said he just sent it for the thrill and never intended to meet them) but it left me devastated. like my whole world was torn apart. i broke up with him but still had to live with him so we talked alot and cried alot and talked about the addiction and i decided to stay with him because i love him so so much
hes been doing the rebooting thing for almost 2 weeks and is doing well so far but i live in fear of relapse and understand relapse is likely.. but we have started spending much more time together and we talk about everything that has happened a lot so i do understand its an addiction and he loves me but it still hurts. i moved away from my home town to be here with him but he is literally my only friend here, i just feel so alone, i have suffered from anorexia for about 7 years but spent the last year recovered but this all triggered a massive relapse and now my weight is very low. its like i cant control him but can control food, ive made it very clear to him its not his fault tho its just my rubbish coping mechanism .
anyway im just struggling on rebuilding trust and would just like to talk to someone that understands what im going thru but that also judge him. any advise would be great. thank you :)