hello im new

Submitted by emily_4 on
Printer-friendly version

hi well this is my story, ive been with my boyfriend for about 5 years and we live together.
first i saw porn on his phone and computer history and it bothered me but didnt want to overreact so i didnt really mention it. but stuf kept appearing and he started to get really distant, we would still have sex everyday but it was like he was somewhere else in his head and my self esteem hit rock bottom. i decided to check him emails and saw he had looked at live web cam sex, i felt betrayed and confronted him and he said sorry and wouldnt do it again. then about 2 weeks ago i checked his emails again and found this time he had been paying for web cam sex and that he had also sent a message to another person he randomly found on the internet arranging to meet them for sex (he said he just sent it for the thrill and never intended to meet them) but it left me devastated. like my whole world was torn apart. i broke up with him but still had to live with him so we talked alot and cried alot and talked about the addiction and i decided to stay with him because i love him so so much

hes been doing the rebooting thing for almost 2 weeks and is doing well so far but i live in fear of relapse and understand relapse is likely.. but we have started spending much more time together and we talk about everything that has happened a lot so i do understand its an addiction and he loves me but it still hurts. i moved away from my home town to be here with him but he is literally my only friend here, i just feel so alone, i have suffered from anorexia for about 7 years but spent the last year recovered but this all triggered a massive relapse and now my weight is very low. its like i cant control him but can control food, ive made it very clear to him its not his fault tho its just my rubbish coping mechanism .

anyway im just struggling on rebuilding trust and would just like to talk to someone that understands what im going thru but that also judge him. any advise would be great. thank you :)

Welcome Emily

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please take good care of your health. Make it your first priority, while you sort through the rest of the situation. Is there a support group in the area where you are that can help you sustain healthy eating habits? You will need to get in balance and stay in balance to stay on your snowboard, regardless of how the relationship unfolds. *big hug*

This forum doesn't tend to be as good for women who need to process pain as it is  for men. That wasn't my intention, it's just the way it turned out. So, although you are extremely welcome and people here will be happy to help you understand what your partner is going through (which has nothing to do with you, or your imagined inadequacies or unattractiveness), you may want to spend time on a support forum for partners of porn addicts too. There are some listed here (from our support page on www.yourbrainonporn.com):

For the Partners of Addicts:

I'm just working on an article for partners who want to help their partners who are quitting porn. If you'd like me to send it to your registration email, I can. It's in very rough form, but it might provide some comfort.

Bottom line: You're right to be alarmed, as addiction makes anyone a less than solid partner. He's the only one who can turn this around, but there's a lot you can help with (if you care to and it isn't making you ill!), if both of you are willing to use your sexual energy very carefully while he is "rebooting." This means daily bonding behaviors. Some couples also find it useful to try another approach to sex during this time: Karezza is for addicts (too).

Is he getting support from a forum? Here are two good ones:

REDDIT.NoFap

YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

Let us know how you get on.

thank you so much. your so

thank you so much. your so kind. those links are really useful thank you.
he sometimes posts in the reddit.no fap. we have been spending so much more time together and i feel closer to him now than ever since he started the reboot.
and yes i would absolutely love to read ur article :)

no im in no treatment for my eating right now because i was discharged when i was healthy weight. i will research and see if there are any groups because would also be a good way to make friends.

thank you so much for your support

OK, I've sent it

Please give me any suggestions for improvements or aspects that I need to cover and haven't.

Support groups can be an excellent place to find good friends. Happy hunting!