is this HOCD ??

Submitted by k12345 on
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For the last 3 days ive been suffering from what i believe is HOCD...I believe it came from the stress i already had in my relationship..i had been emotionally numb for about 3 months in my relationship, wanting to get out of it but didnt know how to so i stayed and the stress grew and became part of me..i tried to push it off to the side,and stay in my relationship to see if it changed but i didnt...i believe the HOCD came from a random thought from when i was watching straight porn, ive always masturbated to naked women, and straight porn imagining that im the man...ive always been attracted to females, had plenty of sex in my relationship, fantasized about being with and flirting with other woman, never had a fantasy about another man....recently all that seemed to change when i had a thought about anal sex being performed on me, and that snowballed into other thoughts that i never had...never have i pictured myself with another male friend of mine or nothing, never had any type of emotional **** for another male..these thoughts make me think that i am gay, making me question what i do, what i say, making me sick, i cant eat, think intrusive thoughts...making me feel like im gay, when i know im not.......and the first two days i had serious anxiety, almost wanting to kill myself because i lost all attraction towards any female and it is killing me, now it seems like my anxiety is calming, almost like im accepting or something, i would like to think im not gay but idk..wtf does this mean?