How to experience oneness without intercourse?

Submitted by The Seeker on
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Hey. The last time I made a post here I said that I had a girlfriend and we were planning on doing some karezza-esque things. We are both in our early 20's and are committed to the ideal of chastity (saving sex for marriage).

First, a little bit about myself just so you can know where I'm at on my life journey. I was addicted to pornography from the age of 15, but gave it up after I stumbled upon Then I was committed to the ideal of being a celibate monk from about 17 onwards, and was actually an ordained monk for a while. But then I fell in love with the girl in question, and could not resist her for the life of me. So here I am.

It is going really well. I feel very close to her with no desire for orgasm at all. I have nearly accidentally slipped into orgasm only once. Blue balls were a problem at first, but I just have learned to calm down every now and again and focus on my breathing.

I have found that I am delighted by other physical features of hers besides the "conventional" sexual parts because of doing this. I am noticing the parts of her body that are sensually delightful but which aren't considered sexual by society, like her arms or her back or cheeks. Just brushing my hand against my partner's face fills me with delight - far more delight than a vulgar sexual act.

I do have a few questions, though.

I often feel as though even though I am cut off from orgasm, there is still a tendency in me to want a "goal". I have an idea in my head that some kind of mystical oneness should be the goal. How to experience this? I have read something about transferring sexual energy to my partner through visualization and breath techniques. How to do?

I notice that I am still losing semen, though I am not orgasming, when I do things like kissing, cuddling, etc. I find this a little bit alarming, because I believe any semen loss at all still causes one to lose Ojas. What do people here think of this? Sometimes I still notice subtle effects of semen loss such as a lack of ambition or vigour. Does engaging in any kind of physical intimacy at all make losing semen inevitable?

First, if you're not orgasming

you're probably not losing semen, but rather losing lubricating fluids. When you do have sex, you'll see that these lubricating fluids, along with hers, will contribute enormously to your successful karezza lovemaking.

Second, it may not be the loss of fluids that causes feelings of depletion, but rather the intense neurochemical blast of climax itself. See Orgasm's Hidden Cycle. In other words, if you're not climaxing, your ojas is fine.

What do you really notice? It doesn't sound like you feel drained, or like you see your partner through a neurochemical haze. If not, no worries.

No one can "teach" you bliss. Just keep going and let us know what you discover as you do. Kiss 3 But it's best not to have any goal except to relax into the experience.

More questions

Hey, thanks for the quick reply.

I do think that even without orgasm a man experiences a little bit of depletion. This is a difficult thing for women to understand, and even for most men to understand. I understand it because as a result of my 3 years of celibacy I know what it is like to be totally restrained in both thought, speech, and action. The level of vigour and bliss a man experiences from such levels of celibacy can be immense, but only if accompanied by a good meditation regimen. When I started university and lost the time to meditate as often my celibacy became quite frustrating.

I mostly just feel a loss of ambition and a little bit of vigour. My perception of my partner doesn't change, though I do feel a little bit weary of too much sexual activity.

Marnia, I have some questions about breasts. I am very interested in how Karezza can improve the breast play that me and my partner do. I have read somewhere on this site that breasts are actually the primary gateway for a woman to experience sensual bliss.

How do I start?
What kind of things must I do to help my partner feel blissful through her breasts?
What kinds of things must she do to feel this way?
How much of a Karezza-like state can one enter through breast stimulation?

I hope my questions are not too graphic or vulgar, but I am too curious for my own good. Also, Marnia, I feel that you would be honest, straightforward, and wise enough to give me the answers that I seek.

The queen of breast work

Is Diana Richardson. Have a look at her books. Tantric Orgasm for Women has a lot on this, but so do some of her others. You might want to read that one together.

Celibacy may be easier in some respects, but union has it's own heathy rewards that celibacy cannot provide.