I feel great! Now wait a second, come back! (Day 27)

Submitted by getmeout on
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27 No P / 17

Today started great. I woke up a bit earlier. I can feel the energy coming on. I had morning wood - like 75%. I've been feeling great - and I'm starting to get motivated again. I'm feeling great. I can hold eye contact longer, I'm more attentive to everyone socially, and I feel better about the job outlook! I've stroked myself off and on just to see my sensitivity - I haven't had much desire to MO. It's nice. Things are fantastic...well this was the morning.

I felt a drop in the afternoon - I went for an intense hike, and I was pretty tired after that. I noticed that during the evening, I felt more insecure and anxious. This morning, I woke up feeling great about the girl I'm seeing, and then towards the middle of the day I suddenly started to doubt myself. I was also anxious last night and this morning. Ah well, mood swings! I had already mentally prepared for this and I know I'm not out of the woods....but there are clear signs of progress and I'm starting to see the light!

I don't feel desperate for sex either. and I feel more confident about it. Before, I would doubt myself in bed, but now I feel fine. I feel empowered. Anyway, just a quick check-in guys.

PS I should note that this is my second "serious" attempt at reboot over the past 6mo. The first time was super hard, and I didn't do it correctly (watched nude images, but not MO). After I relapsed, I had at least 3 or 4 attempts during which I quit for 2-3 weeks. That's important to keep in mind. I think those attempts have had a lot to do with my attitude towards this one. Each attempt is important. You learn, you understand more, and you feel more determined.


I have also found that I've

I have also found that I've learned something from each attempt. Sometimes I wish more guys here would lighten up on themselves and just be gentle and patient as they work the process. I'm glad you don't have that problem :)

I think

everyone just wants to be well asap. I remember I when I would read how someone relapsed and relapsed, I just thought "that won't be me." It was. But you simply don't understand each process during the first try - if some do, that's great. But there is a serious learning curve to this process. For example, I never connected the dots between feeling insecure and worthless, and withdrawals. I never understood that I would MO out of feeling bad about myself. I also never would have realized that I still had to learn how to connect with women, and that I was afraid of being vulnerable. I learn something each time, and each new attempt I go in with a different perspective. You simply can't take it all in at once.


I don't think people realise just how long this can take. I went over 80 days first time before a massive spiralling out of control (there were a few serious things that happened in my life that tipped the balance) however now I am at 112 days I realise that I thought it would happen a lot quicker and then just stay fixed. How wrong I was!! You are so right, there is something to be learnt with each failure but I don't think some people reflect on their mistakes and think about it, forgive and move on. They just quit quitting.
Keep on guys!!