I feel like I want less, and have more to offer

Submitted by Brightly on
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I received a copy of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow as a gift from a friend; she described it as "Sacred glue".

Having scientific training, and being of what I must now assume is the correct mindset, I found it cathartic. I feel as though I now have information which, now I've assimilated it, I couldn't turn my back on. I'm single at the moment, but have stopped masturbating, simply because I've found a reason to. (Before, I was firmly in the "What could possibly be wrong with an orgasm?" camp, despite some education regarding dopamine and its role in anticipatory behaviour.)

After 17 days, I'm already feeling the benefits: I feel sometimes more creative, more receptive to positivity, and there are a number of things which I don't yet know if I can ascribe to my recent orgasm abstinence. Being single, and thinking clinically, I don't have the same opportunities to boost oxytocin levels - I am, however, meditating, going to take up yoga, and doing things that I've always done, like getting cuddles, and being crawled upon by my nieces, and telling them stories; this is all healthy, of course, and all a wee bit by the by.

The biggest difference I notice is that when I see attractive women, I'm more confident because I don't feel as if I want so much: I'm not thinking, "Hi, if you're attracted to me too, I'm sure I could give you lots of orgasms, and maybe we could grow to love each other, and I'm actually very romantic." I'm more thinking that when I meet a woman who is willing and open-minded enough to try the exchanges, then the very experience of actively pursuing happiness together, by these romantic means, will be such a bonding experience... I'm very much looking forward to it. Normally when I get together with someone (and I feel this is the case for many), there is a degree of sexual posturing, and a need to perform, that gets in the way of the romance. And, to an extent, it continues through the relationship as I endeavour to be the man who gave his love more orgasms and associated ecstasy than anyone before or since, because I USED TO THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

This wisdom reaches further than that, too. A lot further... However, this is my first post here, and I feel already that it's quite a wee rant, so I'll simply finish by saying a big "thank you": I feel as if I might now have a key to true happiness, and as if a sexual ego might soon become a thing of the past. For that, I am eternally grateful, and filled with hope. I now have to find a way to carry the message that doesn't encounter so much cognitive dissonance.

In gratitude

Brandon. I-m so happy
-o0o-

Welcome

It's a real eye-opener, isn't it? I know that I, too, started to see human relationships in a totally different light as a result of this information. It gave me a sense of optimism and made sense of so much that had previously just seemed chaotic.

The real challenge will be how to approach this topic with a potential lover. Not sure of your age, but I just read this article, and it gave me an even clearer picture of how challenging it must be to make the simple suggestion, "What if we went slowly and hung out with each other only for a few weeks?"

Tales From the Millennials' Sexual Revolution

http://www.rollingstone.com/feature/millennial-sexual-revolution-relatio...

I had hoped my book could help educate, but few people read books these days. Sad

Looking forward to your further insights.

I'm very happy for you,

I'm very happy for you, Brandon. I am sure that with your newfound insights, you will find a receptive woman in short order. My sense is that women innately prefer the Karezza approach to the 'Caveman' approach.

I agree

Avoiding orgasm reduces the desperation to have sex. It can make the dating process much more relaxed and enjoyable, and probably can lead to better selection of a long-term mate.

You might find these stories inspirational: http://www.reuniting.info/node/7970

Good luck! I hope you stay in touch.