I think I relapsed...

Submitted by bengalibash on
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I think I relapsed and I feel terrible that I did. I mean, I knew what I was doing and I couldn't stop, but anyways, I'll explain my whole story of why I decided to rebalance myself in the first place.

It all started in early May, me and my friend started to mess around in a sexual manner, but didn’t have sex because she wasn’t on the pill and I didn’t have a condom. Days later, we went at it again, but as she was giving me oral, she said I was flaccid, an erect flaccid, just like a couple of days before.

We still continued on and after she was done performing oral sex, we took a break because she had an appointment to go to. When she left, I ejaculated to what we were doing because I didn’t know when she was going to return. When she returned, within the hour of ejaculation, she straight up asked me if I wanted to have sex.

I had the condom this time, but decided against it as I later found out she was allergic to latex. So as we started messing around, I couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate her. I thought maybe it was because of ejaculation, but who knows.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise not to have unprotected sex or maybe that is what deterred me, who knows? All I know is that after that, I felt that something had to be wrong with me.

This wasn’t the first time this has happened to me either, so I felt it was time to research why this happened yet again.

I began to visit sites like this one, yourbrainonporn.com, yourbrainrebalnced.com and found out that porn itself and masturbating constantly to it was the problem. I’ve been watching porn ever since I was a teenager and didn’t think of the repercussions it could have later on in life (boy, do I regret it now). Since that day, May 9th, I stopped looking at any sort of porn whatsoever and didn’t touch myself as I was thrown into a deep depression.

The good thing is that I never get any urges to look up videos or websites any longer and I am proud that it is so easy just to give up on something like that. I began keeping myself preoccupied, doing exercises, focusing on artwork, etc. I also started doing kegel and reverse kegel exercises to strengthen myself and help cure this problem.

Whenever I look at images on the internet of beautiful women they don’t turn me on instantly as before, but the one problem I found myself having is that whenever I think of my friend, I get an erection immediately because I think of the sexual acts we performed with one another.

I began edging once before today, but once I researched what I was doing messed with the process, I stopped.

I tried not thinking about her, but it’s hard not to. She was/is always on my mind, and when I think of her, it’s hard for me not to get erect.
So on day 35, today, I kept touching myself, edging myself and it led to ejaculation. It’s sad because I knew what I was doing and I kept going. The good thing was that it wasn’t because of porn, the bad is because I kept fantasizing and obviously with not masturbating for such a long time, it wasn’t going to take much.

I just feel so distraught and disappointed with myself. I am going to continue with this process, but wonder how I overcome such a situation. Was it right that I masturbated about a real girl who I’ve done things with?

I need as much tips and help that I can get. Thank you.

You're doing great

Seriously. Would you say your erections are back to normal when you are around her? How often to you see her?  As long as your erections are back to normal and you stay off the porn, it's likely that occasional masturbation won't have ill effects. Just watch out for the "chaser": What is "the chaser?"

If you two are no longer together, it's time to start interacting with other potential mates. That's what your brain wants. Kiss 3

Also, there's such a thing as too much ejaculation. You may find this article interesting: Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover? | Your Brain On Porn

Just depressed now

I haven't seen her in about a month and won't see her again till around late August (We are on our summer break from university). Also, we aren't in a relationship, we just mess around from time to time.

After I ejaculated, I didn't feel the chaser effect. I guess porn was just a go to because I was lonely most of the time. I've gotten accustomed to the loneliness, so there is no need for me to go look for such a thing.

Instead, I felt depressed at myself for masturbating after not doing it for so long, even if it wasn't because of porn. When I think about her now, I haven't gotten hard like I was when she came into my mind. I feel I can't even get erect even if I tried.

The last time I ejaculated was when I wrote the post and I haven't been feeling any urge as of late. I don't drink or smoke and I'm not on any medication, but I just feel dead down there.

Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, but I don't know, I'm just confused with it all.

More Questions

Thankfully my flatline didn't last that long, it was only a couple of days and I felt the same as I was once before.

I recently went to my doctor and he assured me that masturbation/ejaculation was fine and that it was more than likely performance anxiety that caused the problem with the girl. Being inexperienced doesn't help either and I still don't know how to clear my head when it comes down to it. I fear that the same situation will arise when I see her again since it's still in my head.

I am not going to masturbate as frequently as I once did and today I ejaculated again, even though it didn't take long. My penis gets harder then before I started the process and I didn't feel depressed afterwards. I did it while thinking about the girl again as well. Is it okay to masturbate to the things I've done with her or is it hindering the process?

Also, does ejaculating again mess with the process, even if it wasn't porn induced? I'm confused.

I am starting to think that my problem wasn't porn, because I haven't thought of porn since I quit it in early May. Maybe it's because there is a girl in the picture, but who knows? The farther I'm kept away from it, the better. I just now need to know how to get rid of performance anxiety, which as I mentioned before is currently difficult.

Just because masturbation is normal

doesn't mean masturbating to today's porn won't cause ED and lingering performance anxiety. Your doctor is a fool if he doesn't know that. We've heard a lot of bad advice in the last few years. Fortunately, things are turning around in the professional advice department...gradually: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-experts-tell-guys-suffering-from-ed

Performance problems often do end up tangled with genuine anxiety, which makes perfect sense. I think you'll be fine. When in doubt give the masturbation a rest for a bit longer. It can't hurt. You can always make up for lost time later, after your confidence has returned if you find it so beneficial.

The performance anxiety will fade with time and experience. There's no magic cure for it. Enlist your partner's help if  you're feeling nervous. Boyfriend Quitting Porn? 5 Tips | Your Brain On Porn

Still overthinking...

I am basically on my own for this. She is just a friend I mess around with. If I pressure her with such a situation, she'll just go and find it from someone else leaving me to feel like I ruined everything.

The thing is that I've already quit porn and I don't think about it, even when I masturbated it was to actual events, with a bit of fantasy thrown in. I also don't masturbate almost every day like I used to.

The only thing that is in my head is that I'll probably mess things up like I did the last time where I couldn't keep it erect. A problem still fresh in my mind and trying to overcome.

Also, being inexperienced, how do I know I won't prematurely ejaculate? If I am not masturbating or having sex, wouldn't my semen just build up and I'll ejaculate in a matter of seconds, ruining everything yet again?

No one knows any of those things

Personally, if you feel too pressured by this connection to even be open about your concerns then you need to cultivate a real partnership bond.

Just because you don't ejaculate at the time you, or anyone else, thinks is perfect doesn't mean you're "messing things up." It's quite normal to ejaculate quickly sometimes. If you're keeping your sexual battery charged you can just have a second round, where you are unlikely to ejaculate as quickly.

Again, porn stars are paid performers. You're not. You're a person with strengths and weaknesses, and should expect to be treated as one -compassionately. Wetch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4orPigl9K_s

Make it clear to the girl that you like being with her for other reasons than just a hook up and you may actually charm her into a deeper connection...one that would enrich both your lives instead of just adding notches to your belts (this is a USA metaphor for keeping track of sexual encounters as if you're playing a game).

Most girls like that their partners aren't masturbating, and are instead "saving their sexual essence" for when they're with a partner (think how flattered you'd be if a girl said she'd given up her sex toys because she wants to enjoy sex with real people more), so don't be afraid to tell her what you're experimenting with. You might actually get extra points.