I'm back...just some helpful info for you guys

Submitted by HabitualProblem on
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Ok, so it's already mid June 2012. Originally I thought I would be cured by January of 2012. Same as many of you here, I've been trying this no PMO thing for quite awhile now. I've gone on streaks of 20, 30, 40, and now 65 days with no PMO. I hate to be a downer but this just isn't working for me. Now I do have to admit, I've relapsed over and over again so maybe some of you might have different experiences with this.
I went to go see a urologist yesterday. I just couldn't wait and pray that this was just somehow going to work for me. I've tried having sex with viagra, cialis, levitra, all sorts of herbs...and nothing. I've tried this no PMO thing as you can see, for many days at a time and still nothing. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year now and I keep giving her excuses as to why I can't have sex with her yet. Well she left. Last Saturday to be exact. That's why I went to go see the urologist yesterday. This is just sad.
Anyway, the urologist of course gave me the same info that everyone has been telling me. That my problem is psychological. I asked him if I can be on TRT (Testosterone replacement therapy) to see if that might help. He wouldn't do it for me because my tests came back normal. I told him I'm running out of options and my life is spiraling out of control. He suggested penile injections. I don't like needles but hey what other choice do I have? So I tried it in the office and it worked....without any kind of libido. It was like magic. So I came home and started researching alprostadil so I will know how to use it and not mess anything up.
To make a long story short, I came upon a new ED treatment that has been approved in Canada and hopefully will soon be approved by the FDA here. It is a alprostadil cream that is applied topically. So basically its the same medication that the urologist injected in me that worked like magic except now no more needles. It works in 5 minutes. For any of you out there who abstaining is not working for, I hope this brightens up your day a little bit, because I know it did mine. It's not out yet, but should be out before the year is over. Good luck.

we all want a magic pill

[quote=HabitualProblem]I've gone on streaks of 20, 30, 40, and now 65 days with no PMO. I hate to be a downer but this just isn't working for me. Now I do have to admit, I've relapsed over and over again so maybe some of you might have different experiences with this.... I've tried this no PMO thing as you can see, for many days at a time and still nothing. [/quote]

How long have you gone without viewing porn?

How long have you gone without masturbation of any kind?

How long have you eliminated fantasy from the mix?

You have admitted that you did *not* give up PMO for very long. Yet you say that it hasn't worked.

But you haven't really tried it.

And how you are trying a medical shortcut rather than addressing the cause.

[quote]I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year now and I keep giving her excuses as to why I can't have sex with her yet. Well she left. Last Saturday to be exact. That's why I went to go see the urologist yesterday. This is just sad. [/quote]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Any chance of getting her back? Were you clear with her about what is going on?

[quote]Anyway, the urologist of course gave me the same info that everyone has been telling me. That my problem is psychological. I asked him if I can be on TRT (Testosterone replacement therapy) to see if that might help. He wouldn't do it for me because my tests came back normal. I told him I'm running out of options and my life is spiraling out of control. He suggested penile injections. I don't like needles but hey what other choice do I have? So I tried it in the office and it worked....without any kind of libido. It was like magic. So I came home and started researching alprostadil so I will know how to use it and not mess anything up. To make a long story short, I came upon a new ED treatment that has been approved in Canada and hopefully will soon be approved by the FDA here. It is a alprostadil cream that is applied topically. So basically its the same medication that the urologist injected in me that worked like magic except now no more needles. It works in 5 minutes. For any of you out there who abstaining is not working for, I hope this brightens up your day a little bit, because I know it did mine. It's not out yet, but should be out before the year is over. Good luck.[/quote]

I think this medical route is unfortunate. It is in my experience often not a solution as it causes more problems and doesn't really affect the basic issue: in this case, problems with erections and orgasm triggered by over-stimulation from porn with masturbation.

Emerson thanks for your reply

Emerson thanks for your reply. I've tried this no PMO thing since early 2011 I believe and have been a member of reuniting for over a year. I apologize for my writing, I know it's not very good and therefore might not be that clear. I've been on many streaks of no PMO and I do admit that I have relapsed. Ive been on streaks of a few days to 20+ days, then 30+ days, and the longest is this year when I went 65 days. I've been dating a girl for over a year and was hoping that if I got comfortable enough with her as well as my complete abstinence from PMO that there would be some results by now. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I mean, there were glimpses where we would be making out and I got some sort of erection but it was never consistent and never gave me the confidence that if we went all the way, that I would be able to perform. To make a long story short, I truly believe now that I have some sort of psychological issue (performance anxiety) that even with long streaks of no PMO will not solve. I've everything I can think of and so far the only thing that worked for me is this injection which I tried yesterday. Started doing some research on it and somehow landed on an article about this same type of drug that I injected but now in cream form so I am VERY hopeful this may be the solution for me. If abstinence from PMO can help anyone out there, then I hope you won't have to go the drug route. Unfortunately I do not believe it will work for me so I'm just glad I found something that did. I can take one thing with me with this experience...is even if the drug work for me, I do not plan on ever watching porn again. Why would I need that when I can have a real woman? I know I might watch it here and there, but it does not have the grip on me that it used to have. Good luck everyone.

That really sucks dude. So, E

That really sucks dude. So, E.D is your primary motivation to re-boot?

Although I've had a porn addiction for a long time, until I was 18 I had genuine organic E.D. I.e there was a vein in my penis which did not get blocked off when I had an erection - so my dick would go up, but only briefly, and wouldn't fill properly. The leaking vein just took too much blood out of it for it to stay hard enough for sex. I think this was due to an injury I had as a kid.

Anyway, once I had surgery and that vein blocked off everything was fine. Now, I still have problems with porn, but I've had plenty of successfuly sex and erection issues only happen very occassionally with me like most guys. Now, I can totally relate to others believing the problem is porn - because although I am fixed, if I overuse porn I will have problems.

However, these difficulties go away as soon as I'm off PMO for a couple of days. Prior to my surgery, nothing helped. So, my point is that there is a small chance that your problem is physical.

Good luck to you, HP

I commend you for continuing to seek what works for you. Resilience in the face of discouragement is one of the best qualities any of us can develop. If your issue is psychological then a bit of creme might be just the ticket for overcoming the problem.

As you say, unhooking from porn is a good thing too. And if the creme doesn't do it, keep looking until you find what does.

Its been a year

Of course, the medication I was referring to isn't out yet but it doesn't matter. You guys were right I never gave the no PMO thing a long enough try. Today is somewhere around 2 months that I have not PMO. I don't keep track of days anymore because somehow I relapse with my mind thinking that I "deserve" a little peek since Ive been doing so well. The brain is a tricky thing. Now I try to look at it as being a person that does not watch porn or masturbate. No ifs, ands, or buts. Anyway, so its around two months now and Im getting very good erections every morning. I mean to the point Im practically masturbating while still half asleep. Luckily, I always snap out of it and ask myself " Do you really want to end the streak this way?" Instead I quickly get out of bed and go shower and get my day started. One question I want to ask is a year and a half ago when I gave the no PMO thing I try and went for long periods of time, I find women I see on the street extremely attractive and gives me very sexual sensations in my body. Why is it this time its been two months and I feel nothing? Sorry, I have to run off to work, any replies or advice is appteciated.

HabitualProblem wrote:

[quote=HabitualProblem]I find women I see on the street extremely attractive and gives me very sexual sensations in my body. Why is it this time its been two months and I feel nothing? Sorry, I have to run off to work, any replies or advice is appteciated.[/quote]

 

Sorry you didn't have better experiences. 

The things that really help guys the most are:

1. Stopping not just masturbation and porn and orgasm, but fantasy. This is crucial as the brain can't tell the difference between fantasy and porn.

2. Cuddling and non-orgasmic contact with a woman is huge. It builds up oxytocin which is fantastic for good erections.

There is something clinical psychologists call the "hot state" where you are aroused  -- sexually or mad or some other strong emotion that puts your primitive brain in the driver's seat. When you are in this state you will do things that you couldn't imagine doing when you are in a "normal" or cold state.

When I see my wife I'm not aroused but when we are going to have sex I become aroused. That's when I have an erection.

The feelings you experience seeing a hot woman on the street -- when I see a hot woman on the street I don't get sexual feelings at all. I get a feeling of attraction but it's not a feeling in my penis or a feeling of arousal. It isn't supposed to be.

So what you are describing is perfectly normal and healthy. Only when you are in a situation where you are going to have sex should you feel arousal in your genitals. That's when you are in a hot state. 

The brain is terrible at knowing what it will be like in a hot state. This is why people do things that later they are shocked they did. Because the hot state throws out the mind and is from the primitive brain. But seeing a woman on the street you aren't in a hot state and your mind is in control and it can't picture or model what you would do in a hot state.

Can you please elaborate more about this potential hot state?

Emerson, can you please explain more about doing amazing and unimaginable things in hot state? In Think & Grow rich, Napolean Hill also describes about the potential of art of sex transmutation but didn't mention how to do it. I always wondered how it's done. Can you please throw some light on this subject?

I think even in case of alcohol, heard there were people who produced great artistic work after getting into a state resulted by alcohol consumption.

it is largely "negative"

hot states put the more primitive "brain" to work. In a study of college students they found that guys who were in a sexually aroused state would at least seriously consider doing things like forcing sex on unwilling women and other stuff that they would never even consider when in a normal state of mind.

When you are aroused you are almost a different person and the "cold you" can't even imagine what the "hot you" will/would do.

Change your world by being a Celibate!

Your view of world changes the moment you take a vow of Celibacy. To abstain means to abstain from all forms of sex ( thought, word & deed) & try to remain as celibate as a saint. I used to experience immense pain of withdrawal & literally got tired of starting it all over again and again but not until the day I realized that all actions were simply byproduct of a thought. I think if we observe celibacy, it allows us to see world through different (spiritual) perspective & thereby helps in checking off all the expressions raising at mental plane.

Celibacy can be observed even in materialistic world

One who has to live in materialistic society to make a livelihood need not run away to forest caves or monasteries to practice celibacy. He can operate wisely and when time arrives to impregnate in his marriage life, he can proceed with it happily. Don't you think it's a good practice(celibacy) for controlling oneself?

Extended periods of nofap

Extended periods of nofap make celibacy seem like a good idea. Until you discover that love-making karezza style still lets you reap all the magnificent spiritual, mental, and physical rewards. There's no downside to this, mate.

You can have your cake and eat it too and there's still enough left to give to all your friends and relatives.

Life's a really big cake that way ^_^

I think periods of celibacy

can be very helpful, in part because they teach us so much about our sexuality and what "too much" looks like.

But it can be very tough to continue indefinitely in today's hypersexualized world without a partner.

If it works for you, great. If not, maybe it's not the right path. Either way, self-control is needed for best results.

Glad to hear of your progress

I agree with Emerson. "Normal" after those lively adolescent years Wacko is to be "ready when the situation arises," not panting constantly. If you think about it, "horny" is not a comfortable state.

Many in our society are being kept at a fever pitch through overstimulation, so "normal" seems confusing at first.

Try some contact with potential partners and see what you notice.

Also, expect further changes. This has been a long journey for you.

Thanks for the replies. It

Thanks for the replies. It makes perfect sense. I guess it would be kind of weird for me to be in that "hot state" in public lmao. I'm just really happy that I've been able to abstain for somewhere around two months. I just don't keep count of days anymore. I did that the first few go rounds and will at some point feel like I "deserve" to take a peek at porn or MO. Now , I just try to let it be and it has been working so far. I hope I'm finally able to break out of this addiction. As a matter of fact, that's how I quit smoking. The first couple of times I tried, I failed eventually until finally one day ....I just didn't want to smoke anymore. I'm praying it will be the same for PMO. Thanks again for the support and I hope to finally be rid of this demon. Thanks again.

What's the goal here? Abstain from orgasm or something else?

Okay fine, lets put celibacy aside and take a case of an addict who is compulsive wanker after having attended sexual rehab centre was told to abstain from sex for straight 3 months to gain back some balance and control. In such a situation do you still encourage one to proceed contact with potential mates? Practising Karezza is fine for married householder but what's with the bachelor whose time is long away to find a partner? Does he have to be celibate until his marriage or any alternative?

why to cuddle? Any advantages?

Cuddling with women before marriage is something that goes against my culture but even if I mentally prepare to do it so I'm not aware of it's benefits. Does it boost one's oxytocin levels? If yes, then it plays huge role for better bonding between couples but I don't see how it can be useful in case of unmarried one's. But boy, this stuff has already got me up very hard, watched few videos of it that already made me to feel someone kissing, massaging, biting & circling around nipples. Just wondering how will I able to control orgasm if done in real with this cuddling business.

Suggest you

"tone down" the cuddle to activities suitable for your culture. Even the exchange of eye contact, smiles, conversation, hand-holding, or even a hug at the end of a date can be very soothing. I remember a wonderful post by a guy here from a similar culture. He said he felt a lot of sexual tension until the end of his first date...when a long hug relieved it all.

First things first. You're using this as an excuse to get yourself all hot and bothered with fantasy, and making your struggle tougher.

This article answers your questions about the benefits - as well as science can answer it so far: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

I guess I'm fine with celibate path until marriage

As all people got different tastes, this flirting/cuddling stuff in my opinion works only with those who don't jump the gun. For a guy like me when the sexual tension builds up, I don't think just a hug or kiss would relieve it all.

More over it's such a soothing and pleasant experience that it gets me to think of it all the time.I already explored sites such as (celibatepassion) to find a partner to try it out and got half the day wasted without being aware of it. In past, I used to waste hours, days chatting and speaking with women in yahoo messenger. Now I feel very stupid & repentant as those days would have been worthwhile if spent on evolving myself in my profession.

As Einstein said "An hour spent with woman seems like a minute while a minute in science lab feels more than an hour."

You're not so different, Sir.

You're not so different, Sir. And experiences don't "make" you think about things. You control your thoughts. It's a tough thing for most people to admit, but it's something that can be learned. Try picking up meditation to empty your mind. It seems like a waster of time at first, but it'll actually safe you many many hours by clearing your mind of all the "clutter" you've been accumulating.

Are u sure abt experiences? Any meditation technique 2 suggest?

How can experiences don't make us think about things? Well, neuroscientists say that if anyone experiences anything very pleasurable for the first time, it increases the likelihood to re-experience it over & over again to an extent that a strong neural link is formed in brain. Experiences does makes us think about things I'm afraid.

Can you please suggest any effective meditation technique that cleanse the mind and gives better control over thought patterns?

There is only ever one

There is only ever one meditation. All other techniques are window dressing:

You sit on a chair or on the ground in a position that is comfortable to you while still holding your back straight. You close your eyes, relax your body and neck so your chin moves a bit towards your chest and then you breathe in and out and concentrate on the breathing and the feelings in your body.

Whenever a thought comes up, you don't resist it or follow it. You observe it and watch it drop away on its own. The more you do this, the easier it gets and the more your mind calms down.

Alternatively, you can also do things like Yoga classes. I found Yoga helps me not think of anything because the physical requirements are so strenuous that I can't think of anything else.