From inorgasmic to orgasmic...and back?

Submitted by WinkWB on
Printer-friendly version

My wife and I have been exploring Karezza style sex for a few weeks. I'm totally sold on it, she is more skeptical.

We have been together for 19 years, and during that time, our sex life has continued to improve every year.

For a long time after we were married, we were near dead bedroom. She just had no libido and we would end up having sex probably 20 times a year.

A few years ago, we decided to make some changes and schedule the sex. We settled on once a week on Saturdays. She didn't usually have an orgasm, but form time to time, she'd let me get her off another way.

All of a sudden about 4 years ago, she began having orgasms from PIV. It was as if a light went off and she was suddenly orgasmic. Her sex drive improved. We moved to twice a week a couple of years ago, and then 3 times a week 6 months ago.

And now comes Karezza. Having had a PMO addiction for years that I'm only recently dealing with, I've had plenty of orgasms in my 39 years, she on the other hand is having a harder time giving it up.

The dilemma

Her comments are that she knows what it is like to go without orgasm while having sex, since she did it for years. I tell her that it's different know because we are practicing daily bonding behaviors, and having sex much more frequently, and she is feeling the pleasure from sex because she knows her body's sexual responses better.

Anyone have any feedback to her hypothesis?

In general,

men here recommend not trying to sell a wife on this idea. Just take the lead by example and sneak in the daily affection. She'll be along, or not, in her own good time.

As for "she knows what sex without orgasm is like" that is simply not the same as experiencing karezza, where both partners are engaged in a subtle...dance and neither is going for orgasm. It may take time to feel the sparkles, but they're certainly possible. Just having sex when the other person comes and you don't...and feel left out...is not the same at all.

It's very cool that you were brave enough to try this. We saw your posts on NoFap. Bravo!

Thanks for the response.

Thanks for the response.

It's funny how many of the NoFap folks blindly follow the orgasms are non-negotiable neccessities route. I guess it's a bit like asking someone to eat a cupcake and skip the icing for some folks.

She's actually trying out karezza. She agreed to give it three weeks. I think the hardest part for her to accept is that there's a hangover effect from having one. But I can sense some of the subtle changes: finding things that I do irritating, withdrawing from contact, etc.

Today is day 11 for her, so she's just about get through the 14 day cycle, and then we'll see what happens!

Wink

I think your right on track. I'm a big fan of leading by example and letting the woman find her own path to karezza. You're already ahead of the curve as she is willing to go for a certain amount of days without orgasm and then see what happens. This is the best way to test it out in my opinion. You dont need to necessarily notice the after orgasm fall out, instead most folks just see how sweeter it is passing on the orgasm. I believe personal experience and trial and error is the best teacher.

She may decide to go for a period of orgasm. You holding the container, through your commitment to non-orgasmic love making so she can explore in her own way, is the best thing you can do in my opinion. I find women very intuitive with their bodies.