Submitted by razz on
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Hi Folks,

I'm new to the site and karezza. I'm 31 a virgin male and decided to remove porn from my life. It's been 19 days since I've watched porn or orgasmed. I'm more concerned with removing porn then having an orgasm at this point in my journey. I'm experimenting with karezza and its loving touch. It's my understanding that karezza is all about a non goal oriented loving touch, with no orgasm chasing, is that correct? It just seems to me if one nails down the intention of the experience the rest takes care of itself. I've had a "karezza" experience where my body is fully relaxed, and as I caress it, my whole body tingles with life. From head to toe, my skin vibrates and body tingles, and the body feels as one. This is a very pleasant experience for me, it's a contrast from my usually heady/segregated and goal oriented state.

Just a few questions:
1) If one is to control the arousal level does that not imply goal orientation / intention ? What about relaxing into orgasm be it with ejaculation or without? I've had 1 body orgasm a while ago, I was all smiles during the day. Though at the time I was not aware of karezaa, and did not keep track of how I've felt few days after the orgasm. But from what I can recall I felt amazing following a non-ejaculatory orgasm, with a then tantric approach.

2) Also I've noticed that solo practice sometimes makes me think and feel more lonely. It seems to highlight the fact that I'm alone without a partner. But I have to assume that awareness is better than temporary escapism through constant porn and ejaculation.

3) It it not healthy to perhaps once a month to release the semen, perhaps once a month? Because I've tried not watching porn before, and at some point I've binged on porn after a month or so of abstaining. Don't want to go down that route, was even wondering if buying a sex toy like a "fleshlight" would help orgasm if pressure is too high and a release is needed, without the porn.


My opinion

1) Putting aside the fact that Karezza is a practice between partners and that this is not directly analogous to self-pleasure, yes, there is a difference between 'controlling ejaculation' and 'not having the goal of orgasm'. Not in what you do, but your attitude. The western culture is pretty bad at explaining ideas like this. It's about observing, not doing. It's about mindfulness, not thought.

2) Well, it's OK to feel like that. The question is, what are your values and what are you doing to live by those values?

Often it is the case that I grossly underestimate the weight of my actions (or lack of thereof) in my life, giving my thoughts way too much importance. Directing attention to what needs to be done is what helps me most if I'm feeling low. I might not feel better, but at least I'm headed in the right direction.

3) Those are some pretty extra-ordinary claims. There is not reason to believe ejaculation to be a necessity.