Karezza as a way to non-dualistic experience

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I think that for most serious practitioners of meditation, the aim is personal recognition of the inherent transcendent wisdom – i.e., Bodhi-mind, Christ Consciousness or Buddha Nature – consequently, each tradition has its own ideas about which technique works. Yet most seem to agree that some form of meditation, specifically mindfulness is essential.

I can also attest to the significant benefit of this practice, especially when coupled with supplemental practices such as maitri or loving kindness, tonglen (breathing in pain, breathing out compassion), prajna-wisdom slogans for working with various emotional mind states and so on. Until recently, I’ve found little instruction for using karezza-type (non-orgasmic) sexuality between a man and woman, as a tantric method for achieving the Great union, transcendent experience, i.e., fullness & emptiness, non-dualism.

The problem lies in the basic unwillingness to face our root fear and begin to experience life through sensual touch, and the natural elements (earth, water, air, ether, fire) purely, and without aversion, without pushing away our accumulated emotional pain. This is perhaps the biggest stumbling block we all must inevitably face in the end. Our endless wandering thru samsara goes onward and outward, seemingly forever, until we’ve personally reached the limit of our pain in avoiding reconnecting with the transcendent nature that is essentially, eternally, within ourselves.

What I have realized is that meditation methods such as shamatha-vipashyana (mindful awareness) and even some of the 112 methods of Shiva (as described in the Vijanabhairava Sutra) are all very useful, yet in themselves, often tends to be difficult, cumbersome, sometimes painful, uncomfortable, not to mention, boring. The fact is meditation requires effort, discipline and daily practice, training the body to endure sitting still long enough so that the mind can settle, letting go and focusing on present moment awareness - such as the outbreath – or dissolving the sense of self and realizing a momentary flash of expansion.

Ironically, these benefits can happen quite effortlessly with karezza sex. Without struggle, a couple can eventually settle into a natural quality of softening, where all sense of pain and physical discomfort seems to disappear (at least temporarily), while waves of sensual pleasure lead the mind to states of expanded awareness, and with little or no effort whatsoever. I have noticed this state consistently over the last two years. By keeping my breath centered and flowing “in and out” of my heart, I often find that my perception shifts toward the divine (higher chakras). Furthermore, when the sexual experience is over, my sense of completion and expanded connectedness, feelings of compassion and loving kindness seem to linger for hours – sometimes even a day or two.

Surely, the more a couple can engage in conscious lovemaking in this way, the more they’re simply extending kindness and compassion toward each other, and softening around the pain of their individual sense of separation.
In truth, I can honestly say, even after years of practicing meditation, I have never achieved a similar, profound effect or sublime sense of well-being through meditation alone. And yet, that is what meditation teachers and practitioners continue to advise in Dharma centers, Buddhist meditation retreats all over the world. Meditate, meditate, meditate (and don’t have sex).

Few, if any, agree that karezza, as a specific, prescribed spiritual tantric (continuation) discipline, can significantly enhance one’s personal meditation practice. I feel now, that the more one engages in loving, non-orgasmic karezza sex, the more that solo meditation practice becomes easier, less difficult and genuinely more limitless.

The key to this is simple: apparently, on our animal level (of which the human body is programmed and hardwired in the first three chakras), we really want only food, comfort, warmth, safety, sexual pleasure and a sense of tribal companionship. Through the practice of sitting alone, silently in mediation, sensing and touching phenomenon at a pure level, one may begin to “see” this programming for themselves. This in turn offers us an opportunity to choose to step around the unconscious tendency we hold toward grabbing or clinging and satiating these sense desires in harmful or selfish ways. All in all, transformation is a slow process. It takes years of effort, dedication and commitment to working with the mind in this way. I have found that, for me to stay engaged in present time awareness, I must continuously attend and allow all sensations within and around me – and mindfully feel what is happening at the moment – whatever sounds, smells, the play of light, physical touch, even thoughts, whether pleasant or painful. Even without a sexual partner, it is fully possible to engage life in this simple way. (Again, this is beautifully explained in the classic Sanskrit text, the Vijanabhairava Sutra).
And yet, with karezza, especially when a person is engaged in a loving, monogamous and committed relationship, one can experience the satiation of the basic survival desires, but in a wholesome way. Though it does take a lot of practice in the beginning for a couple to adjust to the slowness of this kind of sex - over time, the body’s sensitivity becomes fine-tuned to a high degree - which leads to everyday life experience becoming sensual and totally satisfying. I have found that using karezza, along with breath meditation, prayer, chanting, loving kindness practice, dzogchen or tonglen (anything that enables you to overcome the animalistic tendency and let go of ignorance, grievances and lust) creates a simple, holistic path toward awakening to our inherent, transcendent wisdom.

Welcome back

Thanks for sharing your insights. I agree that it seems like this approach can act as a shortcut of sorts to feelings of wholeness. Something about the balance achieved with another person seems to speed the process of deep relaxation and...refreshment.

K-J-, you are where I want to

K-J-, you are where I want to get! I meditate daily (several times a day, lately), and find it can be calming. And, recently, I have sensed changes in my consciousness, which I find rewarding and fulfilling. But, meditating can be a lot of work for what appears to be rather limited benefit.

One of the aims of Karezza for me -- besides strengthening my marriage bond -- is to pierce the veil to higher states (and which has been my motivation for meditating). To-date, I have really enjoyed the sensual, sexual aspects of Karezza; it is the best sex that I have ever had. And, I feel comfortable that my energy circulation practices -- e.g., visualizing and feeling a beam of light entering through the top of my head, down through my seven chakras, into my wife, and up through her seven chakras -- are aiding both my wife and me, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

But, I think I will try your approach: "...By keeping my breath centered and flowing “in and out” of my heart, I often find that my perception shifts toward the divine (higher chakras)..."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience, K-J-!

Torus flow

The big "ah hah" happened for me in all this once I re-read Daniel Odier's book, "Tantric Quest - An Encounter With Absolute Love." The thing I realized from his work is that many ancient practitioners of tantric/meditation methods seem to go beyond beliefs and concepts in order to embrace simple energetic experience - divine experience.

What happens for me with the heart breathing (up through the root chakra to the heart on the in breath - and then out from the heart through the crown chakra) is that I begin to feel the torus energy circulating, as though it is breathing around my body. I mentioned this phenomenon on the forum a couple of years ago thru practicing with biogenic energies - in the form of using wheatgrass plants - All in all, the intense connection I feel with my lover is beyond words. And the effect after lovemaking continues at a high level - usually for many hours or a couple of days. I never achieved that in meditation or chanting.

It is great to know that you two understand what I'm saying here. Once a couple taps the benefit of this kind of approach it just bypasses all the struggle that seems to come with other spiritual practices or meditation alone. I would like to hear the experiences of others who have discovered similar results.


say that sexual energy is transformed to life energy and to spiritual energy. ejaculation is to be avoided. man is more yang and woman is more yin so dual cultivation is easier but single cultivation is possible. duality is described by the yin yang nature of all energy and the balanced state is non duality. from a taoist perspective karezza is dual cultivation.

thanks for your post, Kevin

and all the comments here. I've been preparing myself for 10 years now for a new relationship, and a sacred sexuality practice which nourishes the environment for non-dualistic experiences. I think this year someone will come from the ethers into my physical experience -- Smile -- and I've had some "trickles" of manifestation, besides being really ready now to give it a go again!

Also, several years ago I purchased several levels of meditation CD's from Bill Harris' group, Centerpointe. I received many CD's taped at his workshops. He had spent decades studying and practicing Eastern teachings and styles of meditation. Then, in the 1980's an ear specialist in France discovered binaural beat technology with his patients, which has been used for some time now by people such as Bill Harris, to cut through YEARS of traditional meditation, to achieve the same brain wave results. Bill calls it "the lazy man's way to meditate" and while I had to stop for a time purchasing more advanced CD's from Centerpointe, I've found endless offerings on YouTube -- all types. Binaural beat, then other types which effect the different brain wave states. I choose one for an hour every day, and it is so wonderful, because you do not have to "do" anything! You don't even have to stop your thoughts. They will effortlessly slow down by the end of the meditation time. There are shorter and longer ones, too, and some designed for when you go to sleep at night. I'm all for EASY!

Any comments here?

Thanks, all!


P.S. For "binaural beat" meditation, you must use headphones

S--, I experimented with

S--, I experimented with binaural beats two years ago, downloaded for free from YouTube. But, given that I see lots of deceivers everywhere -- e.g., sexologists who trumpet orgasm -- I stopped using it, because I was suspicious that some 'dark' folks could use such to send 'bad' subliminal messages. There was a big outfit in Virginia -- where lots of government folks (i.e., CIA) work -- which uses binaural beats in its retreats. So, that fueled my suspicion.

I know that I sound paranoid. But, from my vantage point, I see deliberate poisoning (by government and its witting or unwitting agents) of our water (fluoride), food (GMOs, neurotoxins like aspartame), and air (chemtrails). And, I have seen convincing-to-me demonstrations of subliminal programming in TV and movies. So, I have stayed away from binaural beats. But, that is solely because I am leery of 'adulteration' of the product; the concept makes great sense to me.

Damn, John G!!!!

Never thought of THAT! And I am an activist (online) in all the causes of which you speak.

Well, I am not quite ready to give up on the ones available on YouTube, just exercising some intuition and discretion.

But those are good observations.

Oh, boy!

More good stuff!! Thank you! My Law of Attraction practices are paying off! Got back to it intensively last September, and feel like I'm going to new levels. New things and sources are showing up even more, and seeing more synchronicities -- maybe I'm just becoming more aware of them.

Thanks, Kevin! Hugs and love to you and Donna! Hope to someday come and visit! I miss the South.

432 hz music - another example

I just listened to a recent interview with Cobra (for those of you who are into the New Age sources) and he just mentioned the 432 hz music as being a very good one for humanity. I had not known anything about this till you posted, Kevin.

I think on that other one the description mentioned it having "light codes."


Just noticed one with 428HZ, also does certain types of DNA repair and other benefits. This is fascinating to see science figuring out why certain types of music "enrapture" us.

John G. my late husband and I

John G. my late husband and I went to Southern France to Renne Les Chateau and a few other sacred sites, but also saw one of the Cathar temples from a distance. It was stunning. I hope you have a wonderful trip.