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Hi,

My girlfriend and I have begun to practice Karezza during porn reboot. We have begun to bond all over again, and I think I can feel feelings of warmth towards her that I haven't felt in a while, maybe ever. Not to say our relationship doesn't have problems. But this helps.

Unfortunately, on a couple of instances, it has been very hard to hold back ejaculate. Is this healthy to edge like this?

Also, I have released a little ejaculate (even when going VERY slowly, but I have been seriously aroused). Will this set back my reboot? Should I stop having sex for a while? If so, for how long?

Best,
Musician

I admire your open mind

You're brave to make the experiment. And lucky to have a partner.

If you slow things down and let yourselves fall into blissy stillness in between waves, you won't put so much stress on your system. That seems to be better than trying to rush up to the fence and stop suddenly.

It's usually the guys with ED who choose to give up intercourse with orgasm (too) during a reboot. However, trust your instincts. If you sense you need a temporary timeout from orgasm (or less frequent orgasm), maybe you do. But keep going with daily bonding behaviors...or maybe still intercourse daily.

Of course, if you want to master karezza, you may want to back up and do some bonding behaviors without intercourse for a while, just to help reset your system.

Let us know how you get on.

FYI

That "little ejaculate" you have observed is probably pre-ejaculate. It's a clear, viscous fluid that is released prior to orgasm and it's function is thought to be for lubrication. Sometimes all I have to do is think about my wife and my underwear gets damp. LOL

Congrats on the reboot.

Musician

I think of beginning a karezza practice like stepping into a room that's in total darkness. At first we all stumble around, bump into things, dont even know whats in the room, and search for the light switch, (which there isnt one since this room is only lit by natural light). Slowly we start to see where things are, whats in the room and how to get around. Also, everybody's room is arranged differently since we're all different and the combination of two people set up the room uniquely to them.

What I'm saying is, karezza is a "fumble as you go and find your own way" kind of experience. Once you're in the room, (which you get to by your intention to avoid orgasm, notice I only said "intention") it's all about the discovery and the dance between partners, and what a sweet dance it becomes.

There's no right or wrong way, only your discovery as the room slowly comes into focus. What all my amorphous words said: If I was going to give any advice, it would be to choose behaviors that don't lead to slipping over the edge. Of course, slipping over the edge will help you figure out which behaviors to choose. How about that?

It's taken my wife and me 14 years of feeling our way around this room on our own to get where we are now and I'm very glad we did it by feel and intuition, although having fellow travelers to talk with in the early days would have been nice.

Good luck in your journey, you're on the path and thats what matters.... fellow traveller.

it's a bit of a learning experience

but I think of the arousal scale, 1 - 10, 10 being orgasm, and around 5, 6 or 7 is where I want to be. 

It took awhile to get to the point where I don't really want to get to 9 or 10 and it's automatic. Sometimes our sex is more edgy (for me) than other times but I enjoy all of it, although the more edgy I sort of end up trying to avoid.

Some people go to the edge and relax and they learn how to relax near the edge and they have incredible pleasure, from what I understand, so who knows.

But at the beginning

I agree with those above, however id add that in the beginning when you are learning, its best just to enter and lay still. For an hour. Just lay there. Change positions from time to time, as your mind wanders or someone yawns. But not moving, no wriggling, jiggling squirming, nothing.

The reasons are these:
- none of the books describe what gentle is, and our old exciteable brain tends to interpret gentle way more arousingly than karezza envisions. Its just force of habit.
- After youve done this a few times youll learn to not be agitated when erections come and go. This helps reduce the performance pressure which also contributes to over excitableness.

Good luck.

Thanks

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the comments! Sorry for the delayed reply, as we were finishing our romantic European vacation with limited Internet.

This all sounds very similar to mindfulness meditation practice. I have been practicing that for a few years now, so this is all up my alley. It sounds like a wonderful journey to go through with a partner, whether I am rebooting or not. I am looking forward to just experimenting with this all and see where it goes.

All the best,
Musician