Love Cupid's poison love arrow, now feel regret over a past relationship

Submitted by johnhello on
Printer-friendly version

Hey guys

Only just found out about Karezza a month or two ago, I was always a fan of the nofap movement and noticed significant results from that; but I had no idea that orgasm with a partner can actually alter your perception of your partner and allow you to focus strongly on their negative points. now that I know this information, I can't stop thinking that my decision to break up with my ex gf was such a bad call. The situation is everything the book says, you start off completely obsessed with the new spouse but after ten months of orgasm based sex I was so desperate to break it off and be with other partners. Although I have been with other girls since her I have never really gotten over this one particular girl, and I think if I had known about Karezza, dopamine and oxytocin; and how orgasm affects all three, I wouldn't have broken up with her and we'd probably still be together today.

I've been completely confused about why I wanted to break up with her so much, but when I did break it off I missed her so much and still do (I broke up over one year ago) but I think orgasm and the natural programmed mating behaviours may have been reason.

In a way I am happy, because the relationship with that girl was the most perfect relationship I could have asked for, we had so much chemistry and she was literally from my dreams, and even all that wasn't enough to make me want to stay with her; I can pretty much pinpoint it down to what Marinia writes in her book so it's great to have this knowledge that, if I ever get another girl like her again, I won't make the same mistake

And I can't get this girl back by the way, she lives in another country now.

I don't really want anything from you guys, just sharing my story in the only place I know where, and maybe some of you guys have been through something similar to this situation and want to share your stories.

Thanks for reading

If it makes you feel any better,

I ruined a number of relationships before I began to ask the right questions. You're already way ahead of where I was. Smile

If you can, write her a note and let her know that "it wasn't her." Loving closure can be very healing for you both.

Hope you can find a partner to give the ideas a try. Thanks for sharing your story.

Sneaky biology, eh?

Thanks so much for sharing

Thanks so much for sharing this. Before my late husband I had another relationship. He insisted on orgasm with me daily (which I usually couldn't provide, but tried). He started out loving everything about me and any flaws were just miner and easy to deal with .In fact at first, "flaws" were a chance to grow and for us to both self-reflect. Eventually he couldn't stand me to such a degree he told me he couldn't even stand to look at me. After he left, I found myself on a selfish quest to find ways to hear other men tell me I was beautiful in order to get over the thought of someone so disgusted by you they " can't even stand to look at you."

Since then, he's been with another who also can't give him the amount of orgasmic sex he seeks and seems to have learned. He's somewhat apologized and complements me both to my face and to others when I"m not around who report back to me.

But Marnia's idea of sending a quick note that "it wasn't you" is something I'd really encourage also. And maybe a note to yourself as well -- "it wasn't you, it was hormones you previously knew nothing about!"

I've both felt that "post-excess" disgust, and

been on the receiving end of it. It's abysmal. A form of temporary insanity, and so devastating to both people. Biology can be brutal. As a species we really need to learn about this...and about the temporary "honeymoon neurochemistry" that fools us in the short-term, so that we blame the other person as things deteriorate. Ugly.

Along with the dopamine sex

Along with the dopamine sex drive, I'd also like to learn more about how to handle the honeymoon neurochemistry if another partner shows up. With my late husband, we unknowingly did a lot of karezza from the beginning because of his physical situation and in some ways it felt like the honeymoon never ended even though I think we sort of melted from honeymoon into pair-bonded bliss. But I still don't trust myself in case a huge honeymoon insanity hits me with a new person. It's as though someone has given me heroine, and even though I know someone gave it to me, I still can't shake the effects of the drug.

And also to be on the receiving end can be almost scary. One man whom I wasn't attracted to must have been struck with honeymoon neurochemistry -- maybe I was "his type" or something but he was talking like an idiot -- stars in his eyes about how we were twin flames brought together by God and that when we first met in person it would be earth-shattering. Nevermind that I had zero interest in him. He couldn't hear me no matter how many times I told him I wasn't interested. From my end, no physical chemistry for him. He was far older. Nothing in common as far as how we live and get on in the world. And I want to know what a man feels without honeymoon neurochemistry, there was no way to know with this man even if I had been somewhat interested. Yet he pursued with insanity. There was no flattery in that for me (gee I must be irresistible) because I knew he wasn't seeing straight.

One might think to start out like I did with my husband -- lots of karezza at first and it will take care of itself. But I think I was lucky with him in that he was open to it immediately, plus after the honeymoon faded, we were still attracted to each other in areas such as lifestyle and spiritual beliefs and how we wanted to handle our children.

Any articles we can be linked to as far as how to handle that chemistry whether it happens to us or to the other?

Hmmm....

You're right about how crazy things can get. I've been on both ends of that too. Blush

When the love bug has bitten, it kind of shuts down the executive control of the brain...which is part of why it evolved, that is, to encourage reckless sex (and fertilization).

But if someone's brain is working...you might try this article as it lays out the honeymoon neurochemistry piece: Will Orgasms Keep You in Love? | Reuniting