I wanted to share my story here briefly. I'm a musician in my late twenties, and I have had a problems with my sexlife ever since i can remember. Firstly, I have never had a real girlfriend, so you can also tell that I have not developed a healthy sexuality either. I have been masturbating more or less regularly since the age of thirteen, and while most of the time I didn't do it but maybe 1-3 times a week, there has been times when it was daily and even multiple times a day.
I had my first sexual encounter with a girl when I was around the age of 23, and after that i have had tens of short term sexual relationships ranging from one night stands to couple of months at the time. Especially in the beginning i used to develop a crush on the girls, but after several failures I learnt not to develop feelings and kept it very physical. I found out that it was very difficult for me to climax and usually it was only after a long time that i could orgasm, if at all. After a while I gave up on the orgasms and focused only on the women. As you can imagine, it got quite boring after a while, and the excitement of conquest after another got lower and lower.
Around 2 years ago I started to believe I have a problem with this, and began soul searching as an attempt to find out what is wrong with me. I found it difficult to develop feelings to women, and I began feeling like a lost cause and focused a lot on working and hobbies. I still went on dates, and even had one relationship with a good woman for almost 6 months, but it also dried up as it felt more like a friendship with sex.
Now last year I gave up drinkin almost totally, and began working out regularly and got into meditation & martial arts. Soon enough I began having some kind of visions about myself and new feelings, and I realized that it is probably the porn that is the main problem for me. I tried giving it up months ago but always got back to it after a week or so, as i was really yearning for that portion of dopamines. But at the same time I was going for more softcore porn, as the hard core stuff i had been watching was really disgusting me. Then i remembered the YBOP site and from there I navigated into this site. And I have to tell you, everything on this site is really making sense to me.
I gave up porn about 4 weeks ago, and haven't looked back since. These weeks have been kinda difficult for me still, as the withdrawal effects are massive! So far I have had insomnia, blue balls, aching penis, increased urge to pee and heavy mood swings. Also at times I feel so horny I don't know what to do about it! It's new for me, as previously i have linked that feeling to MOing - now I'm thinking about a real live female. I've managed to get aroused by just thinking about the girl I like! Also, I haven't even wanted to watch any porn, and if i have by accident seen a nude photo i didn't get the urge to MO. My morning woods have come back and they are massive :D Insomuch that it has almost been a problem for me.
I have also just recently met a girl that I seem to like. We haven't had sex or talked about it too much yet, but I seem to just enjoy being close to her, and feeling her energy when i'm holding her or dancing with her. My moodswings and insomnia are causing a bit of a problem though, as they make me sometimes crumpy, impatient and so on. And the time I slept with her in spoon, I had a hard on for the whole damn night - adding to the difficulty to get sleep
I'm hoping that this will get easier and that she doesn't judge me because of these, as for the first time in a long while I would like to go for a real relationship. I feel bad that I didn't manage to cut the porn out of my life earlier, but I'm trying to be happy that I finally did!