I'm 33 now. I have only gotten erections from girls - naked girls in a random movies, seeing down girls shirts, looking up girls skirts. I started all of this at an early age, maybe 11 or 12. I would sit in class all day and pick out a girl and fantasize about her. I have never gotten an erection from a guy.
My first time masturbating was to a woman from the show MASH. I found my dads stash of Hustlers in sixth grade and masturbated to them sometimes 6 times a day. He also had some porn videos I would watch religiously.
I only wanted to date girls. There were at least 2 girls a year that I wanted to date and would instinctively try and make eye contact with them in the middle of class.
Here's where the weird part comes in. Since I was very young, maybe 7 or 8, I have always gotten very turned on by being naked in front of other people, and exposing my genitals to them. It didn't matter if it was a guy, a girls, a family member, I would get turned on. I remember flashing a car of teenagers that drove by my house at night when I was like 8 yrs old. I remember in 5th grade the teacher telling us to practice showering in public so we would be ready for the 6th grade gym classes, and me really being interested in this suggestion. I remember asking my mom if I could sleep naked at night. And, I remember myself and my brother streaking in the basement and I got an erection from being naked.
So, after masturbating non-stop to Hustlers and porn and girls in my class for years, in about the 10th grade I started to go to the local gym and walk around naked just to get aroused, I wouldn't flash anyone, but just stay towards the back, but also where people could see me. Later that year I started to masturbate to being naked in front of people, and simulations of situations where I would have to take off my clothes in front of them. Some of the scenarios were in front of a nurse, others were in front of my mom, and alot of the scenarios were in front of guys. Like it would be me having to shower after gym class with one of the other guys and we would start to masturbate. Some times there was touching in the scenarios, but it was only after I was so aroused by undressing in front of the guy. If I imagined us doing anything sexual outright, it would turn me off completely.
This went on for a few years, of walking around naked and masturbating to scenarios where I had to be naked. The whole time though I was still pursuing girls and getting erections from them by just making out and almost messing my pants if a girl would just rub my thigh. I never had the drive or thought to be with a guy.
Now when I was about 21, a guy called me gay and this instant insane reaction happened where all of a sudden I started to check and see if I was gay and even felt gay. But, after a short time of that I thought that he was just kidding with me and I instantly felt better. This reaction freaked me out though. When I was 22, I went to a psychologist for some social anxiety I had been experiencing, sweaty hands etc... I decided to mention about me masturbating to those above scenarios. I wanted to mention it because that whole thing with being called gay the year before and my reaction to it had me a little worried it could happen again. So, I decide to tell the pscyhologist I masturbated to guys, and then I would go into the whole thing about my fetish and I thought she would probably say it was normal or something like that. So, I tell her and she leans in and starts writing on her notepad and I say "well, it wasn't exactly to guys" and she says "what was it too then"? And, I start trying to explain and she goes silent for the rest of the time and this freaks me out and instantly I start having gay thoughts and start feeling like I am gay.
After that one session where she just stayed quiet, I guess what she was using was pscyhodynamic techniques, it completely messed me up and I have had a hard time being around people and being in relationships for the past 10 years. I just recently found out about HOCD, and have been wondering if this is actually this, or if I am actually in some sort of denial. Or, if I was in denial and going to the therapist lifted me out of it and made me my true self? Btw, I have never actually done anything sexual with a guy.