Need Relationship Advice

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Submitted by CaptainFalcon on
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Hey guys, sorry to ask this is of you guys, but I really want some relationship advice from people who don't directly know me.

Okay so i've been with my currently girlfriend a few days short of one year now, and we're getting ready to celebrate our anniversary. However, even though we've been together pretty long, this is my first relationship that's gone this far. I really don't know what is normal and what is out of line anymore. I'm starting to lose interest in being with her, and it hurts to even admit that, but something is missing here.

I have what most guys would probably want from a woman: A woman who never calls for more than half an hour a week, doesn't like to be bothered much by me, doesn't like when I show up at her house and "Disturb her life," but who is willing to have sex and the three days tht I do see her. Our sex life is still getting better and more passionate(from my perspective), but I can't help but want more from her. I know her personality is just like this and she's never been a romantic, but it's starting to feel like we're only in a relationship when she's here. Her idea of romantic expression is her buying me food and other stuff which are nice, but it's still so detached.

We're both in school and I know what kind of stresses she is enduring, but life won't get much easier. I would think that one should learn to roll with the punches from life while maintaining healthy relationships. This girl literally gets annoyed when I call now. Very rarely will I call and have a postive response from her.

At the same time, I've had the opportunity to meet and get to know other girls who just seem so much nicer and warmer. However, my current girlfriend USED to be that nice too before she got comfortable I guess. Maybe I should take some time off from relationships? I'm only 22. =)

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

sure here's my advice

I would read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. There is a link on the left on this page.

Bro, this is CLASSIC "Coolidge Effect" stuff. Meaning, that when you have sex especially passionate sex, there is a hormonal brew that kicks in your brain that makes you:

1. more critical of her

2. look at other women more favorably

3. less happy in the relationship and in general even

The whole book is a demonstration of this. It is little known and not widely acknowledged because orgasmic sex SEEMS so bonding. But the reality is that orgasmic sex seems to bond but it doesn't. It actually drives us away as it is INTENDED to do by biology, which wants us guys to go impregnate other females, bottom line.

So my advice is to try to avoid orgasms for 2 weeks. A tough one, I know. But that two weeks helps restore your love and the feelings of great chemistry that drew you two together in the first place.

And by the way, you prefaced your questions with "I have what most guys would probably want from a woman: A woman who never calls for more than half an hour a week, doesn't like to be bothered much by me, doesn't like when I show up at her house and "Disturb her life," but who is willing to have sex and the three days tht I do see her."

But I assure you that is not what most guys want. Most guys want a woman to love them and care for them and who they love and care for. There are some guys who want what you describe, maybe 20%, but the other 80% aren't after that at all. Are you? You don't sound satisfied with that and you probably fall into the 80%.

Avoiding orgasms for a bit brings you back into balance and your brain can honestly assess what you really want. 

This is one of the reasons some of us here practice Karezzza, which is sex with the intention of expressing our love but without the intention of having an orgasm (and generally is non-orgasmic). The other reason is that it brings an indescribable and amazing pleasure into your life.

thanks for the advice

As I've said before somewhere in my blog, my girlfriend has zero interst in Karezza. I don't know why, but she doesn't like it. However, she does not mind something like a sex fast for about two weeks. I definitely don't mind either, but again, she seems fine when she is here: We exchange I love you's, hugs, petting.. I don't know if this is the collige effect that is spoken about in CPA or if it's just her relationship preference. Plenty of people stay together having orgasmic sex. She's a very focused girl, and when she's in work mode, she is ONLY thinking about work and what needs to be done. I definitely want her to be able to be herself, but i can't help but worry about this lack that I seem to fill by talking to as many girls as my anxiety will allow.

I'm all over the place, but thanks Emerson!

no i was thinking of YOU

you're the one that sees her differently, interested in other women, etc. 

And if you're doing Karezza, you do it. You can try it yourself, and she can have her orgasms. That's what I do in my relationship.

Dude, your feelings for her will be very different in 2 weeks of no orgasms. You'll be much clearer and things will be a LOT different.