Nofap, libido, long term relationship

Submitted by Dashiel_Bad_Horse on
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I've been in a relationship with a girl for 5 years.

We live together. We are not able to have sex because she experiences intense vaginal pain with any bit of penetration (fingers, for example). At first, we would do many stimulating non-sex things with each other, such as masturbation/making out. However this died off after the first year or so and we don't do much of anything now. Over time I developed a loss of sex drive, general fatigue, etc. I don't find her particularly attractive (her body, her smell, her courting techniques), although she finds me attractive.

I've been looking at hardcore pornography since I was 13. I have continued looking at it pretty much throughout our relationship, and she doesn't mind. However I recently discovered and am 22 days into no PMO.

My sex drive is returning, but I have basically no desire for her. I'm physically craving a new relationship.

I'm wondering if this is just a phase during the rebalancing process where my brain tells me to seek out novelty, or if it is likely to be an actual legitimate feeling. Obviously a lot of weird things can happen to you during the rebalancing process, so how long should I wait before I decide whether to take these feeling seriously?

I was directed here by some people on yourbrainrebalanced, and the members here seem very experienced and may be able to offer good advice or at least personal experiences. I find Karezza interesting, but am not super inclined to force my current relationship to work with life-hacks. I love and care about my current partner very much, but I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to do tons of rewiring just to make it work, especially if those rewiring techniques could work to build attraction with almost anyone. That's just not special.

No easy answer to this one

If you want to be on the safe side, you could give the reboot about 60 days and see how you feel. That seems to be a sort of emotional turning point for some rebooters, where they feel their moods stabilize.

But honestly, it sounds like your mind is already made up. Wishing you well.

That's tough

You might just be in a mood, although moods can certainly be convincing. I'd recommend going the 8 weeks/60 days before leaving a long term relationship. You don't know how you might feel with a shiny new brain.