Not sure I am in the right place

Submitted by MoodyOne on
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Hopefully you folk will redirect me but I don't think I have a porn addiction, I think it's more like a voyuerism addiction. Yes I have viewed porn but not on a regular basis. It started with magazines of course, back in my early teens. I am in my 70s and happily married but I was always interested in what females wore under normal clothes.

I have been arrested for having illegal images on my computer and now serving a community order with supervision and probation. The illegal images were actuall nudist/naturist nature but of pre-puberty girls, but in searches on the internet videos of bathroom, bedrrom, changing room scenes with mature females,I was side tracked, as you do to sites where very young girls posed either innocently or not.

In my natural and wide reaching curiosity for everything, not just sexual, I did look at various sites and inadvertantly stored some images, hence the illegal ones, only about 30 or so. This last phrase could becalled minimalising I am told by the probation office and suppose it isand I have learned mindfullness and empathy in my weekly sessions with them.

I am now a determined non voyuer, non peeper in the streets, in pubs, wherever there are females, wher that grabbed me I woulld be looking for VPL, bra straps, stocking tops, anything that grabbed me. I got to be a dab hand at faking photos I downloaded of celebs etc puttilng them in odd situations, purely by altering their body shapes etc..

I also found about some very clever small video cameras suitable for attaching to bike helmets for action initially for our skiing holidays, but on seeing how small and easy they were I rigged one in our bathroom aimed at the toilet when I knew we had some tasty female visiting. I also hid it in a bag and went on the street to catch upskirts videos whicl in market checkout etc.

This was all found on my computer which has been destroyed by the police.

I am desperately ashamed, full of remorse and not likely to chance anything in reoffending. I can't talk to other men who are in the same way as me, until I found Gary Wilson's article in the Sunday Times, hence my contact here and plea for help in dicussing my case.

How in the world

did the Sunday Times article lead you here? The name of this site wasn't mentioned.

There are definitely forums that would be better support for you, because the same principles of brain plasticity apply to all fetishes, whether porn or real-life. The basic principle is that "the more you feed your sexual fantasies  the stronger and more demanding (and less satiating or fulfilling) they become." Period. No exceptions.

And if you want to reverse a fetish, stop feeding it and focus your feelings of arousal instead on the stimuli you want to become more exciting, such as sex with your partner. At first, the latter will be blah, but if you are consistent in avoiding the "hot stuff" then your brain will eventually look around for real stimuli to get jollies.

Read this: Are Sexual Tastes Immutable?

I think this forum might be a good fit for you: www.yourbrainrebalanced.com Many guys there have acted out with real people, apart from their porn use.

And don't be surprised if this pathway gets activated now and then, even after you see improvement. Just give it the least attention possible and it will continue to weaken. This article explains what's going on: Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? | Your Brain On Porn (Just substitute your fetish for "porn" as you read.)

Good luck! Just treat this whole episode as a trick your brain played on you. It was trying to help you get your arousal wired up to sex...and it missed the target a bit. Happens all the time.

*big hug*

Thanks

Grateful for the above. I need to activate buttons in here to advise me via email notification of replies like yours. Can you guide me to that please?
Yes the article did in a way as I searched your name through the Gary reference.
I have had prostate cancer and now impossible to get an erection for over 5 yrs so I don't get any gratification from masturbation. I just have this inbuilt curioisity thing, I query everything around me, and now I am trying to get over it by ignoring triggers like celebs pics, tittilation stories or examples of sex cases,

As far as I can see

you should get notifications. Maybe they're being filtered out on your end as spam.

Would your sweetheart try daily skin-to-skin contact with you? I think you might find that would be more satisfying than pursuing titillation. Moreover, I think you might find it becomes increasingly satisfying with time. The reasons for that are explained in my book. Read this article and I think you'll get the basic concept: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love | Reuniting

That in-built curiosity is, in part, an attracton to novelty...because it releases dopamine in your brain. This is an evolutionary program because our ancestors needed to stay alert to changes in their environment. Novelty is arousing, but it can become a trap when your brain engages in chronic overstimulation. The reason is that sensitivity to dopamine temporarily declines...and then you feel cravings for more (and more) stimulation. It can become a treadmill, and a downward spiral...without delivering much in the way of genuine satisfaction. It's like an itch that feels good to scratch...but never stops itching. This is in contrast with the kind of contact described in the link above, although it may take you a bit of time to recalibrate.

Have you visited www.yourbrainonporn.com? Watch the main video. Once you understand it's dopamine dysregulation that's the issue, I think you'll see that your problem is neurochemical, not sexual, as such. Once that's clear, then you'll see you have other neurochemical options for seeking satisfaction.

I now realize that the paper version of the Times article did mention me, but the online version didn't. I had no idea they were edited differently.

Thanks again

I appreciate your comments. My wife and I don't sleep together at the moment. She has shunned that element of our life since my crime and she says she is not sure she can let me back into her heart. I have to try and overcome this with many ways. I don't react in any way to the temptations that were before me on the street on the Tv or in print. That is the sole way I have of not relapsing into reoffending. It seems to be working. Two of my pals, both on my age groups will ogle and comment on a passing female as we always use to do, that's male isn't, but I now try and change the subject and literally don't look where they are pointing or glancing.
In groups of 30/40 friends and acquaintances we see every week, all age groups, many are charming to me, but some are not as I think they will have read the press reports after my court case, or have heard gossip. My wife and I go to these events, once in trepidation but now confident we will be OK.
Press emotive standard phrases such as " illicit, child porn" were in the brief and small headline and the fact that I did not have any or an interest in child porn riles me and I am sure that's what has upset people, including our immediate next door neighbour and one further down the road.
Please tell me if I am in the wrong forum and should be elsewhere and is it posibble to copy and paste all I have said to the other place you suggest. I have tken up that link to where Gary seems to have sway, can't remember it at present, but it seems to be right.
Thanks once more

I already suggested a forum to you

www.yourbrainrebalanced.com

And if you had read this article, you would have seen that there are many daily bonding behaviors you could do daily that do not require sleeping with your wife (although that would be a good ultimate goal). The Lazy Way to Stay in Love | Reuniting

It's time to let go of your shame. Everyone makes mistakes. Just concentrate on those who are kind to you and let the others go for now.

Please do not post again unless you've done your reading. And check out www.yourbrainrebalanced.com.