So my last 2 girlfriends had borderline personality disorder, one was very crazy and put me through a lot, basically cheating on me and treating me like garbage, and the other just up and left me for another guy with no explanation at all, then tortured me for a month or so with mind games. I stayed with the cheater way longer than I should have. Both traumatized me and I have these irrational fears bc of it.
Has anyone here experienced going from a cheater to a good partner? I'm having issues bc sometimes I have this irrational fear of her cheating, and sometimes it freaks me out a little. How do I deal with this fear? And I'm afraid that the fear sent out into the universe might cause problems.
I make it a point to trust her and place faith in her even when I can't get my inner self to calm down, not act suspicious, facing the fear and letting her have full independence, try not to allow myself to ask questions about things that don't need questioning(not allow the fear to get the better of me). And I feel disconnected from my gut feelings, probably bc these irrational fears drown them out. My gut has told me earlier on a day when I was calm enough to be aware that I just need to trust her and she will have the space to be the woman I want her to be and that she actually needs me to believe in her.
She has been very honest about everything, even if she feels different from one day to the next, so I never have to guess. So why doesn't it sink in that she is honest? trauma?
Anyway, I just want to show her true trust and devotion, even if something will happen. It feels right. So how do I kick the fear? Maybe it will just take time. Little by little she has been restoring my faith that a woman can love me and only me.