Orgasm is good for the economy!

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Our economy depends on a steady and ever increasing flow of consumer purchases. To drive that, marketers count on a reliable source of dissatisfaction to tap into; a sense of lack that they can appeal to with advertisements for their products. The underlying [subliminal] message is always the same: "you feel bad right now, but if you buy our product, you will feel great!" But what if you already feel great? Then this tactic won't work. It's marketing's worst nightmare to have consumers who are satisfied with life in general, and the sex they are getting in particular.

From my recent experiments with non-orgasmic sex, I'm tempted to view orgasm and its associated hangover as "the matrix" (think the 1999 movie) whose effects marketers can use to manipulate us. It reminds me of this quote from the movie:

The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. … That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind.

For those who haven't experienced the difference between conventional fertilization-based sex and Karezza, that might sound like an extreme analogy, but based on the way orgasm changes my energy level, outlook, emotional state, availability for connection, satisfaction with my marriage, with life, etc. is so dramatic and essentially unconscious, I think the analogy fits.

Whether or not they are aware of it, I think that keeping people orgasming is one of the greatest tools for marketers in terms of maintaining a reliable source of dissatisfaction within the consumer base. Without that, there is nothing for them to manipulate. Even better, having an orgasm generates the desire for more orgasm! I wonder what would happen if Karezza begins to gain steam in the mainstream. Would there be a conscious effort by big business to supress it in the media? And what about other "industries" that depend on marital disharmony, like divorce lawyers, weddings, etc. If 50% of marriages end in divorce, that's a lot of business! And the porn industry would be hit hard (no pun intended).

It's possible that orgasmic sex is so much the norm that marketers aren't yet aware of and consciously exploiting this phenomenon. But I wouldn't rule it out either as marketers are much more sophisticated behind the scenes (in terms of how much data they collect and how they use it) than most of us suspect; don't mind the man behind the curtain...

I think of it that way too, to a degree

I agree that marketers may not be onto the orgasm piece, but women's magazines certainly know that the "how to have great sex" articles raise dopamine (the "gotta get it" neurotransmitter), which is then projected onto the ads in the magazines.

 Glamor and Cosmo UK have both supposedly run articles on "karezza," and both completely mangled the concept to shoehorn it into the usual "how to have hotter" formula. No real education of the human race seems possible. A few decent articles came out about it last summer, but then the concept died again - before reaching 'critical mass.' You can read them here: Karezza In The News

Your book is great, but the title

probably puts off a lot of would-be readers because it focuses on the problem. You should have called it something like: Cupid's Magic Johnson: how to get your wife to beg you for sex (even on school nights!) That would get their attention...then I think it would fly off the shelves...

Seriously, it sometimes seems that the difficulty in getting the word out is directly proportional to the value of the message. I would have been doing this years ago had I known about it. I mentioned this stuff to my men's group, and I mostly got strange looks. That's from a bunch of men who have spent years working on themselves! The general public is even harder to reach. Oy.

Yes, the first version of the book

was called Peace Between the Sheets, which was better. Then the publisher asked if I wanted to update it and said the old title "sounded like a book on insomnia." That's how we ended up with the current title.

Positive is better, but it's hard to come up with the right positive message. Your title is good, but I would not read a book with such a "hype-y" title. It's tough to appeal to a broad audience...without sounding like every other book out there on sexual relationships.

As you saw with your men's group, it takes a very open mind to hear the actual message.

Talking point

[quote=sender] I would have been doing this years ago had I known about it. I mentioned this stuff to my men's group, and I mostly got strange looks. .[/quote]

The idea of orgasmless sex, to anyone not 'ready' for it, is, let's face it, off the wall. I no longer mention it to friends, at least not as a serious option (unless they're asking, which they're not). Their incredulity, followed by ribald comments, made it a waste of time. I don't blame them. I've been trying to make sense of it myself for many years now; and it's only recently I've come to see that not ejaculating every time I have sex isn't as odd as I originally thought it was. It's begun to seem almost half reasonable.

I can't conceive that it could ever be more than a minority approach; but I'm astonished at the ease with which some people on this forum adopt it. I'm clearly the exception, finding it such a tough struggle to disentangle myself from old habits. It's not just habits, though. I think I was born that way. If someone had suggested Karezza as an option to me when I first had sex it would have seemed as alien as sugarless sweets.

That said, I would love to know how many people would be practicing Karezza, if only they knew about it; and also how many people who do know about it, don't practice it, because they find it too difficult.

Many factors

While I took to the idea pretty quickly, it wasn't instantaneous. I had my own doubts (as did my wife). But there were a number of factors working in our favor that made the transition quick and relatively easy

- I am recovering from PMO. That's what drew me to karezza; that people recommended it as a way to successfully reboot with a partner. I wanted to be done with porn, so I was motivated.

- I'm a motivated learner and fast reader. I quickly consumed lots of material from Marnia's book, Diana Richardon's books, Osho's books, and the internet.

- My wife and I have done lots of "spiritual work" before, so our ability to access the present moment has been practiced; certainly not perfected, but we're not plagued by "monkey mind".

- To let go of goals and to give selflessly requires a level of generosity and maturity that many adults lack, sadly.

- I don't have a particularly addictive tendency. I now view orgasm as a potent addictive drug, so I imagine it's harder for some to give up on that basis alone. The mind will play all sorts of rationalization tricks to "get the drug".

- I practiced non-demanding touch with the intention of just giving my love for about two weeks before attempting any kind of gentle penetration with my wife. That built trust, allowing her to open. When her heart opened, so did mine, and off we went. So our first few experiences were very pleasurable and satisfying, creating a powerful touchstone for us to recall whenever confronted with desire for orgasm. It's not that we don't want the pleasure of orgasm; we both still do. It's just that we don't want to lose the far greater pleasure we have now.

- I have DE from years of PMO, which makes it easy for me to not orgasm; I have to "try" in order to have an orgasm.

I suspect that you're right - that generally, people will not have many of these factors in place, and will have a hard time even grasping the concept of why they would want to do this in the first place. It's why Marnia's book is so brilliant; that she explains all of that. It's funny how the link between sex and pregnancy is so obvious to us, but the link between orgasm and marital conflict is not.

not sure why but I took to it instantly

I think I was ready for this. I say "instantly" but it took a month or two to become sorted out as "this is what I want to do" but when I decided (I should say "it decided for me somehow") it was instantaneous. I went from ejaculating every time I had sex and masturbating frequently, to not masturbating at all and ejaculating maybe 3 times in a year.

The pleasure quotient long since skyrocketed off the charts for me. So that made it pretty easy for me.

I think the one thing that I practiced of real value that helped was focus on my root. So when I began this journey it was easy to focus on my root during sex and to stay relaxed and then it all flowed easily from there.


low drive partner

I'm also one of the men here with a very low drive partner. She went from being okay with sex to being okay with a lot of sex although that part of it wasn't an easy journey for me. But I think Karezza is particularly suited for us. I do the style or type where my partner has all the orgasms she wants, which is maybe 1 or 2 a week, and the rest of the time she doesn't. She actually has far more orgasms than she used to have before this, and she has sex with me much more often, sometimes every day or every other day.

Another thing people can't believe is that a true "low drive" woman would have sex so often but it's really easy and natural this way.

BTW, I had "delayed ejaculation" sort of, but it went away over a period of a few months when I started this journey because I quit porn and masturbation also and I got my sensitivity back pretty quickly.

I wouldn't say I "work" at it but sometimes I get too close and have to back off...I tend to get pretty aroused and sustain that for a period, and sometimes I still get almost too close but I find it easy to back off because I don't want to orgasm. That ends the fun and the pleasure and the feelings and I have no interest in that anymore.