PMO recovery...wet dream, near relapse ?

Submitted by buckethead on
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I am making an exception to my rule of positing one summary per week since something quite unexpected happened yeasterday night (day 16).

Basically, I had a very good day on Sunday, did go out, visit friends and family, did some sport, pretty good mood. For some reason, I felt calm and strangely mellow, having litteraly romantic thoughts even (you could say mood swings "like a pregnant woman", I guess it wouldn't be wrong); especially after sports, I got really extremely exited below by thinking not about porn, not at all, but about a girl I've known for some time and who I saw last month.

She recently started a relationship so there is no possibility for me, but strangely I fantasised about her; I stick to my rule of no PMO, still, but the thoughts where very pleasing; romantic at first, but I could not stop thinking in "what if it had worked" and got extremely exited. Hardons like I haven't had for quite some time. It is kind of absurd but during the day I thought a lot about her. Now, this mixture of thoughts might look like fantasies but it really is something I think more "healthy" or noble in a way; haven't felt that for quite some time.

I'm explaining this because during the night I had a wet dream, involving the girl of course. I woke up litteraly instantly saying "oh no, not this".

The reason I talk about this is because I had an horrible day today because of this, with fantasies multiplied by 10. I do blame myself not for the dream - it was inconscious after all - but merely for provoking my brain with those thoughts about the girl.

It feels like a relapse and I am both ashamed and angry. Miserable would be the most adequate description. I've read an interesting piece about this on yourbrainonporn, which says that basically wet dreams are not your fault but still, I fear I have just experienced a major setback.

I even think this has reactivated all of the pathways I tried to deactivate during 16 days.
Extremely frustrating, because no, I don't go on porn websites, I don't masturbate anymore, and I was very determined. Technically I haven't consciously relapsed. But my unconscious mind is really throwing me back at this.

I'd appreciate any feedback, because I wonder: is it really like return to day 1 ? Is it "normal", and if not, can I avoid it ?
Again, I guess I got exited through the day but it started with someone real, someone I really have affection for. This makes me confused, and really, if my brain keeps playing trick I don't know how I can get out of this state.

Comments

You're experiencing the effects of fantisization

The things you're describing are a direct result of fantisizing. This is why alot of people consider PMOF to be the real road to recovery

It's tricky because you've likely not felt those feelings with an erection for a long time, but it's a trap. It will rev up your sex drive causing chaser effects, or in your case an unconscious wet dream (which WAS caused by you while you were awake).

The redX technique works really well if you choose to stop fantisizing, you also may need alot of faith as you'll probably flatline for a long time.

Best!
A.

Yes thank you, but the thing

Yes thank you, but the thing that got me is that I actually *was* using the red x technique ! However, because I felt good and just missing a girlfriend I thought that it wasn't a problem to think of someone you know; merely in a romantic kind of way; and besides someone with whom something could have happened...but these are in fact disguised fantasies. To me it felt different from the porn fantasies however. But the result is the same, now I know I should avoid these too. Hard times.

Keep trucking, it is not a

Keep trucking, it is not a setback and you will have many dreams, not always normal or pleasant either. Enjoy it and move on. It is very difficult to block dreams so don't beat yourself up! Everyone is human and cannot be perfect. Do the best you can!