The Policy of Joint Agreement

Submitted by freedom on
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Seems an interesting idea: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html . I'm still pondering this. Do less if there's not enthusiasm?

For me the essence of "your" recommended practice

is on brainstorming until you both come up with a common solution/action that both partners can be enthusiastic about.

It's interesting that you hear this policy as an excuse to not act. Wink

I actually like this approach, but in my experience, unless both partners are feeling whole at an energetic/brain chemistry level, it will be very hard to find commonly enjoyed solutions/activities. By the same token, when they are, the solutions are much easier and more creative.

I honestly don't think "technique" trumps inner state, but that doesn't mean technique can't help.

You don't see how this could

You don't see how this could lead to a perpetual stalemate? That could be made worse depending on inner states. Think of a group of friends. If one asks where do people want to eat, the dialogue can go in circles. If one says I'm hungry and grabbing X, people just come along. People don't always know what they want and sometimes rarely enthusiastically. Couples are often ambivalent as long as they are with the other person.

Perhaps this works best in a limited context where there is real conflict such as one wanting to live in city X and another in city Y. On the other hand, that could mean neither wants to live in city Z and they therefore agree they need to go somewhere and so should go. Yet, the model provides no solution for determining where to go other than perhaps to consider options that blend the X/Y enthusiasm.

Sustaining enthusiasm seems a good approach. Inner state probably trumps external methodologies.



 

Dr. Steven Harley's ...

policy of enthusiastic agreement before doing anything...been there, done that. While is sounds good at first, it is unworkable as it is pretty rare to be in total agreement about much, and out of the question to be able to "enthusiastically" agree on everything.

My wife and I even attended a workshop of his a few years ago. Overall, he seems to favor self sacrifice on the part of the man. It came across to me as being extremely female centric.