premature ejaculation after all these years of healing

Submitted by tornfromabook on
Printer-friendly version

It's been a while since I've posted here but I've been having an issue and wanted to see what you guys think. I have been practicing karezza for 6 years and it has been an incredibly healing experience. You can read my past posts for more info. For the last few months, however, I have been having occasional premature ejaculation that is followed by an extremely poisonous emotional state which typically lasts a day or two.

My wife and I have sex more or less daily, usually without my orgasm. Sometimes I will O when I feel that the time is ripe, and it doesn't seem to cause any problem as long as it happens in the context of a good lovemaking session. I generally have excellent control of my sexual energy from years of karezza, qi gong, etc. But once or twice a month, I will have a completely unexpected ejaculation as soon as I enter her; then, once the dopamine wears off, a toxic emotional state floods my entire body. The energy is that of hate, rage, emptiness, insecurity and desperation. I have trained my mind not to identify with it, so I don't actually "believe" what I feel, although it takes every shred of consciousness not to give into it and start throwing things or verbally attacking my wife.

Why does this happen? I think it has to do with the fact that I was addicted to PMO for so long growing up and didn't have any healthy sex until my mid-20's. Orgasm is deeply wired to a sense of futility, impotence, shame, etc. But I have healed so much, and most of the time don't feel affected by any negative emotions during sex. But when these PEs happen, I turn into Mr. Hyde. It is like torture, like being in hell, it is impossible to feel any positive emotion and I just have to keep my mouth shut and wait it out and put all of my energy into not lashing out. I feel so frustrated because I have come so far in my journey, yet these negative emotions are so deep in my programming, I feel like I'll never be free of them. Does anyone else experience anything like this? I can't understand why I'm having PE, it's like a very deep selfishness that is there underneath all of my healthy sexuality. I don't know how to get over it.

I'm not sure that you are reading this righ

Nice to have you back here! I read your (and your wife's) past posts a few years ago.

How do you know there is any emotional/rational reason for this mood change?

I notice my moods change a bit depending upon how much edgy sexual behavior I've engaged in. I practice Karezza although (and this is important) my wife does not...still...I find that if I play too close to the edge over a few days, I get this very empty feeling, and my penis doesn't get as hard, and I don't have those 100X loving feelings that are now part of my world. I'll call them 100X feelings in this post and they are how I virtually always feel these days...except...

At times, I can get into a cycle where it would be easy to ejaculate very quickly when I enter her. I don't know why. I usually avoid it. But it is usually when my feelings of attraction, my "100X loving feelings" are at a low point, and that is as I said probably tied to edgy behavior for a few days before.

And the feelings subsequent are crap (when I ejaculate this way). It doesn't seem to be a problem nearly so much if I have an orgasm/ejaculation during the normal 100X periods. But in those infrequent times when my 100X feelings are a low point, then ejaculation seems very easy and the path of least resistance but I usually avoid it anyway, and everything resets itself within a few days.

 

It sounds like our

It sounds like our experiences are pretty much identical. Every time the PE thing happens, it's always at times when I know deep down that intercourse isn't the best thing at the moment because we're not both 100X, but I do it anyways out of some rationalization or another. As for the crap feelings that follow, my interpretation is all speculation; I just know that my body is filled with a sense of empty rage and insecurity for a day or so. Actually, the fact that my recovery time is only 24 hours makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. It used to be longer.

So I PE'd Fri night, felt (but avoided thinking about) cold rage all evening and on first waking in the morning. Made this post. By the afternoon, I was pretty much back to feeling full and in touch with goodness. Had very good convo's with the wife and we made love last night, incredibly satisfying, she O'd and I did not (pretty common) and we both felt back on track. Today I'm normal (which, in these Karezza years, means happy, alert, calm and positive!)

Have you tried

getting on a 2-week (ejaculation) schedule and keeping things extra loving around then? Maybe then you could gradually increase the interval.

What about NOT making love right at two weeks...and just taking a timeout for those few days? I say that because I'm at my most reactive then too. And it all fades within days if I don't orgasm. You may just have to snuggle then and skip the sex at that point in the schedule.