Question..

Submitted by Zombiebunny on
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I stopped watching lesbian porn because of the guilt I felt during watching it despite watching it for YEARS.. (I'm 24)
I haven't watched it in almost two weeks because I couldn't take the feeling of feeling that way and I wanted to cleanse my mind of it.
But lately I've been feeling confused because of the fact that I watched it for so many years and stopped cold turkey, so now I'm questioning my sexuality even though I've NEVER been with a female.. I've kissed a female acouple of times but I was 8 years old and she was a childhood friend the same age as myself, so I honestly don't believe that counts because I didn't know any better.
Me being a Christian (some Christians are supportive) and all I'm not necessarily supportive of same sex marriage, but I don't condemn either.. That's YOUR life. You do as you see fit.
But I'm wondering are these withdrawal SYMPTONS? Because I've also read that the majority of females who watch porn choose lesbian porn because it's more sensual, and less hardcore. I get it, but I still feel guilt in even watching it.
My boyfriend tells me I shouldnt worry because I like lesbian porn. Wrong. I don't want to like it & by the power of God I haven't been tempted to watch it, and that makes me wonder.. WHY are these feelings coming up if I don't even feel tempted to watch lesbian porn anymore? It's like an ongoing questionnaire and I hate it.

Maybe once my brain rewires then I'll feel like myself? I want to feel like I felt before I started left lesbian porn because while I was watching lesbian porn I felt so secure with my sexuality that I loved men.. Which I do. I love everything about a man, but now I don't even feel attracted to my boyfriend like that because the stress has been so big.. Then all these questions come in with "what ifs".. Especially about the future..

Anyway, has anyone felt this way before? Male or female? Is it because of the countless lesbian porn I've watched that has me feeling like this?

This is actually quite common

Many people who have escalated to porn they wouldn't normally watch, who quit, find their brain gives them *strong* impulses to watch it for a while. Do you have OCD tendencies? Those folks tend to suffer from this the most...because their brain keeps urging them "to check" and "to test."

We think the cravings/spikes of anxiety get worse for a while due to the same reason addicts experience this. When confronted with abstinence, an addicted brain sprouts extra nerve branches about 2-3 weeks later...which send neurochemical spkes/cravings through the roof in some people.

If you just power through these weird feelings by refusing to analyse/test/seek reassurance, the brain eventually gives up and the brain pathways slowly dissolve. Read this: Exposure Therapy for HOCD? | Your Brain On Porn

You'll be fine. Just ignore your brain's signals on this subject for a a few months. Just tell it you'll "check in" in about 6 months and meanwhile distract yourself with other things.

Thanks so much!! I was

Thanks so much!! I was seriously beginning to worry!!

And I do have OCD tendencies.. I actually had OCD tendencies with death, but I hardly even think of it anymore.. Now this HOCD wants to reel it's ugly head in.

Thanks so much again!! I will check out the link.

One more thing.. Is my

One more thing.. Is my attraction for the opposite sex supposed to be this low? I hate it and it's scaring me. I love men but now I feel anxious around them, especially my boyfriend. That's what is really putting me on edge..

I'll be out of your hair after this question, I promise lmao.

question for you

Don't know if you have any way to know this, but do you think there are a lot of women out there similarly affected?

I know there are tons of men who are, of course. And I know a lot of women suffer some of the same issues, but in a different way than men, from porn and masturbation. But do you think it's a huge problem with women?

Thanks if you care to answer, in any event, very glad you are here.

Honestly I'm not sure because

Honestly I'm not sure because this is my first week ever experiencing something like this. I have an friend who also watches lesbian porn and hasn't and don't want to quit, but considers herself straight. I explained to her what my problem was and my need to give up lesbian porn, but she didn't marinate on it and said she could quit with no problem, so basically she doesn't understand my concerns are and the depths of HOCD..

And using Google, I've Googled "females with HOCD" or "females withdrawing from porn" and some relatable posts from other forums popped up, but there were little to no articles on females with porn addictions like there are for men, so again - I'm honestly not sure.