question about M without fantasy - my penis doesn't get hard enough

Submitted by terryman on
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Hi,
I'm at day 130. My libido is not back yet.
Marnia suggested that I should try self massage, and M with only touch(no fantasy) is an option now.I tried M with touch a couple of days ago and I wasn't able to M with only touch because with direct touch it didn't get bigger.

However, somehow today, I touched my penis directly and started to stroke it. and it started to become bigger. The difference from before is I actually gripped it a bit stronger. My penis still doesn't get big with soft touch. It is NOT a strong grip to make it clear, but not really soft. Kind of medium.It is definitely weaker than you would feel while an intercourse.

Anyway, though my penis got big, it wasn't rock solid. It is big, and I liked it, but I was lying down. I stood up or sat on my knees, then my penis pointed to the floor. It is still big, and I could have an orgasm, but not enough to have an intercourse.

To be honest, I used to masturbate and had an orgasm with this hardness (before it got rock solid), so I wouldn't be surprised if my body thinks this is the hardest it should get.

I didn't have an orgasm. In a way I "edge"d. And I notice after that I feel strange warmth and sensation in my penis the whole day. It feels a bit fuller than usual and sensitive, or kind of feeling you feel when you want to pee.

Now I have several questions

(1)doesn't get hard enough
As I mentioned my penis gets big and harder now with stroking. But it doesn't get hard enough to have an intercourse. If I keep stroking it I would have an orgasm (before becoming bigger than this). Has anyone experienced it? Can it be cured by keeping going no PMO? Or should I do something else?

(2)Should I ejaculate or stop it all together?
I didn't want to ejaculate because it was big and harder but not hard enough to have an intercourse and didn't want to make my brain associate this hardness and orgasm. However, I read an article here saying edging is bad, but the article stressed edging with P is bad. I only use touching. Should I ejaculate anyway or edge or stop it all together? I don't use any fantasy, just stroking it.

(3)Warmth and sensation
Do you think it is a good thing to have it? I'm not sure if my body "remembered" the sensitive feeling (maybe good), or just somehow a little dopamine rush is going (and not good)?

I'm not sure if my penis will still get big next time, but I want to ask it now.

Thanks!

I'm no expert

But I think you know that you need to keep going with no pmo mate, just keep at it buddy, I know your frustrated but you've made it this far, your taking longer to reboot that's all, you and I both know that it will be worth it in the end, chin up mate. I've got faith in you.