Re-balancing / Over-Stimulation

Submitted by Arcadiansky on
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Hey guys,
So I've been working super hard to re-balance over the past 5 weeks. As a young kid, my babysitter used to show me porn/naked videos, and I got used to "sex" being a visual/fantasy thing. I masturbated a lot at a young age (starting at the age of 6). It messed me up, I think. But, as of now...

I haven't seen any type of porn or masturbated since June 8th (5+ months). However, I have a girlfriend, and up until 5 weeks ago, I reached orgasm (with her) routinely. My erections were never as hard as they could be, and the THOUGHT/FANTASY of sex made me reach orgasm moreso than the actual sex. Like, while we were having sex, I could close my eyes and fantasize about us having sex, and be more turned on by that. Here are some other qualities of my situation (I had an orgasm for the first time in 5 weeks the other night):

Over the course of the past 5 weeks:
*My girlfriend and I would still make out/cuddle
*I would see her naked daily
*Occasional sex (every 2 or 3 days, on average)... sometimes, this sex would be me just about to reach orgasm, and then stopping, and starting again... repeat.
*I never reached a hangover
*I never had a wet dream
*Sometimes, while we were having sex over those 5 weeks, I would reach a point where my libido would feel almost redundant, and my erection would stay, but I'd feel like I hit a wall of stimulation, where it became easy not to get off. (this may just be a typical thing when having sex / forcing yourself not to orgasm, and not a quality of my problem... I don't know)
*After I reached orgasm the other night (for the first time in weeks), I had an immediate hangover/limpness for 36-48 hours (no thoughts, actions, etc. could turn me on. Porn probably would, though, but I don't know for sure). And, even now, a few days after, my erections aren't nearly as hard as they should be. It's as if I'm over-stimulated.

Also, another quality is the fact that if I go without seeing her for a little while (I travel back home sometimes), when I come back and see her again, I am very horny. I know, in the past, I would go a few days of not seeing her, have sex, orgasm, and then every day after that, it was increasingly harder to get erect/reach orgasm again. THIS IS IMPORTANT because I feel like it embodies my entire issue. If I don't see her, get horny while I'm away and long for her, then I'm at my peak when I see her again, and then it's gradually downhill from there until I reach a bottom point where getting an erection is super difficult. This valley, peak, valley, situation repeats over and over.


orgasm causes that sometimes

Orgasms sometimes cause that drained feeling and often make you not desire your partner or think of her the same way.

This whole website is based upon Marnia and Gary's discoveries on that subject.

That's why I practice Karezza, which is very frequent bonding and intercourse without orgasm. Not to say that I don't slip into an orgasm occasionally, but not on purpose. And when I do I am not going to say I regret it, but I don't want to have them anymore so I move on and try not to have them.

Instead, what I do is a lot of cuddling and bonding so that I build up this huge ever-present desire for my partner. She is in my thoughts and when I see her I feel a deep romantic and physical yearning for her. We have intercourse 4 times a week usually and it can't be for long enough, to me. I never want it to end.

Those feelings sometimes diminish or disappear after an orgasm and then re-build over days to their former level. I love those feelings and want them to continue forever. It is unimaginably pleasurable to feel this way with her, and when I'm inside her I never want it to end.

This is a bit different than going close to the edge of orgasm routinely and then pulling back. That isn't what I do. I stick to 5-6-7 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being an orgasm, and 1 being a tiny amount of arousal.

I have to praise your efforts on this. You are far more aware and conscious than most men and that attitude will take you far into the most delicious territory imaginable for a man and a couple. Wow.

Marnia, thank you!

Marnia, thank you!
When you say "worked just fine" do you mean, it worked in regards to healing?

It seems as if my recovery time (after orgasm) is least longer than the average males. Even if a lot of males have similar recovery times, is there any way to make it quicker? I just don't like feeling sexually disabled for a few days (or a week)... and would eventually like to work to a level where I can reach erection and orgasm at a normal (average) rate.

Did you see this video?

Maybe most people have an unrealistic ideal...of too frequent climax.

Here's some material that I collected about Reich:

Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957) is best known for his assertion that the supreme goal of sex is the establishment of orgiastic potency and the ability to discharge an amount of sexual energy equal to that accumulated—lest one risk neurosis. He, too, emigrated to the United States, but was eventually imprisoned for selling orgone (unseen energy) accumulators and died there.

Few now recall that Reich also acknowledged that orgasm is not the only way to relieve sexual tension. He explained that one could remain within a preliminary phase of sexual excitation and simply relax at the end of lovemaking, instead of climaxing. He calls it “voluntary control of the excitation”:

1. Erection is … pleasurable. The penis is not overexcited…. The female genital becomes hyperemic and moist. . .
2. The man and the woman are tender toward each other, and there are no contradictory impulses. …
3. The pleasurable excitation, which has remained at approximately the same level during forepleasure activity, suddenly increases in both man and woman with the penetration of the penis into the vagina. …
4. Through the mutual, gradual, spontaneous effortless friction, the excitation becomes concentrated [in penis and vagina]. The characteristic sensation which heralds and accompanies the discharge of the semen is still wholly absent. … Consciousness is fully attuned to the assimilation of the streaming sensations of pleasure. … According to most potent men and women, the slower and more gentle the frictions are and the more closely synchronized, the more intense are the sensations of pleasure. This presupposes a high degree of affinity between the partners. A pathological counterpart to this is the urge to produce violent frictions. . . .
5. In this phase, interruption of the friction is in itself pleasurable because of the special sensations of pleasure which attend this pause and do not require psychic exertion. In this way, the act is prolonged. The excitation subsides a little during the pause. ... Interruption of the sexual act by withdrawing the penis not unpleasurable as long as it occurs after a restful pause. [Wilhelm Reich, The Function of the Orgasm, trans. Vincent R. Carfagno, Farrar, Strauss and Giroux (1973): 102-5, emphasis added]

Reich’s description of the “voluntary” phase sounds very like descriptions of karezza. In contrast, his account of the "phase of involuntary muscle contractions” (climax) makes no mention of gentleness, harmonizing, or attunement with one’s lover. The goal is simply “a ‘satiated’ tender attitude to the partner, to which is added the feeling of gratitude.” [Wilhelm Reich, The Function of the Orgasm: 107] Reich highly prized the “I’m done” feeling that accompanies sexual satiation. He wrote: “The greater and steeper the ‘drop’ of the excitation, the more intense the pleasure.” [Wilhelm Reich, The Function of the Orgasm: 102]

However, Reich recognized that after orgasm consciousness becomes clouded. He also recognized that some lovers have post-orgasmic feelings of “leaden exhaustion, disgust, repulsion, weariness, or indifference and, occasionally, hatred toward the partner.” [Wilhelm Reich, The Function of the Orgasm: 107]