So I've been working super hard to re-balance over the past 5 weeks. As a young kid, my babysitter used to show me porn/naked videos, and I got used to "sex" being a visual/fantasy thing. I masturbated a lot at a young age (starting at the age of 6). It messed me up, I think. But, as of now...
I haven't seen any type of porn or masturbated since June 8th (5+ months). However, I have a girlfriend, and up until 5 weeks ago, I reached orgasm (with her) routinely. My erections were never as hard as they could be, and the THOUGHT/FANTASY of sex made me reach orgasm moreso than the actual sex. Like, while we were having sex, I could close my eyes and fantasize about us having sex, and be more turned on by that. Here are some other qualities of my situation (I had an orgasm for the first time in 5 weeks the other night):
Over the course of the past 5 weeks:
*My girlfriend and I would still make out/cuddle
*I would see her naked daily
*Occasional sex (every 2 or 3 days, on average)... sometimes, this sex would be me just about to reach orgasm, and then stopping, and starting again... repeat.
*I never reached a hangover
*I never had a wet dream
*Sometimes, while we were having sex over those 5 weeks, I would reach a point where my libido would feel almost redundant, and my erection would stay, but I'd feel like I hit a wall of stimulation, where it became easy not to get off. (this may just be a typical thing when having sex / forcing yourself not to orgasm, and not a quality of my problem... I don't know)
*After I reached orgasm the other night (for the first time in weeks), I had an immediate hangover/limpness for 36-48 hours (no thoughts, actions, etc. could turn me on. Porn probably would, though, but I don't know for sure). And, even now, a few days after, my erections aren't nearly as hard as they should be. It's as if I'm over-stimulated.
Also, another quality is the fact that if I go without seeing her for a little while (I travel back home sometimes), when I come back and see her again, I am very horny. I know, in the past, I would go a few days of not seeing her, have sex, orgasm, and then every day after that, it was increasingly harder to get erect/reach orgasm again. THIS IS IMPORTANT because I feel like it embodies my entire issue. If I don't see her, get horny while I'm away and long for her, then I'm at my peak when I see her again, and then it's gradually downhill from there until I reach a bottom point where getting an erection is super difficult. This valley, peak, valley, situation repeats over and over.