Relapsed - Rebooting again

Submitted by monster_man2 on
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3 years ago I first posted this reboot report: http://www.reuniting.info/node/7874

Unfortunately, as time passed I have relapsed every now and then, going back to all kinds of crazy porn. Not as much as before, but there is definitely a clear sign this is what is causing ED once again, which I am now gain a regular sufferer of. I believed I was already healed, so I thought watching porn wouldn't hurt on the odd occasion - what a slippery slope to be on.

Unfortunately again, my addiction problems to porn seem to be coming a reality. I have been travelling around Thailand + SEAsia the past few months. There is an abundance of women here and it is not difficult to meet new sexual partners, which I have been taking advantage of just having sex with as many partners as possible (about 20 now). This also prompted me to watch porn too, since I needed the extra stimulation as having just normal sex became boring. Then I decided when highly drunk to experiment with a ladyboy. I kind of liked it at the time, but afterwards I had the exact same feelings as I do with porn - guilt, the feeling it is just wrong and that my life is spiralling out of control. I'm guessing this is how most addictions feel.

Also, this has sent me straight to suffering from HOCD. I have read up on this and I am most certainly not gay. I do not feel any sexual attraction towards men. All my life I have been sexually attracted to women and cannot even bare the thought of having a relationship with a man.

So I am rebooting again. I will not to be having sex with as many women as possible, but focus on having a good relationship with one partner which I haven't had in several years and cut out the porn and masturbation.

I now realise the true beauty of an addition.

Most really important life lessons

are learned just this way. Biggrin

Still, it sometimes amazes me that you guys who got ED from internet porn use would ever take the risk of going back...especially as you have been taught the brain science behind the problem and how reversiing the problem (by cutting out porn) can never make you invincible against future porn use.  If you need a refresher course watch Gary's latest video: Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn | Your Brain On Porn

Take good care of yourself, and good luck regaining your lost ground.