Requesting Suggested Techniques to Control Urges

Submitted by eternal_presence on
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Hello, i've been somewhat familiar with karezza for a while but have not really taken the initiative to put it into practice or try it out.

recently a friend of mine reminded me about this site and i thought i would try it out... made a conscious effort to reduce masturbating frequency and the times that i would, i would not finish with orgasm. i would work up to almost having one, and then back off and let myself kindof cool down so to speak...

even though i was still occasionally touching myself, i did go for about 2 weeks straight without having an orgasm. i noticed a definite change in my energetic state, and seemed to be full of extra sexual energy that seemed to be centered in my naval rather than my penis, i seemed to be buzzing... i felt very centered within myself and was very aware of the subtle changes that were happening to me from this change of lifestyle...

at one point recently, i was touching myself again and was not able to hold back adequately at the end, and had an orgasm... i felt fine at first, didn't experience the usual sudden change of energy that is associated with orgasm, but the next day i did become very discontent with a situation regarding a girl i really care about, a situation that just is what it is... and the only thing that can be done is let it be and give it time... this girl has been a really close friend of mine for a long time, and i love her so much... i want to give her the love she deserves, but she just got out of an abusive relationship and its kindof a delicate situation at the moment...

well, anyway... point being, the day after i orgasmed, i was feeling bummed about the whole situation, much more so than i was prior to having the orgasm... i could also feel a definite energetic change as well... rather than feeling an excess of energy in my naval...
energetically, it really made me feel my desires and wants, and made me all the more aware of whatever i perceived i was lacking...

i was very aware of these changes in my emotional and logical states, and anyway... long story short, i'm reaching out to the community to ask what techniques you employ, mental or otherwise, to be able to successfully ride these tantric waves without succumbing to temptation and getting the urge to just rub one out... also, am i even going about this the right way? its my understanding that a part of karezza is about just experiencing things as they are, rather than trying to get to some perceived goal... so, i don't know... maybe i need some help putting those concepts into practice, physically and mentally...

thank you.

very useful, thank you!

thank you for those links... very informative and eye opening...

i haven't watched porn in a little over a month but when i was edging, i was fantasizing a little bit... not always sexual fantasies, but visualizing a loving relationship with someone... occasionally the visualization would turn into sexual fantasies, usually when i would get closer to the edge.

in certain ways that second article that you gave did apply directly, and i am going to try to simply abstain from M and O entirely and see how that goes... I'm also going to put those breathing techniques into practice and see if i can rechannel that energy elsewhere.

definitely going to refrain from edging for a while, and see how that goes.



i already know someone who practices this, she's a really close friend of mine... but i feel like she's not really ready because she just got out of a very stressful relationship, and is kindof traumatized by it...

i want to love her, because i do... i want her to feel good, and to know that she's loved... that its not just something you say out of some need for security... but because its actually how you feel, and it just feels good to feel that way. to love for the sake of giving love.

i feel that she's not ready... and i don't want to pressure her.

one of the reasons i'm looking into karezza is as a way to deal with the sexual energy from this, because as much as i want to kiss her, and hug her, and love her the way she deserves to be loved... i also don't want to experience any negative emotions from desiring that or wanting that... i don't want to be a victim of my feelings.

during the time that i went 2 weeks without O, i definitely noticed that it was alot easier for me to deal with these feelings without feeling like i was lacking... i felt content. i felt whole. and it was a stable and consistent feeling...

for years, i've been putting my energy into finding a partner... and because of circumstances, self confidence issues, or possibly my natal astrology, things just never seem to work out. I figure i need to stop actively looking for something outside of myself, and find contentment within myself before i can be a rock for someone else.

Admirable Goal

"i also don't want to experience any negative emotions from desiring that or wanting that... i don't want to be a victim of my feelings."
That would serve well etched into my glasses so the words would be in front of me all the time
Luv ya

Another way?

" it really made me feel my desires and wants, and made me all the more aware of whatever i perceived i was lacking..." that is the core of what I feel post orgasm.
Advice is funny. They express my best thoughts but are in no way true to my reality.
Fantasizing is the road to Hell.
Get outside!
Stay in touch. I find peace and support at this forum.
thank you

will do

very glad for this community.

'fantasizing is the road to hell'

very concise and poignant. I definitely agree with that statement... it leads to expectations, which usually only lead to disappointment...

i will definitely stay in touch.



welp... i went ahead and helped myself.

first time i quit PMO, i was off for about 2 weeks... after that, i made it about 7 days... more recently, i went about 3 days...

i want to get up past the 3 week mark, just so that i can actually make it to that point where my body will adjust to it...

even though i went ahead and had an O, i'm not kicking myself about it... i also didn't edge this time, i just figured 'fuck it, i'm going to go for it', so i did, and the energetic effects of the O weren't nearly as noticeable... i felt good the next day, didn't feel any negative emotional or irritable side effects.

well anyway, that was two days ago, i'm going to make another go of it.

Hey! You and Me Bro

Day 3...I have failed so many times, but what ya gonna do? As they say in the 12 Step "Keep Coming Back!" oh, I guess here it should be "Keep Back, No Cumming!" For me, day 4 is a huge challenge.
What brought you to that place of wanting to go for it?
For me, the time before last, I was pleasuring myself with touch and made the choice to cum. I was in a place of great need and crazy for a way to feel good. I had a cold and the weather was stormy so I didn't go out and tried self massage. The whole thing wasn't very helpful.

another update...

since writing the earlier update, i have been feeling increasingly worse... feeling that all my attempts at establishing a loving relationship are futile... things are always just slightly misaligned to where it doesn't happen...

I know its probably just the dopamine crash, but still... i can't help but feel that what i'm experiencing is valid, because so far it has been.

The Crash

always seems valid. My mind just works and works. The dope is fighting for its life. Take yours back.
Man, it's only 3 weeks, a really small part of your life. Trust me, there is much to learn.
What would make you feel good right now?
Hugs at ya

so far so good

so, i've been trying this out for the last few weeks, and generally when i get to about a week or one and a half weeks in, i'll feel an incredible build up of sexual energy and i've been inclined to just rub one out because the build up of energy is alot to deal with... so the first time after about a week in, i had an orgasm and immediately noticed the shift of energy... instead of having a surplus of sexual energy, i could definitely feel a sortof void where there had been fullness...

anyway, i got back on with it, no MO for about another week... then felt the buildup happening and so i started to rub one out... then when i felt the O coming, rather than fight it, i just went with it, had it... and noticed that it really did nothing for me. it was a moment of feeling good, but it was fleeting and once it was over it was done... i definitely felt like i had traded in an immense power for a cheap cookie or something like that... i went ahead and had a few more O's after that just to make sure i wasn't missing anything... i felt pretty low energy and the third and fourth days after O were a bit rough... (as you can see from some of my previous posts)

so, now i'm about another week in... beginning to feel the intense build up of sexual energy... i'm trying to be more conscious of how i apply it this time... i have been refraining from M as much as possible, but occasionally i find myself wanting to. the other day i was having that urge to just let out this sexual buildup, so i had a long shower, then afterwards i sat up in my bed and just held it, allowed myself to just flow with the feelings... and in the various states of intense arousal, i focused on my breath, and on the energy flow that i was feeling, and visualized myself becoming more adept at the tantric arts, more aware, more experienced... and then i did some breath of fire... and just allowed myself to relax and go to sleep...

i woke up feeling great, and i've been eager to keep this up and learn more...

its almost like, when i feel this energy building up in the first week or so... i wonder how much its going to build... sometimes it feels like it is going to build up to crazy levels and its like trying to tame a dragon...

Most people have the same aversive reaction

But the reason appears to be that the slight stress of the unpleasantly cold water triggers the release of endorphins. And guys (particularly) say they get mood relief and feelings of wellbeing that last for hours, if not most of the day.

There's science behind it, spelled out at And even a case study by some MDs recommending it as a treatment for depression.

So, there's more than meets the eye to cold showers. Cold Shower Therapy Guide | Impossible HQ

dream O's

so, its been about a week and a half since my last O... i'm right about at the point where the last two times i've tried i usually buckle and masturbate. this is my third try of getting past 3 weeks... i'm halfway there...

when i do think of masturbating, i will get it out... but then like, forcing myself to rub it for pleasure just seems like, mechanical... there is no meaning, and so it hasn't really felt right to actually do it... so lately i'll just hold it and then the passion will pass, and thats it... my mood has been really stable and things have been great, overall...

the wierd thing is... a couple nights ago and last night, i had dreams that i masturbated and had an orgasm...
in both of the dreams i would like, be in my room and then i would look down, penis in hand, and it would blow... and i'd be like, 'oh FUCK!, dammit!'... because it would feel like, nothing... no pleasure... just losing something i've been trying to keep.

both times i've woken up i've been like, 'oh shit? did that happen?' and i would realize it was a dream...

what does this mean? a friend of mine told me that my conscious self is making the shift, but that my subconscious still wants the orgasm... she says that soon my subconscious will also be on board with this shift as well...

what does this mean? how do i interpret this? does this usually happen to people who are trying this for the first time? i don't even really know what else to ask, but i know i have more questions...

thank you everyone for your input so far, it is greatly appreciated!

It seems to be a very common experience

so I wouldn't over-think it. It probably is a sort of "mental-housecleaning" (or training) process. Or maybe just the brain reasserting self-control, over the resistance of the knee-jerk (?) reflex you've taught it.

To read other guys' experiences with these dreams, watch a funny video a friend of ours made - linked to from this page: DREAMS.

If you can't see it, let me know and I'll find a link direct to YOUTube.

not overthinking

appreciate the link to the video. yeah, i definitely have been approaching this from a place of not over thinking things, not kicking myself when mistakes happen, not freaking out in any way over anything... just being more curious about what that is really.