Submitted by freedom on
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I don’t think I have problems with self-love. Yet, I can be harsh on myself. I was thinking how little I did this past week (and year-to-date). It’s true. However, in reality I did a lot. I was fighting being sick some of the week. I did so many self-care things that I’m shifting as much as one can possibly expect to in one week. I tried several new things and I’m building a fitness routine that is taking a good deal of time. Maybe it isn’t practical to do much outer work while also doing heavy inner work. Many others appear to function. Makes me wonder despite knowing that many I talk to seem functional yet struggling.

What’s a good angle on this? Affirmations? Simply being more active with the rewarding self-talk, perhaps prior to bed? Something else?


The outer stuff and inner

The outer stuff and inner stuff is connected. This transformation is going to be heavy no matter what, might as well be able to get other things done too. Do enough of these things and you stop thinking of "recovery", you're just doing instead of thinking. Find some things to pour your heart and soul into whether it's art, exercise, or meditation. Anything is better than focusing on the problem. You've mentioned this several times yourself. I know, we have a different brain every week, all with different memories!

Interesting note freedom- I interview a lot of addicts at my job and I've noticed that the sex addicts have similar characteristics- they are intelligent, but are in their heads a lot, which makes them kind of crazy and disconnected. While the substance addicts are kind of dull. So a shift to some dullness away from all the thought might be a good thing. Ive noticed less thinking since my recovery began.

Heavy is good. Heavy means

Heavy is good. Heavy means grime might come off. I'm doing without a focus on recovery. I can find random useful tidbits all over without looking. The problem is I'm still one person and can't do all I might be doing. Sure, a passionate project would be great. However, I'm not able to make that happen until it happens. I've started exercising more which can't hurt.

I have to ponder more dullness. Dullness doesn't seem to be an opposite to headiness. Can you explain more about what they seem to experience and try to separate their experience from how you see them?

Some of the time I'm not sure what it means to be in one's head.

Good point about them not

Good point about them not being opposites. Addicts employ their intelligence to get their hit. It becomes deeply intwined a "rats nest" of personality and character that make up the addict. Excising the parts of us that we find undesirable like the addict behavior can take parts of our intelligence with it. So it seems. The SLAA big book mentions that removing this addict part of us can be traumatic because we have formed so many peripheral behaviors around it for years. Like someone might have a habit of telling certain jokes around women or have a sort of ritual that comes across as personality, or any of the rituals associated with PMO. These old behaviors start to wither and it can be shocking to our system since we have been empowering them since we were trying to get our mothers attention as a child. Not to mention all the layers of garbage we've piled on in the form of shame, low worth, and despair associated with the cycle of trying to interact with women and failing in our minds.

Be at least as good to yourself as you are to other people. We can be so judgmental on ourselves.

Exercise is great for this. Finding a plan that suites you is important. Look online and see what other transformations appeal to you. There are a lot of before and after photos. See what these people did to get there. This is just the appearance, but psychological changes go along with it too.