Hi, this is my first post, I decided to register here because I've been reading some of the post and I've found a great a community. This is my situation. I'm 19 years old, I have never had sexual intercourse, when I started to get interested in women (17 years), sacred sex information came to me by a cousin, I started to assist to a place where people meet and talk about the awakening of conciuosness under the teachings of Samel Aun Weor. You must know that Samael's Gnosis is highly radical. I became in part of that group and started to practice some exercies for sexual transmutation (pranayama, derviches, breathing exercies bassically). Then, it was a couple of weeks when I experienced wet dreams frecuently. I felt so frustrated because the other people there hadn't that problem. They told me that I needed to learn how to control my own energy before having sexual intercourse with a women, they tended to remark and make enphasis in avoid fornication and pregnancy. After a year I left that group, tired of radicalism and fanatism. A few months ago I masturbated for my first time (believe me) maybe I did it in my infancy but I didn't reached orgasm that time, so that was the first time I tasted orgasm. Since that moment, I've been doing it about one or two times per week, I still practice sexual transmutatation some times, and I still have wet dreams (not so frecuently). I've been tempted to watch pornography, and I've fallen a couple of times.
I repressed my energy so much in the past, and I want to stop doing that. I want to find sexual maturity, now I'm in a relationship and I dont know how to face sexual intercourse, a part of me is afraid of failure (premature ejaculation, non planned pregnancy).
I've experienced times where I haven't ejaculated, about two or three weeks, and I've felt awesome, I remember the best time, I felt so strong, with so much energy, confident, quiet, and with the courage to go talk to women.
But, most of the time, I'm really nervous, I found myself hand shaking, unable to believe in myself. I want to heal, and to start my sexual life with a woman in a good way, applying the ancient wisdom. I'm aware that ejaculation is a loss of energy and it's not useful in a realtionship, it brings you down in a espiritual process.
I dont want to fall on pornography and compulsive masturbation, I dont want to make bigger the problem.
I 'd like to know your opinnion, any advices?
Sorry about my english, I'm not native.